Reviews for Forlorn
Red Wings chapter 20 . 3/23/2008
Interesting match-up between Shikamaru and Tenten. Most fanfic authors stick to the usual Shika/Temari match. Of course, by virtue of his brilliant strategical mind, Shikamaru wins the match. Not that Tenten was a slouch. Using the Cow-Killer takes significant skill. At least she lost to an opponent who was worth her while.

Oh, Temari vs Haku! So that's the new jutsu that he stole prior to the to summon rain, huh? Nice foreshadowing, if you meant it at all! A certain Akatsuki member does this, albeit with greater skill than our Hyoton user, but Haku will get stronger in time, ne? And anyways, he wins the match! Haku-kun still relies heavily on his water jutsu. Needs to kick the habit. Nice technique in disable Temari, though. Fake death no jutsu, ha! Take that Zabuza! The ease with which Haku can take a man (or a woman) down is incomparable!

Ah, a tie between Sasuke and Lee! I couldn't have ended it better myself!

Gaara-kun! Didn't think Sato could do him in so much. Too bad Shukaku took over. Now for the Chase!
Red Wings chapter 19 . 3/23/2008
The training commences. I loved the long NaruHina scene at the beginning. Getting pointers from Hinata on the Jyuuken (not getting beat by the Gentle Fist) is a smart thing to do, Naruto-kun! Favorite parts:

Hinata closed her eyes for a moment, wondering what to say. Perhaps now was the time to confide in him all of her secrets— after all, he had been the first person to actually listen— the first person to actually understand her feelings.

That as well as Hinata telling Naruto about Neji, how he understands the feeling of being an orphan. Hinata is still Hinata as usual, kind and compassionate. Ah, she asked the critical question. The Kyuubi is a secret to only but a few handful of Konoha inhabitants, as well as Haku and Gaara. I loved this part of Naruto's:

Naruto turned away from Hinata, taking a few moments to think the situation over, ‘If I do tell her, she’ll hate me for sure…and I don’t want that! I like that Hinata-chan likes me! I want her to!’ He scowled inwardly, ‘But she’ll never like the real me…the me that keeps that goddamn Fox locked up all the time!’

And this part as well:

‘She’d hate me if she knew...’ He assumed, his opinion was the same as it was before— where the subject had nearly been touched upon then. Naruto was beginning to find her Kekkei Genkai just as intrusive and problematic as much as it was helpful, and on occasion— adorable.

“Yeah, I’m…special like that.” Naruto waved the topic off with a half-hearted voice.

She smiled and his chest clenched painfully. That smile was causing him a lot of grief right now.

If he did share his secret with her, it would be safe— he knew she would never tell another living soul. The issue would be her horrified reaction, and the vanishing of the smile he was becoming as dependent on as drawing a breath.

If he lost that, he’d be nothing short of dead— where neither Gaara nor Haku would be able to resuscitate him.

::faints from the fluff, waff, angst and utter obvious romance::

Nice training scene with Team 7. What surprised me most was the Sakura/Sasuke segment. Him teaching her Katon jutsus? Didn't think he spare his precious time teaching anyone his precious jutsus, but in this case, Sakura is an exception. Since she's actually being a real ninja and striving to become strong, she's actually made him notice her. Was hoping that Kiba would last longer though. Great fight, Sakura and Sasuke! It's nice to see Sakura doing shit instead of staying back in the sidelines. She's very useful in this fic.

Hehe, loved the Haku/Sato scene! Stealing scrolls is the way to go, boys! And for pocky! Who wouldn't do it for pocky!

Ah, not fighting, Haku-kun and Gaara-kun! You guys are brothers!

Great match between Naruto and Neji. It's more action-packed than usual, since Naruto has more experience in summoning his toads. Oh, he used the Rasengan too! Go Naruto-kun! And of course, victory to Uzumaki Naruto! W00t!

Hehee, liked how you kept the part where Naruto smacks Shikamaru into the arena.

Sakura smirked at Ino beside her, “Is he always this graceful, Ino-pig?”

“Can it, Sakura!”

