Reviews for Pain of the Innocent
FPStothemaximum chapter 13 . 9/11
TL;DR: It's poorly written with one dimensional characters who are out of character themselves. The pacing is completely awful and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone other than the people who have finished virtually every WBWL fan fiction out there. The final verdict is a 2/10.

*Spoilers ahead*

Well, this story was quite bad. I don't mean that as an insult to the author (well, every story, good or bad, has been written by an author, so I probably am insulting DaggersBloodPain). I might as well explain myself, then.

It's not like I don't enjoy the Wrong Boy Who Lived trope in Harry Potter fan fiction, actually, it's my favourite trope. This story just wasn't executed all that well. I feel as though the author could've done some sort of grammar and/or spell checking, as this story is riddled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. It just cheapens the effect of the story for me.

But issues with spelling and grammar are issues I can get over. However, poor storytelling and plot are not. Harry (or Aidan, I guess) is a bit of a Gary Stu, with Snape just casually telling him he's at mastery level in Potions and DADA before he even goes to Hogwarts, but he wouldn't be a Gary Stu if DaggersBloodPain bothered to go over Harry's backstory in more detail, as I don't think a few paragraphs summing up his entire early childhood really explains anything well at all. For example, Harry and Dudley are supposed to be "good friends" and at one point even as close as brothers, but judging from the story itself, you wouldn't be able to tell at all. The author just says in one sentence that they "slowly drifted apart". Not from where I'm standing, buddy.

I also actively detest the way some characters, namely Dumbledore, act throughout this story, as it seems completely out of character for him to just tell Petunia to neglect Harry for the "greater good" or whatever you Dumbledore bashers like to call it. I also think it is 100% out of character for James and Lily to completely abandon their son within a few hours of their children defeating Voldemort. I'd believe it if they gradually forgot about Harry over the years, but they just suddenly drop him off at the Dursleys'. It also seems that apart from Harry and maybe Draco, everyone in the story is about as one dimensional as a piece of cardboard. Most of the characters there are just there to make fun of Harry or agree with him. That makes for compelling characters.

There's also a few cringe-inducing aspects of this story, namely Harry having a snake and another pet that I genuinely could not care less about. Thankfully they're never mentioned again after about halfway through. Unfortunately that wasn't the only cringe-filled part of this fan fiction. This occurs in the penultimate chapter, which is also the worst. In this chapter, Harry becomes adopted by the Malfoys and becomes "Aidan Liam Malfoy". That alone just sent cringe waves down my spine, however, it also didn't help that the chapter was a rushed mess, much like the entire story.

But, do not fear, DaggersBloodPain, I do actually like a few things in this story, but they're few and far between. One of these is Snape and Harry's relationship, which seems somewhat believable, I suppose. The characters who actually matter (Harry, Draco and Snape) have consistent traits and personalities, at least. Harry's plan to get Rose and the horribly named Diarmid (seriously?) seems to make some amount of sense, even if in the end it lead to basically nowhere. The Potters' realisation of their mistakes was funny to read, even if it was for a few paragraphs.

Even though it has a few minor positives going for it, Pain of the Innocent is still a chore to read and I vehemently dislike it. It gets a magnificent 2/10 and I won't recommend it to anyone other than the people who have finished virtually every WBWL fan fiction out there. I hope the sequel is better, but judging by the word 'Slash', it won't be.
Mangaqueen1158 chapter 14 . 7/3/2015
This was such an amazing story. It's one of the best that I have read.
PawPower999 chapter 13 . 4/2/2015
Dumbledore along with all of the elder Potters and there two children, don't seem to even realise that there treatment of not only Slytherin students but also Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw - in that to them only Gryffindor's are deemed worthy of saving, and thus a pure, light. That they are if not condemning a generation of children to be pushed into the dark or gray - simply because they were never given a chance. Also James and Lily Potter are making a mockery out of the points system at the school thus making the whole system worthless! Yet none of the other Hogwarts Professors are doing anything about the unfairness of the points docking, or that some adults behaviours are allowing the so-called house rivarlies to get totally out of control.
PawPower999 chapter 4 . 4/2/2015
Surprised that neither James or Lily Potter actually stopped young Harry using the surname "Potter" especially in light of how they seemed to regard the child - especially with the adults allowing themselves to influence Rose and Diamind beliefs?
Sanclaire chapter 8 . 10/3/2014
I figured right here and there that voldemort is the other person in the proffecy and is Harry's bonded hope I'm right
Guest chapter 8 . 7/21/2014
I like your story and am going to keep reading it, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to go back and edit a little? Just punctuation and grammar things. Adding commas and the like. It's not difficult to read, but in some cases I would help with helping people get into the book. Adding dramatic effects and such, making it easier to read in depth rather then skim it.
daithi4377 chapter 13 . 3/12/2014
Dumbledick finally went over the line since only Sev and Dumbledick were the only ones to see who killed Quirrell we all know who started the rumour. It will be interesting to see what happens with all this building up about how great and powerful the two potter siblings are how when the final test good against evil comes...who will win.
daithi4377 chapter 12 . 3/12/2014
Love the name fits his elven looks.
daithi4377 chapter 11 . 3/12/2014
I like harrys plan it in effects let's the truth win his side. Harry isn't evil he might have the mark but the reasoning for it on harry was evil but Harry himself isn't evil, also harry isn't manipulative by being totally honest he's letting people make their own minds up. After all in potion ingredients those potions given willingly are always stronger than those taken by force or trickery.
daithi4377 chapter 10 . 3/12/2014
LOL If they only knew that there public slurs and constant boasting was doing more damage to their reputation than what they figure Harry might do.. I can't wait till they realize especially dumbledick just how wrong they were when they picked out the children. Payback is a bitch lol
daithi4377 chapter 8 . 3/12/2014
Well we know his soul mate is in slytherin because the hat to,do him. I've always been partial to Sev or even Lucius but odds are it think Draco. But with the adoption that may screw things up a bit.
daithi4377 chapter 7 . 3/12/2014
I guess it would be to much to hope that he wouldn't have scares. But with the backing of the family I seriously doubt that anything will happen to Rose.
daithi4377 chapter 4 . 3/12/2014
LOL the train meeting was interesting wonder what's going to happen when he meets his parents...let me guess instead of the usual snape giving harry grief its going to be James lol.
daithi4377 chapter 3 . 3/12/2014
This story is brilliant. Zafirah seems interesting hopefully we get to see more of her/him. So Draco and Lucius have no problems with Draco staying with muggle, that's a bit of a shock lol
daithi4377 chapter 2 . 3/12/2014
This is a very different story. The fact that the Dursleys are the good guys is very unique. I like these differences, am looking forward to seeing how Harry reacts to his siblings and Hogwarts herself. Am wondering how they made aged to hide harrys power and the fact that he is learning magic, also his intelligence. Harry is nothing like Dumbledick expects and I fear his reaction to it.
294 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »