Okay, now seems like things are going to get more difficult now, and looking forward to what happens next time.

Depressing chapter. Ranma can never get a break, now can he? Great story though.

Thanks for updating, been looking forward to this one. Great Writing as awalys, waiting for more.

All in all if there were more stories of this caliber, I might be too busy to get much time to write myself ;)

Overall, I kind of like the style of writing. It is quite descriptive, although it sometimes takes a bit more effort during reading, which again isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Good luck with this...

why is akane still dead?

Oh boy, those idiots are going to have to face the wrath of an angry Ranma when she finds they took her child and last link to Akane besides her memories. I hope Ranma breaks them in half!

Great work. The Tendos reacted as expected to the news, although I'd have thought Soun would flood Nerima. Keika reacted very mature to the news that Ranma is really her father; but the question is, did she believe it?

But that's of minor importance now considering what happened at the end of the chapter.

Looking forward to more.

I don't believe Nynaeve was the one who healed Logain.

I love the story dude and am glad your keeping it going. All I can assume is that your going to have Ranma PISSED that his daughter was kidnapped. I'm hoping you'll have Machin revive so that Ranma can be reunited, but whatever you decide, I'll be waiting semi-patiently for the next update. :)

Two weeks? Really? my Gmail only received it on the 13th... Anyway, sorry man. I haven't been bothering to use my internet for quite a while, so your update caught me unawares.

Yeah, sorry.

I suppose it'll be a bit difficult to fit my usual editings into this review box, but since your story is already posted, I guess it won't make much sense to hand back your draft - presumably this and the draft you gave me have some slight differences. To keep things (somewhat) brief, I'll just point out the things that struck me most prominently.

First off: paragraphing. You're actually pretty good at this, breaking lines for greater effect, but for some reason no you've relapsed into fitting two people to speaking in the same paragraph:

e.g:

A feline paw extended towards a sign that, upon close inspection, did have Japanese Kanji on it. He walked towards it slowly but was suddenly interrupted. “Halt, knave!” Came the distinct words of someone Ryoga would rather not deal with. “Oh no…” Ryoga muttered in an annoyed tone.

“Keika!” Ranma exclaimed, excitedly. “Mama… wha… what’s goin’ on?” Keika asked strangely. Her eyes darted. Left, right, left, up, down. Flitting randomly in a terrified dance with the darkness. Her arms flailed as if she were looking for something that wasn’t there.

and stuff. I'll admit that some of them alone sound pretty empty, but if that's the case, I must ask you: do you need that small section? For the second example given, it works just as well without Ranma's exclamation.

One particular line with Nabiki confused me somewhat:

Slowly Kasumi walked an overly emotional Nabiki into the house. “I don’t wanna see her Kasumi! I don’t want to! Not again!” Nabiki cried pathetically, while Kasumi just held her.

By "her", who is "she"? Akane I can presume, but that won't explain seeing her "again" - she's only seen the dead body once, and it would make more sense to fit this line to before she actually sees her then. The reaction and its placement feels a bit strange. If "she" is death, then it'll make sense; you'll just have to make that a bit clearer.

Ranma's reaction to Keika's injuries also struck me as a bit unbalanced. The para. following Ranma's "By god, Keika" suggests it was seen through Ranma's eyes, thus giving some perspective to what he/she thought about it. And then you follow that up with a "meh, it's nothing" type of line. I suggest somewhere in the future when you finish this and decide to run another drafting session (some authors like doing that) you give a bit more inspecting time - veteran eyes or no, the audience will feel more comfortable with that.

Interesting section with Halcyon. I'm sure it leads to a distant plot device you will exploit to its full potential. That part was probably one of the best organisations of feeling and events I've seen in quite a while. You should write short stories to complement your fanfiction - you can actually make money that way.

Quote:

It was because she wasn’t strong enough. Moon Reversion Amelioration was a reversal attack. It brought things back to how they were. Reversed the effects of the past. She had been unconscious for hours it seemed meaning that pulling back the effects of hours, she would have to revert things to hours before in an attempt to resurrect them. Her Moon Reversion Amelioration could only reverse what had happened recently. If she had been stronger she could have gone back further, reversed time further till the point that life and soul would be restored to the dead ones. Now though… their souls were dead and gone. Too far back.

...Eh? You first say she wasn't strong enough, then say that "if she had been stronger"... Make up your mind, brother! But a cute "No use wasting it" line. I felt that the transition was a bit awkward, flipping from turning "the television off angrily" to "she smiled", but despite a bit of wobbling, it works bring in the final stuff.

By the way, stuck in the little pocket of Setsuna's creation, how much time has passed for Keika to learn her fancy new attacks? It's not important, really - actually I think what you did by not mentioning it works better - but I'd like to know, since Ranma has only seen them and cannot duplicate them, and Keika can presumably feel them but shouldn't know how to form them yet.

Hmm. I really should brush up on my Wheel of Time info. You read the newest book, by the way? Book... 11? I lost count. Who's anyone? For the life of me I cannot remember any of the Chosen, so that section was me just tripping over myself. Perhaps you could add a bit of info in that chunk layered discreetly all over the place - who's who, who looks like what, who does what - to help people with abysmal memory like me.

By redhead, which redhead do you mean? From what I gathered, Keika has red hair. Ranma female also has red hair. You only mention them taking one girl, but the Ways being empty after that, so I'm a bit confused.

Overall, you've done pretty well. You've written before without my critique, of course, so you have plenty of experience under your belt. Still, scan for some transition problems when you go from one idea to another - if you can stamp that out, then you'll have a very solid chapter.

And sorry about not using the internet. I was too busy figuring out the physics of a catapult (and have a real kickass formula for it too, although I believe it stops working after 90 degrees).

Cheers, and great job! And I'll try to poke around my e-mail more often! (wow, a thousand word review, and not one done to the greatest of depths... the effort you inspire, Materia; the effort you inspire)

Ranma survives all that just to die now, How PATHETIC.

More... MORE.

Already stated my views on this one. Easily within my top ten favorites. Keep writing. Or else.

Good job. Looking forward to when Reika see's her dad for the first time.

I loved the end of So Be It, and am glad that you decided to use a new fic to be the sequel. Honestly it was the perfect place to stop, so continuing in a different fic was a good idea.

It strikes me as too early to really tell how good this one will be, but I do think it is on the right track.

Alo again its (review) time! Enjoyed it alot there, question though... maybe I read it to fast ... but I missed the reason as to why Usagi couldn't ressurect them again. They died by electricity and other 'normal' methods, not balefire ... so why can't she just healemup and pop their souls back in like before?

Also ... what the heck making Ranma 'mom' and Akane totally unmentioned? Some subconcious training from Genma to never speak of mothers or something? ...

Anywho, aside from those two things I really enjoyed the story, get those fingers typing! Later!