Loved that last part.
Red Wings chapter 18 . 3/23/2008
The day after the preliminaries...Haku-kun is such a sweetheart! I love him to death! I liked the interactions between the different characters. Oh, Neji isn't #1 to Tenten! For the first time too. But hey, Hinata is just too much like Haku not to be liked (and loved!). Don't worry, Hinata, Naruto will get that stick out of Neji's ass next chapter! Poor Haku-kun though, being reprimanded by his sensei, but he has a point. The only thing keeping Haku from becoming like Sasuke is if he has greater willpower to fend it off. And yay! We get to see Gaara with his siblings! Haha, Sato-kun is so funny! But even he can be serious, I see. NaruHina goodness! ::sighs, and melts into a puddle of warm goo:: Nice fight between Neji and Tenten! Didn't think the Hyuuga prodigy would have to go Hakke Rokujyuuyon Shou on her though...says a lot about his skill, as well as Tenten's. Tenten is just awesome, though. She'll be able to kick Neji's ass soon. Gaara telling that his family has always been there for him and that he'll always be there for them was just so heartwarming! I really like this Gaara you guys have molded and taken out of his cold, Suna-nin canon self.
Red Wings chapter 17 . 3/21/2008
Ah, loved the fights! Miosuke deserved to be crushed by Gaara! Exposing him like that...Temari and Kankurou's teammate has no shame. Ino and Temari, never saw that coming, but I knew that Temari would win. Shino vs Lee was interesting...didn't think that Shino would lose, but hey, Lee's underdeveloped chakra coils aren't much for Shino's Kikai bugs. At least now, Sato and Shino will be reconciled, right? Haku vs Zaku, hey no contest! I knew Haku would win, despite his handicap (damn you Orochimaru, damn you!). He's just that awesome. Sakura vs Tenten: Great beginning Sakura, but Tenten came out the winner in the end, though, it seems that Sakura's genjutsu encouraged Tenten to fight with her all. Maa...As usual, Neji is being an ass towards Hinata, though not with his usual cruelty. He actually does care about her. I expected that the winners were the usual canon, plus Tenten, Lee, and Sato.
Red Wings chapter 16 . 3/21/2008
NO~ Haku-kun! In the hands of that snakey, transvestite Orochimaru? HELL NO! ::punches the air furiously::

Tenten's devotion to Neji is very endearing, and though I thought that Haku and her would've been an item, it's obvious that Tenten and Neji are gonna get together down the road. Neji does need to get a kick in the ass every now and then.

Poor Sato! Poor(er) Hinata! Discord amongst Team 8 is not what I expected. Too bad that Hinata has to deal with two guys that hate each other. It makes teamwork so much more difficult.

Oh! Gaara sees his siblings again! Can't say I like their new teammate though.

Sasuke got the Cursed Seal still (keeping to the canon, huh? but I'm not complaining about this). Kiba's down and out, and Sakura's the one who has to take care of them. Sheez, the girls have it rough...

Am very glad to see that Haku and Naruto are alright, though. Team 2 made it! Though, Haku should've told his sensei about the new development he's received courtesy of Orochimaru. Haku's supposed to be the good boy, but it seems he's becoming more and more deviant. Will you please develop a way to get rid of the Cursed Seal from him?
Red Wings chapter 15 . 3/21/2008
Aw, Sakura's upset that she blabbed about her friends' abilities. But more like she's upset that she upset Gaara. I like that she's very considerate in this fic.

Gaara's telling Naruto about Hinata's crush on him! could he? Naruto and Hinata will get together eventually!

Ah, Neji...he's facing hardship in the Hyuuga clan still. Now without the Cursed Seal that marks a Branch member, he's constantly at odds with the Bunke. I even like Neji in his fic. He'll be facing much more adversity since he's the heir of the clan, though. Much more is expected of him, and it won't be any picnic to actually lead the clan either.

Loved the NaruHina interactions here! Yay, they train together! And Naruto shows Hinata the Rasengan! And Hinata teaches him about her clan's fighting style, the Gentle Fist! And he teaches her Kage Bunshin! Er, doesn't that take a large amount of chakra, btw? Hinata has better control than Naruto, but as for reserves...

More spotlight on our favorite under-appreciated characters, Tenten and Lee (well, Lee isn't that much of an under-appreciated guy, after all, goes after Sasuke in the Retrieval Arc...)! And Tenten gets a new weapon! And trains with Lee so she can better handle it! Damn, I'm just reminded how badass Tenten is, as well as Lee. I happen to like these two better than Neji.

Sato learns the Chidori? Already? I like the scene with him and Tama. She's so encouraging. They'll have a good life together, if they get married, which they will, right? Usually I don't like OCs much, but these two are exceptions. I feel like they'll play an important part in the story later on...

Oh, Haku-kun, ganbatte! I can't wait for him to be able to kick-ass without usage of his bloodline and water techniques. Zabuza will cure that when they train together, yes?

