when are you planing to write another book ?

I was with you up until the moment Sasuke decided to seduce Naruto just to prove to him that love exists. After that, I couldn't take the story seriously any more. Just so you know, I did read to the end of this fic, but I'm reviewing this chapter because for me, this is where the problems in the fic began.

So, back to chapter 3: Virginal Sasuke, who has never shown interest in another person before in his life, has suddenly decided he's going to get Naruto in his bed no matter what, so he starts off with naked bathing shows, just for Naruto's pleasure. Does this make any sense to you? Not even someone with a lot of sexual experience would have the guts to do what Sasuke did within hours(?) minutes(?) of deciding he wants a romantic relationship with Naruto. And yet, here you have a totally inexperienced kid doing it.

It's like, all you cared about was getting Sasuke to play a seduction game with Naruto. It didn't matter to you to try and come up with a reasonable scenario for WHY he would do it, just that he was going to do it. Making Sasuke unsure of his own reasoning behind doing it and vaguely implying he is in denial over his feelings for Naruto isn't a catch-all, cover your ass explanation for everything, although many fanfiction writers will try.

Because Sasuke's reasoning here just doesn't make any sense, nor do his actions. I can't imagine ANY person, EVER would decide to make someone else fall in love with them out of the goodness of their own hearts just to prove to them that love exists. Yes, Sasuke is in denial over his own feelings, but the justification that he has given himself, which he currently BELIEVES, is that he is doing Naruto a kindness by seducing him. No rational person, no matter how deep their denial, would actually believe in that excuse.

So, we're already in the third chapter of this fic and already Sasuke as a character is having massive logic failures and behaving incredibly OOC for someone of his age, level of experience, and previous level of sexual interest.

And the rest of the fic was no better.

In general, as I was reading this, I felt like you were making the characters do whatever you wanted, and not what the characters themselves would actually do. What I'm saying is, in a good story, writers will often say how the characters themselves take over and guide the action. The impression that I got from this fic was that it was the opposite case. The writer came up with scenarios and made the characters act them out, whether or not it would be organic for them to do so.

That isn't to say that you couldn't have a fic where Sasuke decides to seduce Naruto, but you would have had to put a lot more thought into it than this to make it work. Better characterization would have helped A LOT. In my own opinion, this kind of a story would have worked better with an older Sasuke and Naruto. I could see an older Naruto who has been burned by love a number of times having such a jaded view on it. Young Naruto is pretty much an idealist in canon. And an older Sasuke who is sexually confident wouldn't have had any problems with shamelessly throwing himself at Naruto. You could still have made it work with young, inexperienced Sasuke and Naruto, but again, better character motivations (and characterization in general) would have been key in order to sell this fic. As things stand now, I certainly ain't buying it.

sasuke is getting really creepy...

What a sweet ending and I hope that all goes well with your writing career

That was really selfish of sasuke I have to say. I would be heartbroken or seething

Naruto is just sooo adorable. I loved what he said at the end

Wow.. kakashi really does have extremely bad timing.

Shame. I sort of feel sorry for sasuke but not all that much since it really is his fault.

Not the smartest thing to do but I'm sure that I wouldn't be able to resist either

Wow... that's so hard core. Poor sasuke he just couldn't help himself lol. Great chapter

Ouch. I would hate to be left like that.

Wow that was hot and very strange. Poor naruto and sasuke. They both are probably so disappointed.

This was an interesting and very sad chapter. Itwwould make me cry.

This was a very interesting beginning. It made me think a lot and kakashi is really weird lol

Lol Kakashi is so awesome! But i wonder what Will naruto's answer be ?