|Reviews for He's There|
| Josie Alyvia chapter 1 . 4/13/2014
Please publish this! It is so remarkably good! You could make a lot of money off of this, and so many people would buy it! I know I would. It's a very original idea unlike everybody else that just keeps the same story but replaces Christine's name with her own, or creates a story about Gustave and his father, you have a true story that is beautiful and enchanting and amusing and EPIC!
I would strongly consider hiring an agent and sending it to publishers. Any of the big publishers would be happy to take this.
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 3 . 3/12/2014
Hi Jenny! It's Kayla. I'm SO sorry I've taken so long to keep reviewing this, and I know you've already sporked and began the rewrite. BUT I still want to read and review even if you totally disregard everything I have to say now. ;)
I really love the whole suspense of this chapter. Haven't we all felt how Lily feels now waiting for someone to get in contact with us? It's very easy to relate to her and I like how this story has a diary feel to it.
One little random thing I noted in this chapter that maybe you've already gone over, is at the beginning when she's contemplating why Erik is getting in touch with her. When she says "A date? Or marriage?" it seems a bit... Like she's possibly getting too ahead of herself at that early point? I could definitely understand if she said "a relationship", but I find it a bit hard to believe that a high schooler would think someone who is sending her messages would necessarily want to *marry* her. It's just a very grand assumption for a teenager to make, I think, and makes her sound a little bit overly eager for this early on.
There are little grammar things also which I'm sure you've caught and edited by now, like parts where it feels like there's a few too many commas. But that's all just nit-picky and it didn't entirely disrupt the flow of the story anyway.
I loved the part inside the theater where she runs into Erik (or I assume that was him?) and sees him cutting himself. It definitely gives him a dark phantom-like feeling and gives us a little more idea about who he might be. I also loved the suspense and the creepiness of her walking through the dark theater. It worked really nicely, in my opinion. :)
I keep trying to find things to constructively criticize you on, but I honestly can't find that many things to point out! Just what I mentioned above. I'm definitely interested and this chapter makes me want to continue and see where all this goes.
Okay, I'm going to keep reading now. XD
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 2 . 9/4/2013
Guess who's back? :D I'm sorry it's taken me so long to continue my reviews, but I keep my promises however belated they may be, so here I am!
I'm really falling in love, as a first time reader, with Lily's personality. She's shy and awkward without having too much of a Mary-Sue feel because you get the sense she really doesn't think of herself as less or more than she is. She's got a really healthy level of self-reflection, if that makes any sense. I love the bit where she talks about labels and how they really do work no matter how much we - especially as teenagers - try to reject them.
The intrigue of who this mysterious note-sender is is really well done, I can't wait to keep reading and find out who it is (of course I know it's Erik, but I'm writing this as if I don't know because well... I like to discover things on my own. ;))
Eeek, I'm really not trying to give you mindless praise without anything constructive! But I really do enjoy the story. The only little things I can think of to bring up are small grammatical things like, "Mornings blowed." Which I'm sure you're already well aware of. Also, the fourth paragraph was a bit of an eye-gouge with the length. Maybe broken up? That's really it! I don't have any criticisms with the story itself yet, but I shall keep reading and send you another review soon. :)
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
Hey there, it's Kayla! XD
So I know you told me not to read these first couple of chapters, but I had to start at the beginning. Hope you won't be angry!
Honestly, I really love this beginning, and I think you're being far too hard on yourself when you say the first chapters are not the best. Of course, I know how that goes. However I really love the way you've introduced the story and these characters, explaining how Lily first became interested in the Phantom. It's a really great introduction into this world and to these characters. Really loved the part with the miniskirt, that gave me a chuckle, and the bit about how she doesn't like to be in close proximity to anyone. It adds such a great layer to her character, and I'm interested to see how it plays in later on.
Anyway, I will come back and comment again if I think of anything else, but I just had to start off saying I really loved this beginning and now I can't wait to continue on to the other chapters! :)
| Lola chapter 47 . 7/19/2013
I started reading this story yesterday and it drew me in immediately. However, for the last few chapters I had to force myself to read the story. This Erik disturbs me a lot, and Lily's thinking too. It's a good story, mind you, but I just don't feel comfortable with the last few chapters.
| inujisan chapter 47 . 7/14/2013
whoa, we have officially gotten into some serious $#!7 here.
| L'Archange chapter 47 . 7/13/2013
I never lost interest but at one point went through a personal crisis with my work life. Then new stresses started with my new job, so I really had no life. I truly wish I could finish reading this now that I've found the time again - I'm sad you're no longer posting and I'm really sorry I couldn't provide consistent feedback :(
I'm a tad disturbed by this Erik and even so, understand Lily. Also, I'm seeing a lot of parallels with the original. Specifically how Lily thinks. Often I find myself thinking, "hey, that's probably what Christine was thinking or similar to it...!"
