Reviews for Malakh Angel: Project Noah
Lady Rini chapter 10 . 11/30/2006
I have played xenogears and beat it. You have a long ways ro ho if your only on this part of the keep up the good work.
AnotherOdjn chapter 10 . 6/30/2006
Getting right to the point with Bart, huh? I was surprised when he blurted out his last name and heritage. If you're meaning to skip past the Bart drama, I'm all for it. Personally, I found the "Bledavik arc" of the game very boring and drawn out. Though, if you mean to just do it a different way, I encourage that too. This is just my opinion, not really a serious criticism.

Fairly even parallel to the game this time, just with a bit more dialogue from Ol' Man Bal and a connection to your new character. Overall, I'd say you're doing okay so far, though when I came to understand this is an alternate universe, it'd expected it be a bit more radical than what's gone on so far. This isn't to say the story is bad, just predictable to a degree. The differences are minor, so just as an opinion from a fellow author and fan of Xenogears, I'd suggest doing something drastic soon. You have a few things to work with that can make your story break almost entirely away from the original plot and make it truly unique.

But anyway, I noted you haven't updated in a month or so now, but know I'm looking forward to more.
AnotherOdjn chapter 9 . 6/30/2006
Wait, how did Jurgenssen know Bart was the prince? He defected rather easily, so I'd recommend some elaboration on his character at some point about that. Jurgenssen seems to have potential as a new face, but so far he just seems a little contrived...

And I'm surprised Mirri's treatment of the soldiers was condoned. Sigurd has some abbrasion with her, which could lead to some good interaction, but does she really need to threaten soldiers who are already detained? Seems odd...or sadistic.
AnotherOdjn chapter 7 . 6/30/2006
So Grahf is trying to fool others into thinking Weltall is an Omnigear? Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you just give away a plot point that could be used in your story's advantage?

Also, why did Sean order the Gear sword if two paragraphs after he doesn't want Weltall anymore? That part stumped me.

And I'd like to emphasize the section breaks again. The part between when Sean starts reading and stops would benefit from this, especially. It'd give a better sense of time passing.
AnotherOdjn chapter 5 . 6/30/2006
The four lines of the murmur's should probably be seperated like any other line of dialogue. I know, I know, but it's just a grammar thing. Also, is Citan going to be referred to as "The Doc" from now on? Usually it's okay to keep using a nickname if there's no possible way to know a character's real name, but most anyone who reads this knows it's Citan, so why not use "Citan" for the third person?

So Weltall's an Omnigear now? Note that it never actually gained an Anima Relic (Weltall 2 was developed by Melchior and Balthasar with nanotechnology). Just noting, unless this is more of the alternate universe aspect of the story. If so, good, personally, it's been far too close to the original just with Sean in place of Fei. The weird dream sequence broke up the monotony some too, though it was a little misleading. The line said "familiar faces", but only Randall/Enoch was noted. Were there really more familiar faces? Just curious.
AnotherOdjn chapter 4 . 6/30/2006
The only time I've ever seen a projectile be "the size of a car" is probably in a Super Mario Brothers game. Not sure Bullet Bills exist in Xenogears...

Not trying to give you hard time, just making a joke from the weird analogy you used there; however, should still be fixed. Also, the "Sean, but at the same time not Sean" line was a little awkward and contradictory. Any fan of the game knows what you're talking about in this particular scene, but I'd recommend something like "Sean's face gained an uncharacteristic/sadistic grin" or something. Gets the same point across, though with a more clear statement.
AnotherOdjn chapter 3 . 6/30/2006
Last time I looked in this section of the site, it was a Xenosaga flood (when, dur, there's a Xenosaga section now). Thank God there's still people who write about this awesome game (and not that Namco-mangled offspring). You already get some props for keeping this fiction alive.

I'd have to agree with another reviewer about the section breaks. It's a minor, but effective way to make the story look and read better. -'s and *'s work, but I prefer the break insertion available in the Document Manager (but, hey, that's just me). If you've already done this in later chapters, at least edit back over these earlier ones.

Oh, and I noticed you named the chapters after the song titles on the OST. Not bad, though I'm not entirely sure some of them are relevant in more than one situation. Just some forewarning, but if you can make it work, go ahead.
James Firecat chapter 9 . 5/25/2006
Yay, I'm a side character in someone elses work!
Omega Gilgamesh chapter 6 . 5/22/2006
Hey, me again. About the Omnigear thing, Grahf lying about that? I have no idea what you're talking about. If you're refering to when they were listing off the Anima Relics before using the Gatea Key, that was correct: Grahf's gear, Alpha Weltall, was an Omnigear, not normal Weltall. If you check it out, in the Eldridge when you fight Grahf his gear is called True Weltall, the name for the omnigear form. But when you fight him with Xenogears, after the Anima Relics are absorbed, it's called Alpha Weltall.

Anyways, the part where Elly says Sean is "stronger", when she said that about Fei, she meant it as he had a stronger spirit than Solarians. If this was an intentional difference, sorry for bringing it up.
RandallFanOne chapter 6 . 5/16/2006
Good little fight.

Now the story gets rolling in a town.

Lets watch!
RandallFanOne chapter 5 . 5/16/2006
A little TOO regretful, but I know that change is about _

Nice introducing Elly (Phantasy Star reference? _) And the ending scene finally provides some outlook secrets.
RandallFanOne chapter 4 . 5/16/2006
Good. Good.

Although such scenes could be considered gory in terms, the effect of it would lead to great disruption. Handled well, as channeling anger does lead to increased power.
RandallFanOne chapter 3 . 5/16/2006
Written well.

The far-off fight, eventually coming into contact with another person who has no idea what's going on.

Such a thing is classical to me.
RandallFanOne chapter 2 . 5/16/2006
I still like the scenery described. Hard to do that for me. But otherwise, good chapter _
Omega Gilgamesh chapter 5 . 5/12/2006
Just a little secret in the game, in case you didn't know, during the Bledavik Tournament when you face Dan, if you don't attack him at all, after fifteen or twenty rounds, the fight will be over, and you'll recieve a minor cutscene between those two, and Alice's Wedding dress, which could be used as armor, strangly. Just in case you might change that scene, if it ever happens.

About Weltall being an Omnigear, did you change that for the story? Because it was quite clear from Perfect Works that both Weltall and Xenogears were not Omnigears.

It would probably be a good idea to add breakers for different scenes and time skips in the future, such as a series of * or -. It helps the story to flow better.
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