|Reviews for Broken Whispers|
| Aftonen chapter 3 . 9/6/2008
. . . Stick with the past -
| Jade Hitachiin chapter 3 . 1/16/2008
I like this story. It's odd in it's own way but good.
| Surely Blue chapter 3 . 2/5/2007
I enjoy reading stories which focus on Gaara meeting Naruto before the Chunin Selection Exam, so naturally I was intrigued by your summary. The possibility that they could become friends or at least make some sort of connection is helped by the fact that you have Gaara meet Naruto four months after he runs away from his village. Despite him having killed innocent commoners; in such a short time, following Yashamaru’s betrayal, his personality probably hasn’t been completely warped to the extent where he can show absolute contempt for everything and everyone that is around him. It seems like he has been able to retain some sort of empathy because he has yet to attack Naruto.
Below, I have a list of questions, which I hope will be answered either directly or indirectly. I understand that I will most likely have questions 2, 3, and 4 answered by future chapters, so for now I am only really interested in getting an answer to question 1.
1. Chapter 2 implied that Gaara had the ability to sleep when he was younger. For this story, is this true?
2. Why was Naruto able to lead Gaara into and through Konoha Village without being accosted by someone?
3. Why is Naruto living in a forest? Wouldn’t the Leaf Village’s residents want to exhibit some control over and supervise his behavior?
4. Why is Kyuubi able to sense Shukaku’s presence, but not vise versa. Or is Shukaku aware of Kyuubi, but doesn’t feel the need to inform Gaara of the others existence?
Anyway, in this story, I don’t believe you have misspelled any words, but you do have the tendency to overuse some words; primarily that and had. An unclear differentiation between past, present, and future tense is another problem, which disrupts the flow of the story. For example, there are some instances were the word had should be changed to has. Overall, to me, the story would become less confusing if you were to omit a few words, slightly rearrange some of your sentences, and italicize all of Gaara’s thoughts.
With that being said, if it is okay with you, I would like to proofread the first three chapters of this story. It would be my first time proofreading a story on this particular website, but if given the opportunity, I will be sure to do my best. Please feel free to send me a message if you are interested in my proposal.
| QuifrmQueenz chapter 3 . 1/27/2007
Actually your doing pretty good with your story so far. I like how you switch timelines bac an forth. keep writing its really good.
| Galance chapter 3 . 1/25/2007
This is such an interesting fic. The scenes are recognizable, yet you added this brilliant little twist that makes them to be deeper. Also, I love how you write Naruto's character! :D
| Megii of Mysteri OusStranger chapter 3 . 1/25/2007
A little confusing there, but I've already taken the bait and I want MORE! Update when you get the chance! NaruGaa is the best pairing ever!
| OrenjiNari chapter 2 . 7/28/2006
Anii and Gaara-kun are one of my most favorite brothers! of course their my only bros..-..i hope gaara-kun doesn't kill Anii..plz make them happy?..ne ne plz update soon?
| Silverlined-x-Blood chapter 2 . 5/30/2006
o one word... yay.
| blue-genjutsu chapter 2 . 5/27/2006
Great story! I love this! I love stories that have a little Gaara and little Naruto in them. :)
| Red Roses2 chapter 2 . 5/27/2006
I can't pinpoint the grammatically errors, but I know they are there.
I like it, I guess. It's a little hard to tell right now. Update soon please. Got to see what happens.
| Koharu Mitsuki chapter 2 . 5/27/2006
Nice. Still not MUCH of a yaoi fan, honey, but I'm getting there. I'm very picky in...picking yaoi pairs as of now. You really changed, huh? The grammar improved, and I felt the emotions in it. Very nice, indeed. Galeng! Ayos! Astig! Ookay! 'Kay, gotta go na!
| PandaxLove chapter 2 . 5/26/2006
its awesome!MORE ASAP!
| Mako-oneechan chapter 1 . 5/22/2006
Yay! A Gaa/Naru story! Please update soon!
| Silverlined-x-Blood chapter 1 . 5/22/2006
Even if it was short I like it. It was kind of cute in a way. Please update soon.
| WolfWarrior chapter 1 . 5/15/2006
Oh man I can't wait for your next chapters :D The beging was kinda confusing so I had to re-read it, but that's okay, some of my favorite stories I had to please update when you can!