|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Psychic Serpent|
| TobiSullivan chapter 8 . 5/16/2020
For ch 8:
I just realized that you write this in 2001 and had no idea JK would stick Angelina with George. Even though I totally recognized your note at the beginning and have been thinking of it all along, somehow the George and Angie thing struck me as your cute explanation of that canon event - but you had no idea she would do that. Really cool :).
There's other things that you have here that align with what ended up happening in canon that I am sort of amazed by. I can't remember what I noticed in that regard though.
I can't believe Harry would ever even consider becoming a Death Eater, I can't make sense of it. And if he refused to torture people then how would he even be a real death eater anyway?
Oh I remembered another thing! Your portrayal of Neville growing up and getting more confident, attractive, and skilled totally matches canon, although you have it accelerated here!
| TobiSullivan chapter 7 . 5/15/2020
It seems the ff does not categorize comments by chapter, which I've always found really annoying. I guess I will label my comments with which chapter I'm responding to.
I enjoy real professor Moody, and I cant believe I've never read a story where that was done before! The curse should not apply to him since he did not actually teach. He took his class in a very unique direction too.
I like how in your story you choose your animagus. A lot of stories have it where it is not something you decide, rather it's a your-form-picks-you sort of thing. But canon implies the opposite - Skeeter wanted to spy so she became a beetle; Sirius and James wanted to keep Remus in check so they became large animals; Peter became a rat to touch the knot. (And this brings up a point I've been thinking about lately, what did Peter do while R,J, &S were running around? Cling to one of their backs? Stay behind? If he got left behind, no wonder he became a traitor...)
I'm worried about Colin's penfriend being some sort of spy...
| TobiSullivan chapter 6 . 5/14/2020
Wow, no thestrals! I'll miss them but it sure is interesting to read a fic from before the series ended.
I like how you have more younger siblings of current students...JK didn't do that very much in the original, only Dennis...
Potions for cat allergies are an obvious remedy that should exist in the wizarding world...
I'm more into this now that I see everyone is just hormonal, than when it seemed to be rapidly turning into an H/Hr fic. Though I meant to say that I am disappointed about Krum's portrayal as a bad guy, I really liked how he seemed basically good in the 4th book. I hope it turns out that he is alright.
What a coincidence of Harry and Draco meeting up in a bathroom...much less violently here. It almost seemed like they were engaging in goodhearted ribbing; I wonder if their dynamic is headed in the same direction as with Dudley.
| TobiSullivan chapter 4 . 5/14/2020
Details I appreciated in this chapter:
Dudley telling Petunia to get a grip.
Sirius' finesse with the levitation charm to make their luggage seem like it was on wheels.
Fred and George breaking up all the Sexual Tension.
Crookshanks being remembered and being out hunting!
I have a curiosity about the Knight Bus... Muggles generally don't see it, but Dudley is able to. I understand this may not have been something you thought about too much, but I'm curious about how to conceptualize it. Can Muggles see the Knight Bus if they are with magical folk catching it?
Also I had a realization about part of why I might be a bit disoriented to this story ..I don't know what to expect, because there aren't tags like on AO3! Or at least not that I've found. So I keep thinking I know which direction the story is going, and then it surprises me. There's definitely pros and cons of having tags vs not having tags. Not having them is more like reading a published book - you can make guesses about what it will be like based in the genre, but it is more likely to surprise you.
| TobiSullivan chapter 3 . 5/14/2020
I will say that when I read the note about being a responsible reader and reviewing, I don't really want to review as much, as it seems like a guilt trip.
This chapter is harder for me to say what I like about it. Seductive!Hermione seems OOC to me in a way that doesn't mesh as clearly with the 'realism' of the rest of the story...although confident, muscular Harry also seems OOC. Obviously fanfic writers are free to write whatever we want, but I'm curious if you saw this more as a "realistic" direction the story could go, or where you *wanted* it to go in an ideal world? I'm not even sure how to check if you respond to this question or not...still figuring out .
