Reviews for Visions
Besilea chapter 2 . 4/14/2011
Good story! I hope there's more!
KrazyKimmy chapter 2 . 1/4/2011
Oh, poor Minerva!

What on Earth happened, surely Dumbledore cannot still be causing these visions! Please write more!
KrazyKimmy chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
That is so sweet! A Very Well done to you!
kat chapter 2 . 12/30/2009
omg...explain explain! And update please!
VictoriaGr chapter 2 . 5/10/2009
this is so good and i'm so curious what this vision is meaning... please update soon ;-)
T chapter 2 . 10/24/2008
Update, please? What does the vistion mean?
writer with ocd chapter 1 . 7/16/2008
Oh my, that was... really sexual. O.o It was good though, please continue!
Satyah chapter 2 . 3/4/2007
Oh. It's cruel to stop there. Waiting for the next chapter.

Nice job.
landslide chapter 2 . 11/6/2006
This may be a tad late, but I so want to know what happens next! The idea is very appealing - I wonder if you will update soon, because now I desperately want to know what Minerva's new visions are! *
lynna.4 chapter 3 . 8/19/2006
I’m bothered because I’ve found some problems in this chapter. And I’m even more bothered to have to say you that. But I’ve been honest until there and planed to continue to be…So, I’m going to begin with them to get rid of this unpleasant passage and to finish on a more agreeable tonality. I’ve read this new chapter many times and read the whole story again too and I’ve found what was confusing me, I guess. There are holes.

Passages had confused me. I agree with the (cut) remark of Illiterate Ghost. The passage about seeing her daughter doesn’t really worked, too confusing and consequently the final paragraph is difficult too (which is a shamed because the idea is very interesting and the suspense could have been even more intriguing and stressing.) However, I’m still hanging on, open mouth, to this connection with her miscarriage, waiting for seeing how you will handle this difficult topic… A fact that needs to be point up : it’s brave to get onto such burning issues in a first fiction : the miscarriage, the whole suspense effect and a plot that seems to become more and more twisted. Others passages, like the first time she see Albus, are confused too, difficult to really followed.

The rupture with the previous chapter is very marked. The last line of the previous chapter was worrying but the general tune was rather joyful. There are, to my mind, many things that have changed since the second chapter without being (enough) introduced :

-Her totally unpredictable “illness”

-The fact that her visions aren’t related any more to Albus

-And somewhere, her behaviour toward him. Until now, she was rather independent, never letting go her habits and usual behaviour.

But reviewing chapter by chapter a story must be a mistake. I don’t know what you’ve planed for following chapters and this must be a part of your plan. The whole thing is well writing and stand up, your idea are very interesting and I’m still( if not even more) waiting impatiently for the following episode, but I’ve been confused by (too, to my mind) brutal changes. Which make me think that all your chapters are rather different than the others, a special tonality for each one. The first one was rather “neutral” no particular second one was very marked, the first part very intimate, even dreamlike sometime, a crossover between personal/intimate thoughts/acts and daily habits; the second part is exploding by its fastness and surprises. This third chapter is build one elusive sentences, Minerva’s doubts and confusion is shared in the narration (Illiterate Ghost had already explained that very well.) You let voluntarily blurry informations too about her daughter or her son intriguing even more (the passage about his vocation was for that matter a little strange, maybe too much informative in comparison to the tonality of this chapter). You play with lines, between chapters (the difference tune, the surprising event at each chapter) and inside these chapters or sometime parts (choosing a specific and unique way to narrate the storyline.) That’s something I truly adore; it’s personal, original and caring about your reader (you find way to always surprise, entertain…) But that’s a difficult choice to maintain, crossing this line is easy. That’s what happened with me. Your third chapter is elusive, Minerva is confused. So I’ve been. It could have been a good thing but this confusion had unfortunately pushed me out from your world and your story. The confusion of Minerva plus all the changes in the storyline plus the elusive informations about her daughter and the miscarriage are too much, to my mind.

However, I’m always very fond of your writing and your characters. The beginning is wonderful. I love that you’ve chosen to begin chapter two and three by the same scheme: after all the previous events, we’re alone with her, she’s waking up, we share her thoughts, her feelings, and the rhythm is slow. It’s a way of begin that I love very much because it immerge slowly but surly in the story. It’s like a meeting; we can have a privileged time with your main character before life and its events spring back with force. You play a lot with the rhythm : the beginning is slow and groping. It recalled to me movies scenes, when a myopic character is waking up. The image is blurry, but when he puts his glasses on his nose, the world become progressively visible. The second part is like an argument, with its burning moments (when she stand up, her voice increases..), its silent confrontation (between Albus and Pomfrey, each one attempting to impose his views without saying things aloud) and its false-cheerful sentences and behaviour, like when people, in order to stop the argument, are pretending, smiling, they agree now. The third part is strange. There are peaceful moments, gentle caresses and words. And there is this particular moment that brokes the rhythm, when she is trying to run away. I really don’t know what to think about it. I’ve been totally carried away by this passage. I must admit I always had a special spot for this kind of scene, mixing up passion, despair and violence. I’ve felt it a little out of characters ( taking into account their previous exchanges) but in the same time, it recalls some Albus’actions or sentence in the first chapter.

