|Reviews for Legacy of the Rasengan I: Naruto|
| SpiralAK chapter 37 . 11/22/2013
It's a decent story. I liked the new jutsu and the fact that Naruto was willing to create new jutsu instead of hounding Kakashi/Jiraiya for new jutsu.
My problems with the story are that Naruto feels out of character (as in, even though he grows as a ninja and is stronger and more... tactical than in canon, he falls into the same canon-based traps that he shouldn't have). Instead of focusing on Naruto's character growth (which you have, to an extent), you focus more on his jutsu development (for someone creating so many jutsu, he doesn't address his problems in a similar manner - he's far too rash and driven to anger, even more so than in canon).
Additional problems I have include: gratuitous use of Japanese (to the story's detriment - honorifics are... acceptable, but saying "Gomen" instead of Sorry or the ever-present "teme" aren't so great), Neji not having the same degree of character development that he has in canon (the only thing he gains from Naruto kicking his ass is a new rival, instead of a new outlook - Neji's incredibly talented at the Gentle Fist, so he'd probably be able to find solutions to "Kaiten" by himself, or with Hiashi's assistance (which he gains in canon)) and Sasuke's strength matching Naruto's (where it really shouldn't).
Since this story was finished in 2007 (where Naruto's lineage and clan background were revealed), I can overlook your interpretations (even the Fourth's name being Arashi and not Minato, no matter how much it irritates me).
Even with all my problems with the story, I still enjoyed it. It had decent grammar and good fight scenes, but the character development could have been developed more than is present (the only person who truly changes for the better is Sakura, most of the others just find that Naruto is a great rival).
| Haitorei chapter 11 . 11/14/2013
ah poor haku
| Haitorei chapter 9 . 11/14/2013
nice job sticking with the story! i like it so far!
| Haitorei chapter 7 . 11/13/2013
| Haitorei chapter 6 . 11/13/2013
Naruto chose to adopt the mask of the idiot, so it's odd that he'd be surprised when people like Sakura treat him badly.
| Haitorei chapter 5 . 11/13/2013
eh, what was the second tech?
| Haitorei chapter 4 . 11/13/2013
:) loved it
| Haitorei chapter 3 . 11/13/2013
I really liked this chapter. It seems slightly implausible that a 6 year old would get detention, ne?
| Matthias the Wanderer chapter 14 . 11/12/2013
You are aware that "feiku" isn't Japanese, right? It's just the word fake said with a heavy accent.
| AriceComet chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
I've been religiously reading this work of yours and I haven't been posting reviews on the previous chapters because it is just too good I cannot spare a few minutes to write a review when I could be reading the next chapter!
But this time, I think you deserve my words of praise. Not only is the storyline profound and entertaining, the grammar and construction of your story is fantastic as well as your language use. It's also amazing how you're able to capture the characters spot-on consistently!
I'm sooo happy I found this fanfic, seriously. One of the very few ones I actually enjoy and look forward to reading more of! Keep up the awesome work and I hope to get more of the NaruHina action going!
| NightWithMoon chapter 2 . 11/7/2013
This can happen sometimes when you write a bunch of details in between dialogue, but if you cut out everything else you get
"Sorry, Naruto, but no one knows anything about it. Yondaime was the only person who knew how to perform it; at least that's what I've been told."
"Then I'll make one"
- that doesn't actually make sense - Perhaps "then I'll figure it out myself" or some variation...
also on that note, I feel that you are adding too many details - trying to tell us too much - let the reader's imagination do some of the work.
And finally there is a difference between ruckus, and raucous, and you used the wrong one.
(and yes I realize that you've already written quite a bit, and are unlikely to be terribly interested in this review so long after the fact, but you asked for critiques, and that's what this is).
| Tomon chapter 37 . 11/2/2013
Rereaded after some time and it still awesome story as I remember it :)
Really enjoyable reading and definitely worth reading
| Pongu chapter 37 . 10/19/2013
This is really good!
| Tcuisine chapter 5 . 10/19/2013
| Tcuisine chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
Liking it so far