Reviews for Moves
intstebri chapter 4 . 2/27/2007
I hope you will continu that, i really like it!
Maria656 chapter 4 . 10/23/2006
Well, you know I love this alot! Glad others enjoyed "my" chap as much as I did!

Loved your take on the history-that everyone knew each other and worked together with E.O. Makes better sense than Bling appearing out of nowhere.

Maybe you don't need a fight scene; you just need the apology scene with M and B and then they head off to a gym or move the furniture and put down mats or something. Then they come back all sweaty and B is tired and achy and needs his Ma. to fix him up again-perhaps a soak in a hot tub this time?
BlueAngel137 chapter 4 . 10/22/2006
Ha, Maria and Bling on a bear-rug woo-hoo. Great chapter.

Maybe we can do some brainstorming next week (boyfriend free weekend, remember? ;)). I'm probably the wrong person to ask how to end this story (yep, we already discussed that) but I can try my best and I think "moves" has great potential to have some more chapters. (I'm by no means selfish ... nope! ;))

Favorite parts:

-...“Whatever your problem is, honey, this isn’t tea, and I’ve never heard of anybody reading his fate from melted ice-cream.” ... (oh, I love that line, LOL)

-...It was the picture of a perfect evening – and yet Bling’s attention clearly was elsewhere, something bothering him as he brooded in untypical absentness. When not even her question really registered with him, Maria tried again, this time going with the first thing she could imagine as a possible reason for Bling’s distracted behavior. “Is it Logan again?” ... (I know it's probably not funny at all, but the thought that Logan regularly "invades" Bling's privacy made me smile all the same.)

It's interesting to see certain things (the shooting, Max, Logan) from another POV. I really enjoyed that. (practising for the challenge, huh? ;P)

And I absolutely love this part: -...Bling had rolled his eyes at this impossible couple, feeling perfectly safe to do so as both seemed to have completely forgotten his presence in the moment they’d plunged into their own private Max-and-Logan-universe. What the both of them needed, Bling had thought with an inward groan, was a sound smacking-together of their stubborn heads. ... (*sighs*)

Excellent job. THANKS.
RT4ever chapter 4 . 10/20/2006
My favorite thing about this chapter? (yuppers it is no longer Maria's flashback)

The 'hads' got cut down almost by HALF. Freakin amazing. :-P Haha I swear I think it's official that I've lost my mind. And just today what did I see a blurb about reading your fortune in coffee grounds.

I don't think I have anything new to say (pretty sure I shoved it all in my mini reviews/comments before). It's still a great chapter. I love the strength behind your original character, I love how quickly I fell in with her as if she'd been part of the original show.

So now since this was all done for Maria, any chance Logan could have a flash back to college with a cute little blonde Mia? :-P (a girl's got to try)

Now as for the end of the story. I see it as a sappy little moment between Max and Logan in which Max confesses her fears and Logan reassures her that she is normal and perfect in every way that matters. Possibly an almost 'almost like that moment' so you can follow this up with a sappy sequel. :-D
shywr1ter chapter 4 . 10/20/2006
“Whatever your problem is, honey, this isn’t tea, and I’ve never heard of anybody reading his fate from melted ice-cream.”

Love it! What a fantastic line, in itself, but even better as a *great* way to get this chapter started! :}

“Is it Logan again?” (And this too, what we all suspected - that Logan causes Bling lots of worry time even away from him!)

I so like your flashback! Not only was it a very well-done, additional view of that time after the shooting, but it's especially moving to come from someone else who knew Peter, Bling & Logan, but from a different POV and a different level of closeness and of knowledge about their activities. Bravo!

Interesting, this installment, considering we have just been talking about stories done from various characters' POVs. Maria's observations of Max, too, are insightful and very valid reasons for why Max's demeanor is as it is.

"If anything went wrong today it’s because handling them is just like juggling eggs, not because you suddenly turned into a thoughtless idiot.” (Priceless!)

Now, as to your intro, "Nothing of relevance for anybody else, I’m afraid" -nothing could be further from the truth! As I said above, Maria's memories and reflections are a terrific alternate view of the characters but compleletly within canon, as far as how the characters were protrayed. Bling's concerns and thoughts also work really well. This is a *great* chapter, even for those of us who aren't Maria! ;}

...and cos I *do* want more, I'll see if I can think of any ideas to throw into the pot to help!
angelstryst chapter 3 . 10/15/2006
M... the thought of those two guys in work out clothes all sweaty. Okay needless to say you got my attention!

-A part of Logan wanted to yell at Bling for making Max dash out of the penthouse and away from him. Unfortunately though the concept of yelling implied knowing what the object of one’s ire did wrong - great line!

I'm sorry I've just gotten around to reviewing. Hope you get a chance to update soon!
RT4ever chapter 3 . 9/6/2006
Okay so first off it's nice that Bling gets a taste of what Logan has to go through, of course Logan normally does something that involves making Max pissy, but he's generally just as clueless as Bling is now.

-I love how overprotective of Max Logan is and how his first thought is to punish Bling despite the fact the guy's done nothing wrong.

-Still LOVE the whole Maria thing.

There was totally something else I wanted to say and I for the life of me cannot remember it on like my 6th read through of the chapter, which is why I so need to remember to leave myself little notes as I wait for you to post.

