|Reviews for He's There|
| thesoulobeys chapter 49 . 10/27
Hi, Ladybow8. I was the one who posted as Guest below, which you responded to in chapter 49.
You're not wrong that some of my review was written in frustration - this story has caught my interest but it took several tries for me to read all that was posted. 28 is simply where I opted to stop and review. I have since read through to the last chapter. I do understand that this is all old stuff. I am aware that the story is being rewritten, but since you seem to be self selecting your audience for the rewrite, I can only comment on what I can access.
I have gotten invested enough in your story that I want to know more. I'm intrigued by the Erik character you have created and I want to know more about him - why he's doing this, his backstory, why being Phantom-y seems to appeal to him.
It's true that I skimmed through a lot of the chapters outside of the interactions with Erik. I don't think I really missed much. I have read the authors notes and am aware this was moved off site. I was interested enough to Google and find your LiveJournal account, where you indicate that others have expressed interest in reading the rewrite but you declined to let them. With all due respect, that seems extremely limiting to me. You have gotten people interested enough in your story and characters to seek you out and ask to see more. If you're serious about writing, that should thrill you. People want to read your work. It's your right to not allow it, but it limits you as a writer. Self selecting your critics tends to have an echo effect.
I am one of those who would like to read the rewritten story. I didn't write that review to put you on the defense, but as I said, I can only review what I can see. I like your story and would love to see the improved version. No huge deal if I can't. But you've gotten me and apparently others hooked enough to want more. That is the biggest compliment anyone could give your story right there, and you as a writer. There will always be critics. That's the nature of posting your work for all to see. It's scary but also can be very rewarding.
Anyways, just my thoughts. Nothing is intended to be an attack on you or your work, so please take it in the spirit that was intended.
| Guest chapter 28 . 10/16
I have tried so many times to read this fanfic only to give up because of the writing style. I persisted because the premise is very interesting, unique even. I know the earlier chapters were written over a decade ago but the more recent ones share many of the same issues. The journal format can work, but you really really really need to cut out most of the bits with the main character just hanging with her friends and how school was today and the instant message transcripts and when I say most of it I mean like 95% of it. Those parts are a trial to slog through. When those bits are included, they should be for the purpose of moving the plot. Perfect example is when she gets drunk - that scene could have served a purpose, like maybe she drunk dials Erik, maybe he escorts her home because of her inebriated state, it could go a few ways. But no. Nothing happens. Andddd with that said, you really need to move your plot. Taking the romance slow is fine. But your plot doesn't really grow legs until around chapter 16 and even then it's moving at a snails pace. The interactions with Erik is why most of us are here, so focus on that. Honestly I really wish this story could be completely rewritten with the above in mind. It has the potential to be really good.
| stardad chapter 47 . 3/6
I just found this story, and I read it to maybe 5 am, it's so good it had me hanging on edge and my eyes were begging for more.
| Guest chapter 46 . 12/13/2015
This is fantastic
| Guest chapter 39 . 12/13/2015
This is an old story, and I know it's completed, and I know you won't know who I am but that doesn't matter. You are an amazing writer. This story ensnares the soul, and I can't look away.
| Josie Alyvia chapter 1 . 4/13/2014
Please publish this! It is so remarkably good! You could make a lot of money off of this, and so many people would buy it! I know I would. It's a very original idea unlike everybody else that just keeps the same story but replaces Christine's name with her own, or creates a story about Gustave and his father, you have a true story that is beautiful and enchanting and amusing and EPIC!
I would strongly consider hiring an agent and sending it to publishers. Any of the big publishers would be happy to take this.
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 3 . 3/12/2014
Hi Jenny! It's Kayla. I'm SO sorry I've taken so long to keep reviewing this, and I know you've already sporked and began the rewrite. BUT I still want to read and review even if you totally disregard everything I have to say now. ;)
I really love the whole suspense of this chapter. Haven't we all felt how Lily feels now waiting for someone to get in contact with us? It's very easy to relate to her and I like how this story has a diary feel to it.
One little random thing I noted in this chapter that maybe you've already gone over, is at the beginning when she's contemplating why Erik is getting in touch with her. When she says "A date? Or marriage?" it seems a bit... Like she's possibly getting too ahead of herself at that early point? I could definitely understand if she said "a relationship", but I find it a bit hard to believe that a high schooler would think someone who is sending her messages would necessarily want to *marry* her. It's just a very grand assumption for a teenager to make, I think, and makes her sound a little bit overly eager for this early on.
There are little grammar things also which I'm sure you've caught and edited by now, like parts where it feels like there's a few too many commas. But that's all just nit-picky and it didn't entirely disrupt the flow of the story anyway.
I loved the part inside the theater where she runs into Erik (or I assume that was him?) and sees him cutting himself. It definitely gives him a dark phantom-like feeling and gives us a little more idea about who he might be. I also loved the suspense and the creepiness of her walking through the dark theater. It worked really nicely, in my opinion. :)
I keep trying to find things to constructively criticize you on, but I honestly can't find that many things to point out! Just what I mentioned above. I'm definitely interested and this chapter makes me want to continue and see where all this goes.