I'm sharing my reactions to discuss/respond/engage. I had a bad experience recently of getting super invested in a series (talking hundreds of thousands of words) and then leaving one comment about something that the author didn't like, and it was awful, it felt like walking on eggshells, like I was only welcome to comment if I shared only the things I liked and nothing else, which feels super fake to me. That's not something I'm comfortable with; I don't want to get invested in a story and commenting on it if all of my responses aren't welcome (as long as respectfully stated), so I'd rather comment some things I do and don't like early on and if I do see that you don't like that, then I just won't get as invested. I hope you can not take my 'negative' responses personally and know that it's a matter of taste, which is personal. I wouldn't be continuing to read if I'm not intrigued overall. Any response I share that is 'negative' is also an invitation to friendly discussion of how we interpret characters/the story differently, if you are still active on here, although I might not always respond consistently.
| TobiSullivan chapter 2 . 5/14/2020
I'm really enjoying the Dudley-Harry friendship! Refreshing and wholesome, it is. I like Dudley stocking up to his parents, though it is wish fulfillment. I also love your idea of a fish and chips bean - how creative, I've never heard of that flavor in any fic.
The sexy!Hermione stuff is weird for me, because it is so different from how the story ended up going, but it does fit with her kiss on Harry's cheek at the end of book 4, which JK made a point of but then never did anything with. On the other hand I love the idea of her continuing to see Victor, and also of Sirius traveling with her family, though she really should say 'Snuffles' for security, no?
I hope you're getting these comments :)
| TobiSullivan chapter 1 . 5/14/2020
I made an account just so I could review this story not as a guest! This is really great, reading a fic from before the series was finished. You really write with the same style that JK used in some of the books, where you review certain characters and plot points (I suppose this was for readers who stumbled upon a later book without having read the earlier ones, or for those who forgot details?). But there are elements of your work that I already like better than canon, like Sirius writing to the Dursleys, and Dudley already starting to come round in terms of not being an ass.
| Mpwtl125 chapter 24 . 4/30/2020
Ok I like the story, the plot, the characters, all awesome but you got some facts wrong. I know its a fanfiction and you can do what you want with the story but Neville's birthday is suppose to be the day before Harry's. Cuz Neville had the potential to be the Boy who lived...maybe I missed something in the story?
| Draugrim chapter 33 . 4/17/2020
I don't know if you still read reviews on a nearly two-decade old story, but in case you do, I want you to know that this story was really, really excellent. Someone recommended it to me a few days ago and I couldn't put it down. The mysteries and the twists were reminisce of the original harry potter works. I would have taken this over where jk went with Horcruxes any day of the year.
You paint a beautiful picture with words frequently throughout the entire tale, and even the more adult sections of the story were written tastefully without crass. Your characters were on point even after deviating from the original story, even Draco & Ron.
Fantastic story, thank you for writing. I am excited to move onto the sequel(s).
| Vampireking40 chapter 3 . 3/28/2020
Hermonie mentioned both of them being Prefects. When did Harry get his badge.
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/7/2020
What the fuck is happening with Draco
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/5/2020
I love that Dudley is being a better cousin to Harry. It’s really sweet
| Boi chapter 1 . 3/5/2020
I really like the concept that Harry learns dark magic. It can bring many new concepts into magic
| Ricardo Soto chapter 11 . 2/6/2020
Holy fuck this story is toxic to read sorry for the language. If theirs one thing I hate about romances is when people make drama involved with other characters that messes up the main couple which is Harry and hermione. Hermione is very OCC the way she acts is ridiculous she is a big girl just break up with Krum for gods sake instead of leading it on. He might go dark I’m sorry but that’s a poor reason. You make Harry seem like a guillble child and agreeing to hermione plans on being with cho and even going with Ginny. This drama is unnecessary and shows you just don’t have a better idea on how to write a romance story gets ruined because of this.
| DarkTranquility91 chapter 34 . 12/13/2019
It's been years but all the departed are still cherished. May they rest in peace.