Great mission with Team Gai! This shows just how strong they are, and a definitely powerful team. They are combat specialists, after all. And Tenten splitting that Rock-nin in half with the zanbatou? Heh, she doesn't need to pander after Tsunade, she's her own idol, SHANNARO!

Now the boys of Team 2 relaxing, talking about their girls is just KA-YOOT! And Gaara going to see Sakura...these two are definitely a couple, I swear. By the end of this fic, they will be.

And yes, the long awaited Chuunin exams have begun!
Red Wings chapter 14 . 3/21/2008
Great chapter! Team 2 and Team 8 training together...::thinking NaruHina goodness:: Now we get to see what Sato is like!

Didn't think there'd be any character that was more wackier than Naruto, and what's more, he's Kakashi's nephew! He's an interesting OC, alright...and not one I object to. Who knew that Kakashi still had family? But hey, this is your fic, and you rule.

And YES! NaruHina goodness! Loved the way he defended Hinata from Sato, despite the fact that they were just training. My favorite part:

Naruto gave him another scowl, “What are you laughing at?”

The silver haired boy smirked, “Oh...nothing, it’s just that– I don’t think it’s very fair of you to just butt in like that Naruto-kun. Sunshine is my favorite sparring partner after all...” And as an after thought, ‘Why wouldn’t she be? Shino hates my ever-loving guts...’

“Stop calling her that! Her name is Hinata! Hi-na-ta, got it?” Naruto snapped, trying his best not to hit him again, “Why are you always so familiar with her anyway?”

“We’re just close friends, I guess...but you know what?” Sato lowered his voice and smirked maniacally, “I think she likes me!”

Naruto gagged spontaneously at the idea, before regaining his composure and asking with a fairly large amount of hostility, “Who, in their right mind, would like a person like you?”

“Hmm...” he smirked again, “I would!”

Sato's definitely won me over. One of the best OCs ever to be created.

Jiraiya teaching Naruto the Rasengan this early in the game...well, he is his sensei.

And ah! A break! The Tanabata festival! Gaara's gonna have a long night, what with Sakura dressed up. And whoa, another OC! This time, it's Gai's niece! And OH! She's affianced to Sato, Kakashi's nephew! Over a competition of eating ramen, too...hehehe. Loved the part where Chouji's dad said "Amateurs". LOL!

Haha, Sato's easily lured by pocky! I love Pocky! Especially the winter chocolate good...

Haku stealing Hinata away was just great! Naruto's reaction was priceless. Clever the way he made use of Kage Bunshin, too! And oh, drama between Naruto and Gaara! So that's why Sasuke didn't dance. With Sakura following him, they can talk some place private, and he can get info on Team 2.

Someone's jealous...
Red Wings chapter 13 . 3/21/2008
Haku-kun is tortured with thoughts of his past and his clan. I'm not surprised, what with how Zabuza told him about there being survivors out there somewhere (just look at the Kaguya clan, Kimimaro survived, though he was the only one...with Haku, who knows?). Poor Haku-kun, don't worry, be happy! Your fan(girls) won't be happy if you're not happy! I wouldn't be, anyways.

I definitely loved the sparring match between Naruto and Gaara. My favorite part:

Something occurred to Naruto, as he watched sand drift around the redhead in slow, calculating coils, and he frowned, “Let’s train, I’m bored.”

Gaara looked up at him impassively, not very interested. Haku most often tested his defenses, and when it came to sparring Naruto...Naruto usually made such a raucous Gaara would purposely end the fight just to not have to listen to his jabbering.

He also knew that wasn’t very fair, but it bothered his conscience very little.

The blonde couldn’t help but be spiteful. There was sand everywhere! It was an open invitation and apparently, Gaara wasn’t taking him very seriously.

“Get up off your ass, Gaara-teme, we should really work on your taijutsu,” Naruto smirked, seeing the redhead scowl, “I mean, all you do is stand around and let your sand protect you. But I’m pretty sure one day you’ll run into someone who can get past that shield of yours...”


“Well, it’d still be useful,” Naruto went on, “What? You too lazy to improve your speed and stamina? Now that I think about it, you are kind of clumsy.”

“Have you looked in a mirror recently?”

“Hey! At least I can throw a punch!” Naruto barked, flexing a non-existent muscle, “Which is more than you can say!”

The sand hovering around Gaara dropped down; that was the last straw. He didn’t have to prove anything to anyone, most especially Naruto. Gaara stood, almost mechanically, and gave Naruto a mild leer.