I hope to keep in touch with you... :) (I've been having loads of issues with my ff dot net password... (I keep losing it)
Anyway, I look forward to seeing this in print one day. Please let us all know.
| Vesta Dragon chapter 47 . 7/13/2013
:'( Well this is very sad, both story wise and how the future of it for this site will go. I'm really sorry I may have been one of the people that like you put it "no one anywhere else responded to me, either". I'm really bad at keeping contact and the last couple of months have been a little hectic for me, and I'm also the kind of person to distract myself with other things and leaving others totally forgotten.
This story idea really intrigued me from the start, as I had never heard of an idea like it before, sure there are stories where the characters are in the present time, but this was a totally different, unique and fresh approach the likes I have seen only a handful of times on this site. Maybe I don't have many years on here, but I do read a lot, and this is truly a magnificent story. I wish you would have received the feedback you truly deserved this last few chapters, and that you didn't have to feel so let down by your readers, I know that having good reviews on what you write is one of the best feelings an author can get, and I can't imagine how sad to not receive anything must feel. Anyway, I won't try to defend anyone or beg you to keep on posting here (If it changes anything I'll beg, I swear). But this is in the end, your decision.
I think that publishing is a great idea, and I hope to read it in the future, if I manage to find it, living outside the States will make things harder, but I'll try. I really want to continue reading, but I'll tell you that I have no experience with LiveJournal, at all, so making an account, I'll have to think over. I'm more afraid to actually make an account and start helping and to suddenly not show up or do something stupid and leave you dissapointed again. I really wish to help in any way I could, and I'm sorry again for not giving more feedback, I really don't know how else I can be involve with this, I wish there was another way. Maybe I will create a LJ account, like I said, I'll think it through.
I leave you with these good thoughts, hoping they will help:
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress."
And one of my favorites: "I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving."
Hope they can give you hope to pursue your dreams, and to keep moving forward.
Thank you, for bringing this story to this site, I wouldn't have found it any other way. It is wonderful and I'm sure it will have success.
With the best of wishes, Vesta Dragon.
| Vesta Dragon chapter 46 . 7/13/2013
YAY! NEW CHAPTERS!
Ok, so much feels in this, Lily is finally getting the creeps and is so confused! And Erick murdered!
I think he's finally truly acting like the Phantom, Crazy and mad with love!
Ok now to the next! This was good!
| hjk chapter 45 . 5/6/2013
POST MORE! I ADORE THIS STORY.
| LittleCreepyDoll chapter 45 . 5/3/2013
Found this a few days ago, been reading all last night - I LOVE IT.
You have original idea, you can write, this is really addicting, your story.
Post next chapter soon, pretty please?
| Savor-Each-Sensation chapter 44 . 4/30/2013
"Well then don't stay long. Stay for just a short while and I'll give you a night's worth of me."
Yes Lily, suggestive indeed. :-)
I'm so very glad you're updating again! I'm sorry for not reading and reviewing until now. The notification that you updated has been sitting in my email inbox just glaring at me.
Another excellent chapter. The turmoil that Lily is in for having to choose between Erik and Mariam is conveyed so well, and so realistically. For a teenager she is very mature - it's not a teenage angst-ridden sort of turmoil. Well done.
It was very risky for her to try to see Mariam backstage at the theater of all places! I was surprised that she would agree to meet with her there, seriously. Especially after Erik's negative and completely controlling response about her having Mariam in her life again.
I am glad to see that Lily and Mariam are at least talking again. It's a start to rekindling their friendship, and frankly Lily needs friends right now. Erik can't fill every role for her, which is something he is failing to acknowledge. Or is he just roleplaying? Ah! The lines of reality and fantasy are becoming much more blurry as your story goes on.
You've done a fantastic job of showing us the dangers of roleplaying. It seems like such an innocent thing on the outside, and it is for some. But you can get really sucked into it. It can be addictive. If you are unhappy it can become an escape that you never want to return from. Lily isn't exactly unhappy, just vulnerable to the influence of Erik and his personality and what the persona he creates means to her.
Erik really does pull off being... Well, Erik, quite well. If he was a character in real life I would expect him to be quite like the Erik you've created. Very nicely done.
Bravo, bravo! I'm off to read your next chapters now.
| LunarGamer chapter 45 . 4/26/2013
I can't wait to read more! SQUEEEE! please keep up the good work! I'm excited to see what happens between these two! 3
| inujisan chapter 45 . 4/23/2013
yep, complicated complicated. But I'm really REALLY looking forward to the next updates.
| Vesta Dragon chapter 45 . 4/21/2013
Pretty emotion intense chapter! Now even Giry is doubting the Phantom and telling Lily, something tells me things will get complicated, more so then there are now, anyway!
And YAY! Jeffrey is finally introduced!