|Reviews for memoir of a Phan|
| Isayssoccer chapter 3 . 8/21/2006
Wow. This is... Wow. This sort've reminds me of something I wrote called 'Obsession', except this is much better and makes a heck of a lot more sense.
| Ali chapter 3 . 6/25/2006
I reviewed earlier, than I found you had written more. I love this. It is certainly an interesting perspective on life: We want what we can't have. You also have helped me understand part of the reason why I am a phan. To many people Phantom of the Opera is an odd love story, a crazy romance, you go beyond this, and show us the universal themes of love, and true love at that. Because, the true love Erik cherished for Christine, was the reason he let her go, when I am sure she would have stayed. We all have felt pain of some sort, and most of us have felt like Erik, the odd one out, the one who people look at and don't know what to think of. And most importantly you tell us (though, not directly) that life goes on.
God Bless You.
| Phantom Shadowwalker chapter 3 . 6/24/2006
Wow! Amen! I love your definition of a Phan. Personally, I don't know how you can fall in love with Erik or the story without, on some level, even if it's only subconsciously, feeling that Erik's experience resonates with you and identifying with him. I think that this is even true for those many of us girls who'd love to have a guy like him for a lover. Sure he's hot, and I mean the character, not Mr. Butler. But that's not what keeps us all hooked. What keeps us all hooked is Erik's struggle to stay human against a society which would convince him that he's not, and that beautiful, I would argue redemptive, moment at the end of the story where Christine's compassion breaks the cycle of hate and violence and helps Erik find once again his almost lost humanity.
I agree with your friend that you are, to a great extent, what you choose to be and that one should not let baggage from the past become a chain holding you back from finding happiness. But at the same time, because I believe firmly in G-D, like you I believe that things happen when and how they're meant to happen. Like you, I believe that I was lead to Phantom because it was what I needed to enable me to express myself, and in many ways it still is. It really isn't something people with whom Erik's experience doesn't resonate, who don't connect with it on that gut level, can understand.
Anyway, great work. I hope the rift with your friend mentioned in your last two chapters is beginning to heal, either by your finding out that your not as far apart as you feared or by your finding other Phan friends with whom you can be as close. Good luck, and by the way your writing is very high quality.
| nullandvoid000000001212310000 chapter 3 . 6/24/2006
No one, not even Erik himself could put it better.
I'm so proud of you and so proud to call you my best frind. I'm SO lucky to have you in my life. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for you and Erik.
I love you SO much. That was SO beautiful. It was so beautifully put. I love you so much, Jammes.
| nullandvoid000000001212310000 chapter 2 . 4/26/2006
I haven't reviewed this set of prose mostly because its so painful. I read it...but it was too hard to really try to understand the implications. Maybe it would be eaiser to review this if I was just another Phan trying to find themselfs' over the internet. But, I'm not. I'm your best friend...your Lotte. That makes reviewing this diffrent. Will my decision change our friendship? no. It won't. Not unless you want it to. You may think I'm a glorious person, but I'm just like everyother phan trying to get on with their lifes...trying to get away from the pain. I'm nothing special, Jammes...I know you are strong, I can feel it. Its just the will power that you lack. Within each of us is all the power of the universe, it's how we channle it that makes all the diffrence. You want happiness, so be happy. It truly is as simple as that. life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what your attitude is.
So are we going to be diffrent after this? Well...I made my dicsion a week or two ago, and are we really any diffrent...except for my rage yesterday, no. Nothing has changed. I'm your little lotte. Just yours...I'm not Erik's because Erik is never comming for me. I'm just another girl.
| Phantom Shadowwalker chapter 2 . 4/24/2006
I know where you are, I know how you feel. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant of me, but I do. Once, a long time ago, me and a small gang of my classmates were all Phans together, all obsessed with Phantom. But then the study unit on Phantom that our classes were doing in preparation for a school trip to see the show ended, and they all moved on; relegated Phantom to a small order interest, and went on to other obsessions. Some even gave it up altogether and even sort of turned against it. I did not and could not. And even when I have had periods when Phantom has gone on the back-burner and I've been temporarily obsessed with other things, which I freely admit that I've had, I've always ended up coming back to Erik. Once you've been touched by that fire, it never really leaves you, even if it does go on simmer for a spell.