I guess my review is too long, but I can’t do it in other way. Thanks thanks thanks for taking time to writing and posting despite all your activities, I’m waiting impatiently for your uptdate, even if it will take a very long time…
illiterate ghost chapter 3 . 8/14/2006
Oh well, I'm signed in. I realised that ffnet ate the second part of my review, so here it is.

“If you think that I would let you down, leave you to cope with this on your own, you are truly mistaken, Minerva.” He said hoarsely and then kissed her quite ardently, but with a love and passion, she had thought, never existed. His trembling hands found the cord of her dressing gown.
Guest chapter 3 . 8/10/2006
Dear,

This was a touching chapter. Could you somehow arrange to have more freetime and hold courses about writing to fellow admm writers?

It was incredible to read sentence after sentence, it made me feel like sipping pleasantly hot tea on a wintry evening, feeling the hot liquid warm my throat and my insides. The sentences followed each other in quick succession, one perfect construction after the other despite (and here is a note to your beta) having over ten grammatical mistakes (full list of mistakes can be found in your mailbox). Your writing is too good to be spoiled by grammar mistakes, but all the same, it would have been more satisfying not to encounter mistake after mistake after mistake because it drew my attention away for a short while from things that mattered more.

The first half of the chapter is perfect. And the secret of this perfection is the rhythm. Minerva wakes and feels anxious, full of doubt. And the rhythm of your text follows her moods, it’s tentative, it’s cautious, it stops in mid-sentence only to begin again. It has short stops like the breaths Minerva takes and a quiet narration that makes the whole all the more beautiful.

Because I like this fic and you, I won’t pretend that the second half was perfect. It had plot issues, character issues, narrative issues.

Her mouth went dry as an image broke into her inner sight – she, laying between death and life, after Leticia’s birth. For long moments, while having been drifting between unconsciousness and awareness, she had felt the beautiful bliss of being wrapped in the love of her dead daughter. She saw her smiling at her, waving at her. When she had disappeared and she had gone back to sleep, but with hope to come back to life – she had even felt the emotional bond between each other. I know what you’re trying to convey here, but it comes out all wrong. The birth itself and Minerva’s feelings after it get confusing and mixed up and confuse your reader. You should try to rephrase this paragraph.

“If you think that I would let you down, leave you to cope with this on your own, you are truly mistaken, Minerva.” He said hoarsely and then kissed her quite ardently, but with a love and passion, she had thought, never existed. His trembling hands found the cord of her dressing gown.
DaftPenguinofDoom chapter 3 . 8/8/2006
Oh Dang! I love it! Oh man... I wanna find out what happens! Please please please. I tried something like this in one of my fics, with the mental connection thing, but I couldn't pull it off as well as you have. Please continue! I'm gonna go MMAD if I don't find out what happens! Must know! Must know! Please update! I know you just updated like... yesterday... but I REALLY WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS... and I'm going to freak if you leave me in such suspense! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! Your story is so beautiful. I love Albus' and Minerva's interaction. It's really sweet. Oh man, Albus as the strong powerhouse. I love it! I love it! I love it! PLEASE write the next chapter as FAST AS YOU CAN... too much suspense. Oh yeah, and the blue eyed kid... aww... I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! MOMMY, MAKE HER WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER! I like your story if you didn't know. I started reading it yesterday, and I think I've read it like... three or four times already... PLEASE UPDATE.
B. Alex Burke chapter 3 . 8/7/2006
GAH! That was GREAT! I love it! Oh my God...What is gonna happen here? *grabs popcorn* This took too long! Update sooner, pleasey. *puppy eyes*

Branda (Tabby67)
illiterate ghost chapter 2 . 6/26/2006
I’ve just finished reading this chapter. There is so much I have to say (and with me being me I will tell you all those things before I leave). Let’s start with the grammar mistakes.

She was sure she would never forget the torment she felt when she first saw her beautiful daughter, who never taken a first breath in this world. Obviously, missing “had” in the second part… “who HAD never taken a first breath”.

“Because I have been not able to envision anybody else…” Should be: “Because I have not been able to envision anybody else” or “Because I have been unable to envision anybody else”.

however she didn’t seemed surprised at all. I think you need a comma after however, and seemed should be “seem” of course.

There is another disturbing thing, not a grammar mistake, more of a plot question. At first you describe Minerva guessing where the door is in a bedroom. The readers suppose that she is in Albus’ bedroom. Then, she walks into her own sitting room. I think you should rewrite this little part: her eyes focused on the spot where she suspected the door to be“Whatever gave you the impression that I am not all right?” Very Minerva.

I love Albus’ speed and how he organised their wedding. Believable and likeable.

The backstory of Albus’ feelings I found very touching and real. Is there more to the names Leticia and Michael, or they are just names you liked?

And, of course, you have me sitting at the edge of my seat to find out more about her visions. I have my ideas but I’ll keep them to myself. I don’t want to think in the place of your other readers.

Of course, the usual reassuring lines, that I loved it and would see an update when you are ready apply too.

Oh, and I'd be grateful if you accepted anonymous reviews and I could go back to my pitiful anonymous self.
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