Okay, I'm going to keep reading now. XD
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 2 . 9/4/2013
Guess who's back? :D I'm sorry it's taken me so long to continue my reviews, but I keep my promises however belated they may be, so here I am!
I'm really falling in love, as a first time reader, with Lily's personality. She's shy and awkward without having too much of a Mary-Sue feel because you get the sense she really doesn't think of herself as less or more than she is. She's got a really healthy level of self-reflection, if that makes any sense. I love the bit where she talks about labels and how they really do work no matter how much we - especially as teenagers - try to reject them.
The intrigue of who this mysterious note-sender is is really well done, I can't wait to keep reading and find out who it is (of course I know it's Erik, but I'm writing this as if I don't know because well... I like to discover things on my own. ;))
Eeek, I'm really not trying to give you mindless praise without anything constructive! But I really do enjoy the story. The only little things I can think of to bring up are small grammatical things like, "Mornings blowed." Which I'm sure you're already well aware of. Also, the fourth paragraph was a bit of an eye-gouge with the length. Maybe broken up? That's really it! I don't have any criticisms with the story itself yet, but I shall keep reading and send you another review soon. :)
| Hotaru Nakama chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
Hey there, it's Kayla! XD
So I know you told me not to read these first couple of chapters, but I had to start at the beginning. Hope you won't be angry!
Honestly, I really love this beginning, and I think you're being far too hard on yourself when you say the first chapters are not the best. Of course, I know how that goes. However I really love the way you've introduced the story and these characters, explaining how Lily first became interested in the Phantom. It's a really great introduction into this world and to these characters. Really loved the part with the miniskirt, that gave me a chuckle, and the bit about how she doesn't like to be in close proximity to anyone. It adds such a great layer to her character, and I'm interested to see how it plays in later on.
Anyway, I will come back and comment again if I think of anything else, but I just had to start off saying I really loved this beginning and now I can't wait to continue on to the other chapters! :)
| Lola chapter 47 . 7/19/2013
I started reading this story yesterday and it drew me in immediately. However, for the last few chapters I had to force myself to read the story. This Erik disturbs me a lot, and Lily's thinking too. It's a good story, mind you, but I just don't feel comfortable with the last few chapters.
| inujisan chapter 47 . 7/14/2013
whoa, we have officially gotten into some serious $#!7 here.
| L'Archange chapter 47 . 7/13/2013
I never lost interest but at one point went through a personal crisis with my work life. Then new stresses started with my new job, so I really had no life. I truly wish I could finish reading this now that I've found the time again - I'm sad you're no longer posting and I'm really sorry I couldn't provide consistent feedback :(
I'm a tad disturbed by this Erik and even so, understand Lily. Also, I'm seeing a lot of parallels with the original. Specifically how Lily thinks. Often I find myself thinking, "hey, that's probably what Christine was thinking or similar to it...!"
I hope to keep in touch with you... :) (I've been having loads of issues with my ff dot net password... (I keep losing it)
Anyway, I look forward to seeing this in print one day. Please let us all know.
| Vesta Dragon chapter 47 . 7/13/2013
:'( Well this is very sad, both story wise and how the future of it for this site will go. I'm really sorry I may have been one of the people that like you put it "no one anywhere else responded to me, either". I'm really bad at keeping contact and the last couple of months have been a little hectic for me, and I'm also the kind of person to distract myself with other things and leaving others totally forgotten.
This story idea really intrigued me from the start, as I had never heard of an idea like it before, sure there are stories where the characters are in the present time, but this was a totally different, unique and fresh approach the likes I have seen only a handful of times on this site. Maybe I don't have many years on here, but I do read a lot, and this is truly a magnificent story. I wish you would have received the feedback you truly deserved this last few chapters, and that you didn't have to feel so let down by your readers, I know that having good reviews on what you write is one of the best feelings an author can get, and I can't imagine how sad to not receive anything must feel. Anyway, I won't try to defend anyone or beg you to keep on posting here (If it changes anything I'll beg, I swear). But this is in the end, your decision.
I think that publishing is a great idea, and I hope to read it in the future, if I manage to find it, living outside the States will make things harder, but I'll try. I really want to continue reading, but I'll tell you that I have no experience with LiveJournal, at all, so making an account, I'll have to think over. I'm more afraid to actually make an account and start helping and to suddenly not show up or do something stupid and leave you dissapointed again. I really wish to help in any way I could, and I'm sorry again for not giving more feedback, I really don't know how else I can be involve with this, I wish there was another way. Maybe I will create a LJ account, like I said, I'll think it through.
I leave you with these good thoughts, hoping they will help:
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress."
And one of my favorites: "I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving."
Hope they can give you hope to pursue your dreams, and to keep moving forward.
Thank you, for bringing this story to this site, I wouldn't have found it any other way. It is wonderful and I'm sure it will have success.
With the best of wishes, Vesta Dragon.
| Vesta Dragon chapter 46 . 7/13/2013
YAY! NEW CHAPTERS!
Ok, so much feels in this, Lily is finally getting the creeps and is so confused! And Erick murdered!
I think he's finally truly acting like the Phantom, Crazy and mad with love!
Ok now to the next! This was good!
| hjk chapter 45 . 5/6/2013
POST MORE! I ADORE THIS STORY.