|Reviews for The Silent Promise|
| ChaoticSerenity10 chapter 24 . 6/10/2011
i feel so dizzy after reading that XD truth is i found it really hard to follow, you were jumping around so much... this is not a flame, i swear (don't get mad at meeeee!) i really liked your idea, its an awesome start,.. but it does need a lot of tweaking (sorry XD) You were jumping around without explaining much of the surroundings and as to how the characters got there. I felt as if you should of elaborated on the characters emotions, the reader only can get engaged into the story if the writer can describe enough to transport them into the story, and i just didn't feel that. (constructive criticism! not flame!... right?, i do not mean to be mean!). To achieve this you should take your story slower, stop close your eyes and imagine everything that’s taking place. What is your character feeling? those raw emotions, is what you have to tap into and try and portray exactly how you imagine them into words (adding metaphors, and analogies always help!). I kind of felt it was different that Sakura was the love struck one rather then naruto (i mean its your story which makes it original in your own way, i personally just didn't enjoy that kind of route) I felt as if you could have done wayyyy better with your awesome idea of adding the character Raven into the story jealousy is a dicey emotion that a writer can have lots of fun with :) it makes people blind and tears them apart, which you showed but could have taken further. Like maybe have naruto&sakura unofficial in the beginning, then raven can date her and naruto jealous without going bat shit crazy, play kind of a triangle thing out (just a suggestion, which you can definitely ignore.. just my thoughts). Which is best played out when you can tap into all the characters minds, getting the reader in on all of their inner most thoughts. Any who i am not writing a flame, really! i liked your story! it just needs one last push, i only bothered to add my input because i saw that you were revising, and if you needed any help... so please don't be mad at me! (ppl have really torn me up in the past, i know how it is to have bad reviews but take it and BE THE BEST WRITER YOU CAN BE) you have really good potential and a great idea (by the way I absolutely adored your fighting scenes, I think that was one of your strongest points), just take that step further and delve straight into your characters minds, what do they see? what do they think? how do they feel? details, details. i know its a struggle to put it on paper, but i wish you the best of luck :)
| Lanikins Lou chapter 24 . 4/28/2011
Ouch to the last review, but he's right about the match up but even with that I still enjoyed the story. As I see with this fan note that you are going to redo the story and my opinion is that you start from scratch and work on each element of the story. Honestly this has a lot of potential to be a great story, but I also understand that it was your first and I did check out some of your other work and see that you've come very far from this story so I expect this one to be awesome when you do it over. I'll break it down for you for the points of your plot. Work on the depth of Naruto and Sakura's relationship, make her feelings develop more for him or have Naruto have feelings for Sakura so when Raven comes along and seems like he's stealing her away, Naruto can get angry and so on and so forth. It just makes that part flow a lot better and makes Sakura look less of a complete skank lol! More depth on the Kakashi Shizune relationship as well and even Tsunade and Nobunaga because that is what really caught my eye, but you let me down with no real back story on that. The action scenes for a first time were well scripted and written, still the techniques were pretty powerful...maybe too powerful...but that's just me! And the ending was a let down as well so you need to work on that major part as well. There's a lot that I could go on with butttttt you probably know about all these things seeing that you've gotten more experience so I'll be waiting for the patched up version!
P.S.- Don't let the bad reviews get you down, just shows that you had people really interested and they got a major let down! So do better on the next one and you won't hear a single complaint! :)
| Flying Fox of Snowy Mountain chapter 24 . 4/27/2011
This story was a major let down when you introduced your gary-stu OC Raven who should never be born and appear in this story nobody cares about really. You made the narusaku relationship such a minor thing almost shallow because Sakura is "in lvoe with Raven" what to make me gouge my eye out.
Why would you even bother make this a narusaku story or even label as such in the end you turned the relationship between Naruto and Sakura so superficial because your ovrpowered gary-stu had a bigger impact on with a oc x saku front which is shoots this story in the toilet. You know it's true. Sakura is nothing but a shallow/slutty type of girl that wen from Naruto your overpowered pointless gary-stu in a heart beat making the narusaku part of this story rather look like a lame duck relationship, you know it's true to the end.
Naruto knows that your gary-stu loves Sakura and vice-versa makes the story at the end more disappointing and rather pointless "crap shot" into the toilet as you made the relationship between between your gary-stu x saku far more important and greater meaning than narusaku is absolute atroucious in all means...
What's next? You going to delete this review like an anon posted something true about your story.
PS. Drop your gary-stu or remove the the oc x saku because you make the narusaku relationship nothing be a superficial pointless shallow "crap shooter" with Sakura as the slutty-girl who doesn't care about Naruto in the end. Even Naruto seemed to realize it was rather patethic relationship as it seems. You wrote that way.
| LilSmartGirl chapter 23 . 4/11/2008
*sniff* Raven... *sniff*
nice story, thanks for writing !
| VyseN chapter 23 . 3/28/2007
Even though the fight-scenes and the plot was one of the best I've read here at FF, the screw-ups with the name made me hate this story. I'm really sorry, but it's the small things like that which really matters to me, and the way you refered to Tsunade as Tsundae since chapter 4, and never corrected it, pisses me off. And Hinta? WTF?
Well, I'll leave you with words of encourragement:
Your story would be perfect if you got a beta-reader to clean up those annoying mistakes. Some flaws in grammar, but I'm better in spotting flaws in other's stories than in my own, so don't worry too much about that. But for god's sake, get the names right in your next story. The story was good, it was the small flaws that put me off!
| VyseN chapter 4 . 3/27/2007
What the hell? Again with the Tsundae? You can't seriously think that's her name? I don't get it.. but it ticks me off..
But your story is great so far, so I guess I'll read it through just to see if it get's even better. And since it's a NaruSaku, I'll give you extra kudos for that! I'll review again when I finish the entire story!
| Yosano Yuki chapter 23 . 1/28/2007
it was a great story. But in the part where Sakura and raven wen ton that date, and fighting, and how Sakura kept going back and forth from him to naruto, seemed a little bit of how, great story.
| Ambs1516 chapter 23 . 1/2/2007
This...was...very sad. Wow.
| wordlessilence chapter 23 . 11/19/2006
| blckfireman chapter 23 . 9/12/2006
I'm a big NaruSaku fan so I liked most of it, but I didn't like how even in the end Sakura seemed to still be all over Raven. The way she jumped from Naruto to Raven so quickly and how she still was so close to Raven even when she knew she shouldn't be kinda made her seem "slutty" in a way
| LordHatredX chapter 23 . 8/30/2006
then ok story
| Puppy chapter 23 . 8/6/2006
Raven your story was beautiful. I bawled my eyes out. You need to write more like that. I love you Raven... Love Puppy
| KuroitsukiNoMai chapter 23 . 6/15/2006
wow.. incredible ending! is there a sequel?
| Necrosan chapter 1 . 6/9/2006
when they get back to Konoha, shes gotta like, find out shes Pregnant or somethig lol
| Jeefus chapter 23 . 6/8/2006
Hoora! Perfect ending (if it is the ending, if not, perfect ending to the fight). Great job. Please continue writting.