The blonde was pleased, ‘I guess I got his attention!’

In truth, Naruto had never actually seen Gaara fight in close-quarters combat. Ever. So it was an understatement to say he was completely shocked as the red haired boy shifted into a textbook-perfect offensive stance, and beckoned him to come at him with a flat-palmed hand.

The nerve.

The absolute nerve.

That was the best part! The friendly rivalry between these two, I just love it!

And yes, Haku's discovered his Demonic Ice Mirrors! Well...not all of them, yet. But he's making progress!

The end of the Wave mission was interesting. Gaara crushed those guys like it was nothing. Nothing less than is expected of him, though. Zabuza is luring Haku again. Well, it's not as if he can learn much about his bloodline in the Leaf.

Heh, Ero-sennin has to do community service! LOL

And the end of the chapter...NaruHina goodness! Yay!
Red Wings chapter 12 . 3/21/2008
Whoa, Haku and Tenten? I never saw that coming...but now that I think about it, and from reading this, it is doable. I'd be flattered if he asked me out to tea... ::sighs:: He's so sweet...and gutsy, affirming to Tenten that they're on a date! He's got stuff.

And yes, we get to see Anko! She is totally awesome, ranking up there with Tenten and Temari, one of the best characters and kunoichi in Naruto. Never thought she'd be subbing for Jiraiya though...but then again, the perv's off to do his research, or actually getting info on Orochi or Akatsuki. Lol, she called them "maggots"...XD

The fight between her and Zabs was great. That was a curveball that came from the sides I never expected. You're just full of surprises. And...Zabuza and Haku meet! And he tells Haku about his bloodline! Oh, I can tell there's bound to be something ominous between the two later in the story. I can feel it.
Red Wings chapter 11 . 3/20/2008
Yes, Haku-kun's gaining his skill in using senbon and shinjutsu! While not as powered up (yet) as his canon self, he's definitely getting there. When he teams up with Zabuza though, oh, Haku will definitely be powerful, much more so than before.

I'm starting to like your Sakura more and more, if only because she's getting with Gaara and not being a bitch to Naruto like in the canon. At least in this fic, she'll be getting stronger and actually working towards becoming an actual ninja instead of hiding behind the guys to protect her. Her rivalry with Ino is well-noted.

Of course, Naruto, Haku and Gaara get into a Genin cell together. What I wasn't counting on was an OC being in Hinata's team. Of course, someone has to fill the dearth that Kiba is in the original series. Is this a wink to Team 8? Kiba could have a positive influence on Sasuke, after all...

Yay! Sakura and Hinata have lunch with the guys. I agree with Sakura that the guys could've shared with her and Hinata as well...loved the part where Hinata said she was glad that Naruto stole the scroll. Mizuki deserves to rot in hell.

Loved the interactions with the other teams as well. Sato is an interesting guy. I usually don't like OCs, but he's managed to tickle my curiosity. Team 10 is the same, and Tenten's team...heh. Neji is still the same guy, though not as bad as in the original.
Red Wings chapter 10 . 3/20/2008
ROFL! Loved the scene where Gaara-kun used his sand to "wake" Naruto up. Classic! One can tell they are such good roommates.

LOLz, love the fanclub that's been built around Haku-kun. The boy is such a sweetie, its no wonder why the girls of the class (if not the whole Academy, or village, for that matter) flock to him. I see him as a chivalrous gentleman who would treat his girlfriend (or wife, if ever he gets hitched) wonderfully. Happy is the girl who gets Haku, for she gets to have a loving, kind, and very strong (he'll be so much more powerful as he matures) shinobi, and a good person, for a partner. ::sighs::

I like the way you keep the characters true to their canon selves, but still manage to be flexible enough in this fic. Hinata's crush on Naruto, for instance, only he notices her than in the canon, and Gaara notices this. Wonderful, wonderful!

Wah, Haku-kun, how can you have such terrible aim! But ah, Tenten comes and saves the day! Tenten is fucking awesome, there's no doubt about it, she's one of the best ninja in Naruto, not only kunoichi. She's strong, confident and handles weapons better than anyone else! Yet, Kishimoto does not bring out her character much in the original series. I like how you make her mroe prominent here.

Although I've never liked Sakura much, you've definitely made me like her in your fic. Love the way she's friends with Naruto and his group. Especially how close she is with Gaara. ::winks::

Hehe, Haku the genius! He is a genius, though, even in the canon, Zabuza brags about Haku's prowess while fighting with Kakashi. In this fic, though, his stealing scrolls to learn more ninjutsu is utterly fantastic and within the bounds of his character. He'd definitely get away with it.

