Bloody hell. I have never hated that person before but after reading this, I do. Great job MrDrP, very well done.

Type your review here...

Well, I'm glad that someone remembered that Ninja's are assassins, Good story.

Follow up please.

Great.

I was shocked by the ending, very well written, good job!

I know its wrong, but when I started the story my eye happen to catch the words 'she was dead before she hit the ground.' and found it rather funny. Its the first time I have ever seen the main character die in five paragraphs or less.

anyway, I kind of guessed who the killer was almost as it happened. mainly because your other short stories always had some kind of twist involved with them and this one looked far too straight forward.

Thank you for taking the time to share it with us,

brindani

That knocked me on my tush!

Fucking ey, this was deep and disturbing shit lol

soooo is there a sequel? if der is then TELL ME I GOTTA READ IT

Hey MrDrP -

I actually read this a while ago, before I had created an account, but I just read it again since you have a sequel posted.

I think it's definitely one of the darker stories of yours that I've read, and I enjoyed it. The contrast at the beginning in terms of Kim's sunny disposition and public service, followed by - well, you know - was effective, and I liked the misdirection going on until the ending. Monkey Fist's thought at the end of the paragraph was a good way to give the jarring twist, hehe.

And I also liked the alternative take on Yamanouchi and its purpose in general.

Thanks for the story! :)

Interesting story, and very glad its an AU fic. You have a gift for not revealing until the end what is truly going on, and this is something not many people have. I myself constantly struggle with it, so I admire you as a writer for that ability.

That said, I dislike the ending, yet respect you for coming up with it.

The ending was quite a punch. Right out of left field. Excellent plotting and writing, a good handling of emotions. I'm not totally convinced that the motive was in character for the killer, but I can see how it could be, if that makes any sense.

Excellent work.

Beautifully done. Everyone was so in character and the ending went completely beyond my expectations.

This is definitely the darkest and most sinister KP story I have ever read.

It reads like an episode from the (in my opinion) underrated UPN "Twilight Zone" revival TV series of 2002-03 . . . an episode that gets us to care about the central characters, and then traps them in a dark ending that is rarely experienced in good drama nowadays. I could just hear the clock-work, menacing violins at the end. Very chilling!

While I would normally be one to desire a happy redemptive sequel . . . as you have already done that elsewhere in another story; perhaps this is one case where an alternative, dark "universe" could be left unresolved. That gnawing sense of unresolved tragedy and dark fate is satisfying in itself once in a while — if nothing more than for its rarity, as was used to very good effect in some of the aforementioned UPN "Twilight Zone" episodes. Readers who so desire can "switch" channels or realities to another story where things end more happily.

About the only improvement I can think of would be to portray an open casket funeral for Kim instead, and describe Ron's thoughts and experiences as he pauses and gazes, for the last time, at Kim's angelic but lifeless form, leaving a token of his love behind in her hands to be buried with her. A few paragraphs on that alone would have had me tearing up for a good long time!

Continue with your explorations of Light, Love, Adventure, Humor, and Darkness within the KP universes . . . please and thank you!

Dear DrMrP

I didn’t like this fanfic.

Since you don’t want me to spoil it, I’ll try to explain what I liked and disliked about it, without giving it away.

The quality is good; suspense, drama, emotion, realism, dialog, reactions and interactions!

Ron and some of the other characters are portrayed very well.

The basic plot is complex, clever; but I didn’t like that Kim was killed by…I won’t say who, to respect your wish.

The wholesome standards are high.

The language is clean; and that one swear word was not used in a vulgar fashion; thank you.

Nothing is suggestively offensive.

No extreme violence or any other vile content. And you wove some unique morals in it.

I have a request for you to do something that will somewhat make up for this bad plot.

You should make another chapter or two, or a sequel, (it doesn’t matter which) and continue on what happened. As for what happens, I have two ideas that I wish to discuss with you in a private message after I hear from you.

Will you please do this? I hope to hear from you. God bless.

Data Seeker