|Reviews for Dogs, Women and Outlanders|
| Bard of Orlais chapter 1 . 4/18/2006
Sorry it took so long to review, but I'm awful at being concise/deatailed on literature...
Anyway, much like Free said, I found this fanfiction highly entertaining. Loved the dynamic voice of the narrator, and his thoughts on things. Great first-person description, and I liked how snappy and concise it was. Very well done, JD, and I hope the next chapters of your main fanfic are put up shortly. :-)
| Freesourceful chapter 1 . 4/12/2006
JD - I love the name of this story, and there are some truly, *truly* ridiculous moments here that made me smirk. Making the arrogant, bullying adventurer a relative of Hou's wife was very, very appropriate. I liked how you made his point of view so ridiculously overbearing, although I think the "voice" of the narrator could have been funnier and more concentrated, but no doubt you did not have time to get to that in a one week submission.
I am, however, a little puzzeled by the narrator's motivations. Why does he want to have the grand adventure? I know what he wants to do on the adventure, but I don't know what he plans to do with the riches he acquires. His descriptions of his family members are also puzzling - why does he put Hou on a pedestal one moment, and tear him down the next?
" ...this Hou fellow had swept her off her feet, so I heard, and was now lording it over her and bossing her around so much that all the villagers called him Dictator Hou. Well, I would straighten him out! I had seen him at a family feast and while he might have been strong enough to push around a woman, he had not seen the likes of me!
... You had to be tough with these kung fu types or else they wouldn't respect you."
The connection between the two thoughts is not entirely clear to me. I feel very disjointed in the reading. What *exactly* does the narrator think of Hou? For that matter, what does Hou think of the narrator? I don’t get a very firm sense of either character’s “character,” and I feel very loose in the story – I need more details to ground me. Personally, I would have loved to see a description of the narrator’s appearance through his own eyes, just so I have 8some* idea of what he looks like as he meanders through his merry way.
There were a few lines, however, that were really priceless: "...the monks had been learning beneath the finest philosophers and monks of our Empire ever since the emperor bested one of their ambassadors in some kind of debate. Blah blah blah, talk talk talk. I'd show that emperor a thing or two if I ever saw him, or her, whoever it was." Very clever, and I also enjoyed, "As it turned out, the scroll of the Wolf's Spin of the Unknown Mask had been stolen three weeks before by some foolish thief or rogue named Sun or Cloud or Bird or something like that."
Nice work, JD, this One Week JE Challenge was a great idea!