|Reviews for Checkmate|
| jagonseeker chapter 1 . 6/3/2006
that... was... so... COOL! i didnt want it to end!(crys) but it was pretty good. nii died! la la la la la la!(singing in my very off pitch voice) over it! you must write something else!
| Meicdon13 chapter 1 . 4/24/2006
wow! I really liked this story...
I forgot that Nii used to be Ukoku though...great plot. I liked the part about the sensors in the walls and how Sanzo manaed to find the entrance; I wouldn't have been able to think about that myself.
| Alleonh chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
Wow, very good! I liked it a lot!
Loved that the sutra was in the Bunny! I always knew that thing had to have some greater purpose!
Also, very interesting choice on the tense that this was wrote in. I saw one or two times when it switched to past tense accidently, but 99% of the time it was perfect!
| Ditch Gospel chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
I'm very glad to see you've got a new fic posted! This is a good mix of action, suspense, and psychological drama. You had me on the edge of my seat wondering about the final outcome. One element that really struck me was your use of the gunshot at the end. I absolutely loved the way you turned the dark image of the gun, as here:
"The firing flash in the barrel of his gun as he kills incounted enemies..."
into, instead, the very thing that saved the day, bringing not self-destruction and darkness as Nii intended, but shining *light*, allowing Sanzo to locate the exit and triumph over his adversary. Just a brilliant little jewel shining in the heart of this story, I think.
I also loved the part where Nii looks into Sanzo's eyes and sees... not a child, or a man, or even a Sanzo priest, but something infinitely more profound, and in that moment, it's like he realized he never even knew who he was really up against until it was too late...
And of course, your suggestion that, once the mission is over, Sanzo will be overcome by a lack of purpose is an interesting one.
I do have one small suggestion concerning present tense. I love present tense and have decided to stick with it in my own writing, despite the fact that some people seem to feel it to be inferior to past tense. I've been working on my own style, and it seems to me that one has to be very careful about how things are phrased when using present. I think this is especially true in the case of the word 'is', which just doesn't have a smooth 'flow' to it, and doesn't work nearly as well as 'was' does in past tense. In most cases, the use of 'is' can be eliminated if the writer takes care when phrasing the story, and I think the results are worth the effort. For example, compare:
"While he is still pondering this, Ukoku assaults him with yet another question."
"While he still ponders this, etc..."
Anyway, that's just a little suggestion, and... it seems I've gotten carried away again and written another essay length review!
In short, not only does this fic have a refreshing depth to it, but it also plays out very well from start to finish, with an 'authentic' feel to it, as if I were watching an actual episode or reading the manga. I hope we can look forward to reading more from you soon!
| GreyLiliy chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
Ah, poor Nii. But he wanted to die anyway so I guess it's okay. Very interesting little shot - I like the title, very fitting.
| Ame Mika'zuki chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
this is really good... very well written. not OOC at all.
good observational skills by the way! _
write more, ne?
| nimblnymph chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
Very nicely done, and welcome back! The idea of the sutras was extremely interesting, one I never really considered before. Bully for you on that one!
I liked the metaphor with the title and all that. Very appropriate for Nii and Sanzo. And it's incredibly rare to find a story written in the present tense, so again, wonderful job there.
For a second, I thought you'd killed Sanzo... and then I looked over at the little page bar on the screen and said, "Oh, there's more. Jolly good, now I won't have to scream and cry and pull my hair out." So, you're very lucky there! *glares*
My ONLY thing (and this is more a Wish than a Problem) is that I wish the fight had been a little more detailed or longer or something. As it stands, it's good but Nii's a tough cookie and seems to be the type to have dirty tricks hidden up his sleeve. Like a holy tazer or something. I'm kidding about the tazer, but you know what I mean! The Muten Sutra hidden in the bunny is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Which brings me to my next point: That. Was. Genius! And it makes perfect SENSE, too! Why else carry around a stuffed animal at his age? So that's an excellently good idea there.
Anyway, wonderful job like I said, and I'll be looking for more from you VERY soon!