I really hope your fears about your friendship with your friend not being the same anymore turn out to be unfounded. I hope she doesn't let her change make a difference in your closeness and I hope that you don't either, though I personally would quite understand finding it hard to remain so close to someone who has actually succeeded in getting over Erik. It just wouldn't be the same. Since the days of that long ago school trip, I myself have, with a few brief exceptions, only really connected with other Phans online and, wonderful though cyberspace is, it is a poor substitute for real live Phan friends, so I know something of the loneliness you speak of.
Again, eloquently and beautifully written. Please forgive my talking about myself so much, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I hope it helps and that I have not, inadvertently overstepped any bounds.
| Phantom Shadowwalker chapter 1 . 4/24/2006
Why would Erik want someone like himself when it was himself that he hated most?
1. Because someone like himself would understand him in a way that one who is not like him, who has never experienced rejection, who has never known what it is to be irrevocably different in no way that they can help, never could. And no, I don't believe that you brought the difference of being a Phan on yourself. If your experience was anything like mine, you probably knew some degree of rejection and what it was to be different before you became a Phan, and that is why Erik spoke to you so powerfully. I find that Phantom is something which you cannot force yourself to fall that much in love with. You either do so spontaneously, or do not, and those who do not simply cannot understand those who do because they have not experienced it. In many ways, it's much like a religious conversion. I hope that doesn't shock or offend. It certainly isn't meant to. I mean it in all sincerity.
2. In seeing the similarities between yourself and himself, he would most likely see you as having the good points of his own nature without those other parts which he despised. It's peculiar, but that's how it tends to be with those who hate themselves.
Very eloquently written, And don't give up. Keep being a Phan, as though you could do otherwise, and keep meeting other Phans. Somewhere out there, you will find someone who incarnates Erik to your satisfaction. That is the hope I cling to myself, though I have not yet met such a guy. But I know that there are thousands of us out there who feel just as drawn to Erik, and many of us, like you, have incorporated much of his own spirit into ourselves. Keep searching.
By the way. If this is forward please forgive me, but you are welcome to pm or email me. I am always eager to meet others who love Erik as much as I do.
| Phantomess785 chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
Whoa... this is so intense and true and depressing and AMAZING! It's a really in-depth and deep analyzation of a lot of Phans, and so accurate that it... hurts. But a good kind of pain. An "I-love-Erik-and-even-though-I-can-never-have-him-at-least-it-makes-me-think-of-him-which-makes-me-happy" kind of pain. I love the way you wrote about the being like him but why would he want someone like him kind of thing. ...Actually, who am I kidding? I loved it all. Every word. Fantastic job. And isn't it weird how we are totally condemning ourselves, but we love it? Everything about loving Erik is so twisted and mystical... but I suppose that's why we love it. Maybe when you think about it, we might all be like suicidal emo people, but instead of liking to inflict physical pain on ourselves, we like killing ourselves by inflicting psycological and emotional pain instead.
You know, this is a bit off-topic, but you remind me a lot of one of my own friends, except that she's not an obsessed Phan. She's a very in-depth thinker who just looks beyond the surface, and so do you. I find that a very admirable trait.
Sorry this review was so extremely (and perhaps annoyingly) long, but wow... this is a truly amazing fic. Or at least, an amazing description of the true gift and curse of Phans. Wonderful job. I loved it.
| Little Jammes and Little Lotte chapter 1 . 4/12/2006
This is your best friend Lotte (who your currently fighting with) I just havent switched off our name yet. I really do love this one. And I was the first to post...It just didn't catch. I love it and you will find Erik. I'm not really moving on...I'm just trying to. You'll find someone love. I promise you. I love you so much, Your my soul sister, you mean everything to me.
| dreamdescend chapter 1 . 4/10/2006
Is this an attempt at humor? If so, it's kind of funny, making fun of silly phangirls this way.
If you're serious... God help us all. *runs away and hides*
| ali chapter 1 . 4/10/2006
Yes, this is depressing... But, beautifully written. And, I have to tell you that you will find your Erik, someone who loves you with everything they have. Who sees how talented, beautiful, witty, and loving you are. And, hopefully they are a phan, too. :)
| Rhythmrains chapter 1 . 4/9/2006
Wow, I really like this. You know you could continue it. This could make an excellent start to an original modern day phan phic!
Anyways it's up to you. Keep writting!
| Mme X chapter 1 . 4/9/2006
I know what you mean...