Reviews for The Unlikely Killer
DayDreamerxo15 chapter 1 . 10/7/2009
O im likin this story so far! *clicks onto chapter 2*
Lady Eivel chapter 7 . 6/4/2006
Great and glorious AmyAmidala... I like it. :) Just one thing- you spelt sequel as squeal. The two thigs are slightly different to each other, and you may have some people confused. Anyways, you finished it! Your first fic! Go you! Keep up the good work, and you know where I am if you need a hand with anything ;)
The Phantom Haircut chapter 7 . 5/27/2006
Great story. I love the very ending especially. You can always count on those penguins. I think this was your best chapter yet. Great job. I hope you keep writing. And thanks for the mention.
blblblb chapter 7 . 5/26/2006
Hey again! Awesome story! I read all the way to the end and never was bored! Anyways, PLEASE make a sequel to this fic. Please! lol! Well, UPDATE YOUR 'MIGHT BE A SEQUEL' SOON! PEACE!

-theweirdrocker P
Eroll chapter 7 . 5/26/2006
I am slightly confused...

Percy has gone, but the penguins are going to get him back, however Gloria has fallen in love with Tag, and Percy may return and be angry? Is that the jist? Don't worry, I'm slow, always have been, always will be...

Anyways, this was a brilliant story. It was great how you managed to keep track of all those intervening storylines, and so much happenned you must have a brilliant imagination. Please get the spellcheck sorted for the next one though, even though I did like these:

"Goodknight", and "a squeal"

They made me laugh. Joking aside, great story, thank you for writing it
The Phantom Haircut chapter 6 . 5/26/2006
I liked the description. But still, that grammar and spelling. Isn't there any way to fix your word processor?

just some little facts. Ellis Island, which holds the Statue of Liberty on top of it, is far from the mainland. You have to take a boat trip to get over there. It takes a little while. Plus, the water around Ellis Island is dirty and murky. You couldn't see a thing down there. In addition to that, there is no coral in that part of the ocean. And most definitely, there are no great white sharks anywhere near New York. Great Whites can be found in the Pacific Ocean, not the Atlantic. They prefer warmer water and deeper seas. In fact, the most dangerous thing in the Atlantic waters is the cold temperature. Just a few minutes of swimming will give anyone hypothermia if they weren't prepared.

Remember, you have to do research about what you're writing about. In my story, I had no idea what Kenya or Madagascar was like, so i did research to find out. I did extensive research about the city of Mombasa, so my description was accurate. The more time you put in a story, the better it will be.

Keep writing. Update soon!
Eroll chapter 6 . 5/25/2006
I'm liking it. I found it a bit hard to follow what was happening sometimes, but I got the jist, and I love Arnold the rat, so British! It's a good story, though why are you going to ruin the happy ending? How could you? :(

True, it's your story, but still...

I do like it though, the penguins are so funny...and Arnold...bring him back please!
Lady Eivel chapter 5 . 5/20/2006
Catch Yasmin! And make Alex a hero! Yay! You read Who am I and the light in her eyes yet? Whether you have or not- update soon!
The Phantom Haircut chapter 5 . 5/19/2006
You'll get more reviews if you enable anonymous reviews.

Anyways. Good chapter. A lot of action.

Problems though. Too many spelling errors. Sometimes it would just be one word after the other. See if you can fix your word processor. If you can't, the new review windows have a spell check. Review for a story and paste in your chapter, check your spelling, then copy and paste the new text back into your story document. Just a thought.

Another problem is MAN! There are so many characters. It's getting really hard to keep up. All these animals.

I liked the emotion in this chapter. It shows through more. Keep going, and update soon!

I vote for the second one.
Eroll chapter 5 . 5/18/2006
Really cool. It's getting really exciting, though the spelling isn;t always the best... Who cares though? I like it, and I think the second option is better
Lady Eivel chapter 4 . 5/12/2006
The second one. I don't like it when people die... Still good. It was funny when Kong picked up Lady Liberty :) Doctor Who tomorrow! YAY! Ok, I'm rambling now, so I'll stop. Ciao for now! Seeya l8r!
The Phantom Haircut chapter 4 . 5/10/2006
Great chapter. Your best yet. One question: Where did Kong come from? I like him, though.

Another thing. If they were on a boat, they wouldn't crash into the statue, but rather the brick and stone base that holds the statue.

I liked your use of dialogue in this chapter a lot. I also like all of your original characters like Kong, Percy, and Rina.

As for the vote, tough choices. I think I'll choose the first, though maybe have Yasmin occupied with another so there aren't THAT many deaths. My philosophy is that unless death is your main theme, try and limit it only to where it will make the most impact. Just my philosophy though. But I really like the idea of Alex facing Yasmin. What will Kazoo think!

Update soon! The suspense is killing me!
Eroll chapter 4 . 5/10/2006
This is still really cool, with loads of great developments. I agree that it is quite hard to read sometimes, what with the spelling etc, and how does your computer get stuck on Welsh?

Anyways, really good, and I think the second one sounds better because I don't like people dying. Wow, I'm a wimp aren't I? Oh well, happy endings and life forever!
The Phantom Haircut chapter 3 . 5/8/2006
Good chapter. The jumping around could be confusing, but it was refreshing to see a new style of writing. My only problem is, I get confused on your speaker.

You would say:

"Get out of here, Billy!"

"I'm trying."

To clarify, and make more content try writing that same event like this.

Still running, Josh cried out, "Get out of here, Billy!"

"I'm trying!" Billy panted, sweat now pouring down his face.

You would identify the speakers in a better way, and you would help your reader immerse themselves in the world.

Between speech and actions, describe how your characters look, what expression are they showing, what are they feeling, what are they thinking. That way we can feel that emotional process instead of just observe it.

I love your story. The events are great. Keep going, and update ASAP!

I think the second choice sounds more dramatic. Though be careful with writing fight sequences. They're a toughie. I still have problems with them.

Good luck, M.O.T.F.!
Lady Eivel chapter 3 . 5/7/2006
The second one. Gd chapter- update soon!
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