|Reviews for The Spoonfull of Sugar|
| dhawthorne chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
This was an incredibly well-written and powerful story! Fantastic job, and thank you for sharing with us!
| littlemissbroadwaywannabe chapter 1 . 3/4/2009
| FearOfDeathIsIllogical chapter 1 . 1/12/2009
A great story. Very good.
| Steeleafan chapter 1 . 8/31/2007
It was all dark like the Twilight Zone or something. I liked it. It was strange..I liked it!
| Ed chapter 1 . 3/18/2007
Wow. That's all I have to say about this chapter/story. It's great! You did an excellent job...
I don't think you should change anything at all. It's good just the way it is, and don't listen to anyone who tells you that it's bad!
| foreverliesl28 chapter 1 . 1/3/2007
aw wow i love this! its great! of course she wouldnt be older- she's mary poppins! ;) this is a really great idea!
| OSUSprinks chapter 1 . 9/18/2006
I really liked this. I wish I could be helpful with your questions, but all I can say is write what you think sounds right. I would like to see more of Katie personally, but I also like the idea of Mary coming back. I can't imagine that Mary would have aged though. Thank you for sharing this!
| cherryblossomjen chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
Very nice, original take on a sequel.
I'm not one to give advice, but since you're wanting to publish this I'll offer my two cents:
Your dialogue and original concept are the story's strongest attributes. Jane is spot on.
One area that could use work, however, is the descriptions. I wouldn't say that more details are needed necessarily, but it might help to "show more" instead of "telling."
For example, in the opening lines you write "It was late and the bleached white halls were quiet. It was actually more frightening that way."
Instead of *telling* us it's late and frightening, *show* us with a slightly tweaked word picture. Like, "The moon cast a dismal, bleached white light on the walls as Katie made her rounds."
My last question is, who is your intended audience? If you're writing specifically to younger teens the story will develop differently than for an older audience. If you're targeting teens, you might want to include more fantasy based elements... etc.
Still, I think the story has great potential - I'd like to see more. :)
| Annika chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
Oh, what a wonderfull storie. I can really imagine Jane being a woman wich kept her childness. Well done! :)
| JulieAndrewsGal11 chapter 1 . 6/14/2006
this story is magical... what is the relationship between Kane and Katie? are they lovers?, sisters or friends? I do think Mary should make an appearance... please keep up the excellent writing
| Katie chapter 1 . 5/17/2006
This is an amazing story, I love it to death. Could you possibly write more on this? It was a joy to read, me being such a Poppins fan!
| Kelsea Scarlett chapter 1 . 4/24/2006
That was docious ali expi istic fragil cali repus!
My goodness, that was so good! I think Mary Poppins being the same age works for your story...I loved the spoonful of sugar. Definately I would not make Mary coming a focal point in the story; it should be about believing, I think...I think Mary should show up in the story though, because you write her character so well. If you DO get published, or even just want someone to read what you have and give an opinion, I urge you to let me know, because I would love to read it.
| thepinkpuffin chapter 1 . 4/17/2006
aww...so sweet! Yeah, more Jane and Mary. I hope Bert is in it too...
| avdpJAlb chapter 1 . 4/11/2006
I love it just the way it is! keep up the good work no one knows how to write your story better then you! remember that! thsnk u 4 sharing his wonderful story!
| lilienprinzessin chapter 1 . 4/11/2006
At first I was a little confused because I didn't know who was talking, and I wasn't really interested unless the third paragraph began. Then it became a lovely story.
To your questions:
No Mary Poppins shouldn't be older - she's not aging, lol. And yes she should appear - otherwise the reader is in too much doubt as well. More Katie and Jane would be fine, but more Jane and Mary would be even better. And perhaps you could explain a little more who Matty is - cause I'm a little confused here - her husband is Steven and her brother Micheal - did I miss something? So when stopped she believing and didn't see Mary?
And just because I don't know Mary Poppins by heart - but Katie is totally your creation, right?