As for the scenario with Mizuki, I liked how you kept even that bastard IC. How else are we gonna have Naruto learn about the demon inside him? What I liked most though was that Naruto wasn't alone this time. Gaara's and Haku's pasts were exposed as well, though they fought back against Mizuki. Iruka was just as heroic as usual, which I liked. Naruto, Haku and Gaara coming to the rescue was just great. Those three are really a team.

Great omake, by the way! Gaara glaring at the targets for Haku's shuriken to hit them makes for a greatly amusing scenario in my mind. Fangirls can be useful sometimes, at least, in Haku's case. "Marry me Haku-kun! I want to have your babies!"

::sigh:: Why did Kishimoto have to make such a bishi character like Haku? If only guys like these came in abundance...
Red Wings chapter 9 . 3/20/2008
Ok, oops, Naruto burst into the Hokage's to tell them about Sasuke's slaughtered clan. Sasuke and Sakura are beginning to start a friendship (getting closer...), Haku's fainted, and Gaara's still knocked out. Not much action here, I admit, as in the other chapters, but there'll be plenty more in the next ones. Poor kids though, had to see all those bloody corpses...Konoha is not as safe as its inhabitants think it to be. Gaara snoozed through the whole Uchiha massacre he won't know what Sasuke's been through. I sense tension in the air between Sasuke and Gaara...and it'll be all due to a certain pink-haired future medical ninja...

Naruto is so loveable, he wants to protect his friends! But, saying that Haku and Gaara have special powers while he doesn't is too much! He's the container of the all-powerful demon, Kyuubi no Kitsune, dammit! Just wait, Naruto-kun, you'll get your spot in the sun!
Red Wings chapter 8 . 3/20/2008
No~ Haku-kun lost! Ah well...I did like how the whole chakra-control vs unlimited stamina (thus, larger chakra reserves) played it in Haku and Gaara. One with a powerful bloodline and one carrying the Ichibi...great fight! Loved it to the end, although Haku lost.

Yes, Gaara gets a better seal from Jiraiya! At least he'll sleep better now without Shukaku whispering into his mind. Neji and Hinata are so cute here, love their interactions, too. Love the protective streak that Neji has for his little cousin.

Liked the way you had Gaara separated from the main group by having him knocked unconscious from being sealed. The Uchiha Massacre is up, of course.

The interactions between the characters is just wonderful. Haku getting freaked out, Sakura comforting Sasuke, thus setting a chain reaction that would rock their future (cuz now Sasuke is taking to Sakura, who's actually into Gaara, who returns her feelings, if not yet on a mature scale), and Naruto bursting in and telling the Hokage and rule, seriously. All these events tie together to make up a divergence from the canon that is significant. Next chapter.
Red Wings chapter 7 . 3/20/2008
Gotta love Naruto, Haku and Gaara livin' together. They're gonna be a tight-knit family, brothers even. And yay, Naruto & co. broke into the Hyuuga compound! Take that, all-seeing, powerful Hyuuga clan! ::throws punches into the air:: Yay, Neji didn't get the Cursed Seal! But...Hizashi-sama still gets killed... ::sniffles:: Oh, Haku vs Gaara fight! Must see! ::goes to the next chapter to eat it up...::
Red Wings chapter 6 . 3/20/2008
Hehehe, the image of chibis Naruto, Haku and Gaara standing to the side while Jiraiya drinks himself drunk in an attempt to steady himself from said chibis is just great! Loved the part where Naruto tried out the sake. I'm reminded by a similar experience, where I tried out beer from my dad's can...ugh, I was spoiled for life after that. Swore off of alcohol then and there.

“Nyah! That stuff is gross!” LOL, Naruto is so cute here!

Hah, Sarutobi-sama is so awesome, letting Haku and Gaara stay! He is the soul of kindness! 10 points for keeping Gaara a secret from his father.

Oh yay! NaruHina goodness! Chibi Naruto and Hinata are so cute! ::squeals in fangirlish delight::

Gaara and Sakura, huh...never really thought of much, not as a couple, but I am starting to lean towards it, seeing as how Gaara is taking to little Sakura so early. I have no complaints whatsoever at this pairing!

And yay! They're all going to save Neji! Now he won't be such an asshole to Hinata and the others! Go team, go!
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