Reviews for Life of Uzumaki Naruto
TS chapter 8 . 4/13/2010







Singer Renn chapter 8 . 4/12/2010
I have read the story to this point and liked many of the plot points. However, I find your writing style to be very similar to my own in that it is very formal and long-winded. I must therefore apologize but I will not be continuing with this story.
TS chapter 7 . 4/1/2010
This is a very good story and all, but I occassionally notice mistakes. Mistakes, such as your prologue. Your prologue is actually the first chapter. See, a prologue is more of something when you write about something that happened years ago, or something that is happening where your character is at his current age, but in a totally different place. The Harry Potter series is a great example of this. At the beginning, it has Harry as an infant, and with Dubledore, the professor, and Hagrid. That is something that happened about eleven years ago, before the story actually takes place, with Dudley's birthday party. So therefore, the only part in the prologue, that would actually be a prologue, would be Naruto's abuse. The rest of it-him discovering Hikari, etc., would be in the first chapter. Things like Ibiki getting upset by the hospital's staff and other things, that would be included in the prologue. If i would have been the one to write this story, then I would have chosen to end the prologue when Naruto's doctor notifies Ibiki that Naruto may never talk again. Then, the first chapter wold occur.

Also, about what I jsut read-Ibiki thinking in his head to Anko, "Why didn't you just decline that mission" . . . Shinobi in the Naruto world aren't aloud to pick, choose, and decline missions. It is agianst their law, and there wold be punishments for such a thing.

Other mistakes that I have noticed would be grammar, and spelling. And I also think that I should point something out that has been driving me insane ever since I started to read your fic. It is that you honestly (not trying to be mean or anything here) don't know when and where to capitalize letters. The Flash Bomb, for example, is one thing that I have noticed. Several times, you put "Flash bomb", or just "flash bomb", which, yes, is incorrect. it is, in fact, the "Flash Bomb", because that is what your character named it. It is the title of an explosive product, and must be treated like that. It's like the name of your story; you call it the"Life of Uzumaki Naruto, bexcause that is the title. The same goes for Naruto's Flash Bomb; that is the title to a product. There are other things that I have noticed, as well. Such as, y0u capitalize taijutsu, as in with a capital "T". No, sorry, but you aren't supposed to do that. It is actually just plain old taijutsu, and nothing more, unless you want to call in hand-to-hand combat. Which reminds me, those aren't two different things; they're the same.

Another thing-whcih is quite big in the story, is that you spell the Kyuubi as the "Kyubi". I know that that's what it said in the manga and all, I've read it, but it's not correct. In Japanese, "Kyuu" means "nine", which is the "Kyuubi". And jsut as well, the Kyuubi is the Nine-Tailed-Fox. And if you put two and two together, then you get mty point.

ANother mistake: Jiraiya, one of the Legendary Sannin, annot do as many thins as you suspect. Frankly, in the series, he has only shown two elements that he is eligable for: earth, and fire. Ind and water in this story, if you want to get extremely technical, are no-no's. Also, about Naruto learning these are EXTREMELY impossible. He wold have to have a special series of slips of paper that, when a person channels chakra through, can tell what element you are. For example: if that paper burns, then it is fire; splits, then you have wind(like Naruto); becomes wet, then you have water; crumples, then you have lightning; and if itcrumbles into tiny pieces, then you have earth. No, you cannot get all at one time. It is only just one at a time, like Naruto and Sasuke. However, once you develop more, then you could easily check again, to see what your next element is. And unless you have the Rinnegan or Sharingan, then sorry, you can't have all-not that easy. Elements are genetically enhanced. You can't pick and choose them, or hang around people that do have them and hope to God that you eventually get that eleme4nt. Sorry, but that's the truth. So therefore, it would be impossible for Naruto to learn the water and wind shit-well, he could do the wind. Doesn't go with the storyline, but hey, what are fanfics for.\

Overall, the story is great, and I love it. But if it's possible, then I would like you to FIX THIS. It drives me insane.

Sorry for being such a critic, but you have to be when you want to write your own book.
Envis E. Bill chapter 3 . 2/8/2010
Andreasfr chapter 1 . 2/4/2010
I just think you should have been alittle more descriptive in the violence part, it would help to get the reader cought up in the story, oh, and its Kyuubi, not Kyubi.

Oher than that, good chapter, nice to see someone break away from the mold of having being a big bused red haired fox godess... nice work
Black Ace 0 chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
Trebius chapter 2 . 1/10/2010
This story looks very good, but I doubt I'll finish reading it. It looks to be extremely depressing.
ekiouja chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
damm you one good author
Rekuza-Knight chapter 19 . 1/2/2010
Is this story Complete? I'm a little confused with the 'END' at the bottom there.
kris j chapter 19 . 12/16/2009
next chapter please
The Third Biker Scholar chapter 3 . 12/12/2009
can't wait to read more!
luckycomet09 chapter 18 . 11/4/2009
Please say that you'll still be updating this story!
cratbro chapter 19 . 10/13/2009
I first read this story a year ago, and was most delighted. But I am sad, because the story seems to have died! :( Do you plan on ever finishing it? Pwease?
Zaxara chapter 19 . 9/4/2009
I hope you update soon, this story is wonderful. I like the part about Naruto having fox parts.
kyuubinovelli chapter 12 . 8/12/2009
i think they should tell naruto about his enemies and they should be preparing him for facing them. everyone should know the enemies they may face instead of finding out from the bad guys themselves.
1,621 | « Prev Page 1 .. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 21 .. Last Next »