|Reviews for Les Portes Tordues|
| Ishte chapter 4 . 9/11/2010
So glad to see you continue this story. I'm really enjoying i so far, though I'm a little saddened that Ed and Win or at least Ed didn't insist on going with Al. Even without his memories once he realised what Al was doing and why, it seems within Ed's character to go. If not, then I imagine once Al gets one or two gates closed that he'd want to join his brother.
| chalicity chapter 4 . 8/21/2010
this didn't die! i'm so excited! :D this is a story of epic porportions and i can't wait to read more of this awesome quest. yay! i'm cheering for you! :D
| Quinn Anderson chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
Glorious review time! This is what every fanfic author this for, no?
A few general notes on your fic before I break into the specifics: your dialog is particularly gripping. I don't know many people who write dialog how people actually speak it, but yours is spot on. It lends a sense of realism to writing that can't be given otherwise. Also, I like your sense of the characters' bodies: you note their mannerisms, where their hands are (if they have any), the orientation of their bodies to other characters and their environment, and what expressions they're making, all of which are important functions of description that many people overlook. Kudos. Now I'm going to break down some specific lines for a more in-depth review:
"Two almost invisible indentations stared down at him, vague impressions of eyes amongst a faceless visage." - Visage is usually taken to mean face, so faceless visage is the same as saying faceless face. Kinda strange, no?
The first paragraph is a little off because it seems like you weren't quite sure how to begin. You use some words that would normally be awesome but don't quite fit, like the aforementioned "visage". My rule for vocabulary is use pretty words but don't go hunting for a synonym for everything, because you lose your succinct quality, and sometimes less is more.
This is a quick note about punctuation for your dialog. Your example: "Where is my brother?" Edward demanded, choking down the note of panic that had attempted to surface," Where is Alphonse?"
When you begin a new line of dialog and assign it to a speaker, then have that speaker say something else, you should put a period before the second part of the dialog unless what they're saying continues the first bit of dialog. For example: "Why is it," Susie remarked, "men never stop for directions?" There's a comma after remarked because overall it's one sentence. However, this example: "Why do men never stop for directions?" Susie remarked. "They always get lost." has a period because it's two separate sentences. You also put a space before quotation marks that shouldn't be there. Other than that, your punctuation is flawless. I noticed you don't use Oxford commas XD. You're a limey bastard.
I love, love, LOVE that you used dialog to explain what's going on instead of simply telling us. I have a huge problem with telling instead of showing, and in this chapter you developed an ingenious way to combat it that I may just employ in the future.
The way you put "The Gate." on a separate line added a little bit of drama that was absolutely perfect. I don't know anything about FMA, but I instantly knew shit just got real. Brilliant.
"A single, perfect drop dropped from his hand and fell past his feet into vast nothingness. It continued to plummet into infinity, growing smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared from Ed's sight." - That right there is just good fucking writing. There's something about those two lines that just melt my fucking face off.
Your writing flow got better and better with each line. It's obvious that you hit your stride and kept it going strong. You created a great atmosphere that dripped off every word you chose.
"The figure rocked back and forth on Its heels, grinning widely" the childlike imagery there is just the right amount of creepy. Little things like that are what perfect the mood you created and make everything so vividly poignant.
OH MY GOD THOSE LAST LINES OF DIALOG WERE SO GOOD. Seriously, edge of my seat. Great work!
I'll read the next tomorrow when it's not 4 in the morning. XD
| Death Note Owner13 chapter 3 . 6/23/2008
this is good! please write some more!
| chalicity chapter 3 . 1/20/2008
has this been abandoned, i wonder?
in any case, it supremely rocks and i wish i could read more. *2 thumbs up*
| Katty008 chapter 1 . 10/7/2007
Damn you for reminding me of that it your disclaimer! DAMN YOU!
However, the teacher does get points for trying to make it not pointless, which is more then I can say for nearly everybody else.
| ElricKeyblade chapter 3 . 8/19/2007
This is a REALLY cool story. I especially loved the EdxWin. *is major EdxWin fan* And I loved the "Al and the Truth" scene as well. Where's the next chappie, dude? My mind can't wait to read more! :P
| Ishte chapter 3 . 3/9/2007
Ee... so far I'm really enjoying this. You're right, the third chapter really sets things up. Yayness. I can't wait for the next part to come out.
| gclp and friend chapter 3 . 1/10/2007
nice story. though one problem. you forgot to mention HOW to seal the gates.
| Larie-chan chapter 3 . 12/20/2006
Great merciful Heavens, UPDATE!
This idea is mindblowing and goosh-darni, you can write rather well. A combonation rarely seen! But alas, you haven't updated...why, Why haven't ye done so? Greatness like this ca not be delayed!
So widdle Al gets to have his own personal spotlight saving all of exisitance (squee) and Winry and Ed get tospend time together trying to regain his memories? One can only fail and squeel over such a prospect. Other man-made gates, saving all of creation, Al being the tallest! Why aren't you in the series? And you have magna-related references, I don't see much of that, but I really enjoy it.
This review probably scared you. It scared me, but I'm not going to stalk you that much, so you're okay for now. I kid.
May the Muses visit you Often
| The Sparx Alchemist chapter 3 . 9/30/2006
Excellent chapter, RR! I can already see the twists. Can't wait to create the tripod and really get this plot on the road! :]
| CrystalMind chapter 3 . 8/25/2006
Uniquely original! I look forward to reading more.
| Disuse chapter 3 . 8/9/2006
Oh. Wow. This is absolutely brilliant. How on Earth did you manage to keep up with this? Everyone's very IC, your writing style is smooth, and best of all, your idea is very original, and very, very intriguing, although the latter may be a bad thing, seeing as now I'm desperate for an update. xD
Anyways. I'm in awe at this...Excellent job. I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.
| HikamiTZ chapter 3 . 7/17/2006
*lip trembles* I sorta kinda had this idea about the mind soul and body but then I found this and wept at its "better than anything I could ever write"ness so I'll just have to keep reading it now won't I?
| agent000 chapter 3 . 7/17/2006
Oh man, is this story ever awesome! Wow! LOL! I was hoping against hope that I'd find another awesome story to read now that "Full Circle" was finally finished. Looks like I found one. ;) And this one might last for a good while! Awesome! Heh, for some reason, I think it's awesome whenever the Gate talks in a fic. It makes it...um...weird...but weird is so awesome! LOL!
Anyway, please update soon! This is such a cool fic, I want to read more! Thanks for providing such an interesting story. I've been longing for one. :) Update as soon as you can, okay?