As always though, great chap!
BlueAngel137 chapter 3 . 9/6/2006
Ha, I'm a mind reader, see? ;-)... I think that's the most dangerous thing about DA fanfic; the reader tends to invade the writers head ... hwua ;-). Are you scared now?

Thanks for updating this great story.

I liked the M/B interaction and especially loved that for once it was Logan who tried to make Bling feel better.

Favourite parts:

-...Logan simply offered him a sympathetic smirk, wryly remembering the uncountable times when Bling had remained silent after he had pissed off Max. “That didn’t go as planned, hmm?”... (LOL)

-...As if someone had pushed an invisible button, Logan’s face took on stubborn set and, without so much as a second thought or a single moment of hesitation, the usual mantra was out of his mouth. “We’re not…”

“… like that. Yeah sure, I know.” ... (just great!)

-...Bling smirked, momentarily distracted by Logan’s complete, utter clueless-ness. ...(and the whole following paragraph, it's awesome!)

I really enjoyed the chapter and definitely look forward to the next one. Can't wait to see Max's reaction when Logan invites her for dinner. THANKS.
annie200 chapter 3 . 9/4/2006
Great chapter!
Maria656 chapter 3 . 9/4/2006
I can feel the love :-D How'd you know I love Chinese food?

Nice work and looking forward to more!
shywr1ter chapter 3 . 9/4/2006
Ah, more of the poor confused fellas- a fun role reversal, with Bling being the one torn up about Max and doing something that upset her, and Logan being the one to suggest that it will all work out. Nice too that Logan recognized Bling's honorable nature, feeling he needed to apologize when clearly her reaction was over the top.

Lovely bits:

"Logan just answered with his widest companionable grin. 'Hey, you know, it’s only payback.' And it really was. Bling was a man of many talents, each of them highly appreciated of Logan: ever-patient therapist, motivational guru, valued advisor in Eyes Only matters… wise friend. Logan didn’t want to think about what would have become of him after the shooting had he met a therapist who didn’t possess Bling’s unique mix of resolute gentleness."

-Also nice that Logan is so aware of this.

"And now he had even talked him into learning a bit of self-defence, an idea Logan would have successfully resisted with everybody else."

-And hey, surprise surprise, he learned a little something! I like the fact that he's admitting these things at least to himself... ;}

Thanks for this installment- and I really am looking forward to *everyone* getting into some serious work-outs and butt-kicking practice!
0101010 chapter 2 . 7/14/2006
Mari-wow! This is terrific-haven't read any FFN for a couple of months-and yours was the first place i stopped-well done. I'll look forward to more!

BlueAngel137 chapter 2 . 7/11/2006
LOVE IT! Your descriptions and characterizations are perfect. You give the reader deep inside into Max's and Logan's feelings/thoughts and I can imagine the scenario play out on screen ... and would really love to watch it on TV.

Poor Bling - he first has to convince Logan to learn some moves and then has to deal with Max (somehow reminds me of handling a box of uncooked eggs) ;-) ).

It's great (and by the way one of the things I like so much about DA generally) that bringing up a seemingly neutral topic (like practicing self defense, learning some moves) can result in a sudden mood change, even in a serious conflict. The two of them have their inner demons and you really found a great way to show that. Awesome job!

Favorite parts:

-...Yet her teasing attempt to show him that his self-conscious secretiveness wasn’t necessary went sideways. An unbelieving glance upwards was the only answer to her approval, paired with a snorted, uneasy “Yeah, right” as he reached back with one hand to gingerly rub his neck. ... (very, very logan-ish)

-...The sight of him in his workout gear, propped up on muscular arms, face slightly flushed from his workout did strange things to Max. ... (and the whole ... hot ... following part ... :-))

-...Nevertheless Max head jerked around in wide-eyed surprise, caught utterly unawares by this unexpected query. Fazing the tricky decision of how to play this, she hesitated, all silly daydreams about Logan instantly forgotten. ... (Excellent!)

I could've cut and pasted a lot more. IMO it's the best chapter/story you ever wrote - DA season 1 feel at it's finest! Your way with words is outstanding. I'm honestly impressed, especially since English isn't even your first language! Can't wait for the next part. THANKS.
Chimera452Bast chapter 2 . 7/9/2006
That was great. I love the dramatic entrance of Max and her ability to instantly pick up on things. Maybe it would be good to have Max and Bling spar though. Good motivation for Logan, especially if the only place Max feels comfortbale doing that is at Logan's place. Insert Logan here...and MAGIC. lol. But that is just what i see.

Logan is normally the pissy one, so it's a nice switch. Keep Bling on both of their asses too. Keep postin, cuz i'm looking forward to seeing where you take this next part.
rt4ever chapter 2 . 7/9/2006
Oh it's interesting to see a piece before and after. And dammit, you HAD to go back to my extreme hatred of your 2nd language skills being better than my first, didn't you. :-P

You definitely got your flow back with this story after being away from it for a few days. It sounds gread, just like EVERYTHING else you write.

Still love Logan in shorts, would totally be having the same reaction as Max.

I shall also repeat once more, I love Max's main reason behind not wanting to spar with Bling. Killing Machine. I just love how you highlight her insecurities with those two words as if they'd suddenly see 'the truth' and not be her family anymore.

I'm looking forward to more!

PS- Thank you for making him twist upright. :-P (I swear I focus on the weirdest things)
26 | Page 1 2 Next »