Oh, this is an interesting topic for a story. The entire Umbridge "punishments" episode was a bit underplayed in the books as to what Ron and Hermoine's response would have been. I see, and am pleased to read, that you not only agree but are working on a tiny little remedy for it.

Very good of you to slip a story into the working's of Rowling's books, and one that could theoretically fit into the time line. Your writing is quite fluid and easy to follow. I don't know as you are from the UK or not, but from an American view your Brittish terms in the writing make me feel more comfortable with the HP context. Your characters are also responding in beleivable ways for thier roles. Hermoine will always help out her friends, and yes, Ron would give anything for Harry.

If I had one criticism, it would be that I feel there should be some kind of line break between the first person views and the third person text. Maybe you had that in the origional and submission somehow removed it (I've had that happen) but I think that would help with the reading. It does read clearly as is, I am just the sort that likes a consise cut between view points with in a story.

And now, I'm going to see what Ron is getting himself into...

This is really good so far. I could totally see Ron and Hermione doing something like this to help Harry.

There were a lot of funny lines in this chapter. Same thing, still, as before (dividers, lol). Good job. I was wondering if Ron was going to comment on the fact that everyone hept bursting into the R of R, 'cuz it seemed like it was getting a bit much. But his comments were really funny.

Talk to ya later! :) (Looking forward to working with you, too!)

~Red Bess Rackham

Cool. Same thing as last time (dividers). And actually, at one point here, I noticed you switched tenses. Like you went from past to present and back again. Good ideas, though, definitely.

~Red Bess Rackham

Good job. There was one sentence there that sounded a bit awkward, but other than that, it was very good.

I'm very much looking forward to your updates!

~Red Bess Rackham

Pretty weel same "issues" as before, lol. Just a few dividers.

Another really interesting chapter. I enjoy the way you're writign the trio - especially the R/Hr-ness! - and your writing style is cool too. Good job. :)

~Red Bess Rackham

Again, very cool and interesting. It's a really neat twist on the OOTP storyline.

One thing I noticed in this chapter, was there seemed to be a little chunk missing in the middle or something. Like, you went directly from: Ron snorted. “Just have fun snogging Moaning Myrtle tonight.”

To: The memory of Hermione’s warm hug could only sustain one so far, and by the time he knocked at Umbridge’s door, he was all but shaking.

So I just think you need a bit of a transition there, and maybe a "divider" as well.

Good job, though, honestly. This is a really neat story.

~Red Bess Rackham

This was very, very interesting. Your summary snagged me as I was browsing and scrolling looking for a good read. Based on chapter one, I'd guess I've found one. :)

The one major thing I would suggest is to seperate your povs better. Like either use "XOXOXOXOXOX" like some authors do, or use the line in document manager. And in your story, I could totally point out exactly where to put them. It would just make it a bit easier for your reader to switch mind sets, per say.

But honestly, other than that, great job. :)

~Red Bess Rackham

so good! my good friend daeshie agrees. Keep writing!

~Stella