Reviews for His Dark Materials and Magic
Whiteline chapter 1 . 6/15/2010
Your summary was right; the first chapter hurt me.

However...

There is no tempting you to write a decent HDM/HP crossover is there? There is a serious lack of them/ aka I haven't read one yet.

xx
Dead Paw chapter 4 . 11/4/2007
Oh, God, I'm reading my own story and finding it CRAP! Lol, this is my shittest story!
Pied Flycatcher chapter 1 . 9/22/2006
A good idea, but you need to work on the mechanics of your writing. Typos, incorrect grammar, run-on sentences... you name it, it's there. You consistently misspell Filch as 'Filtch' for example.

"“What are you doing Will?” Whispered Lyra in a quite shout." Here I think you mean 'quiet', but the whole sentence is contradictory. How can you whisper and shout at the same time? Lots of errors like these really take away from a story. Proofreading would help.

You might want to think of a more realistic way for the characters to attend the school. I can't tell at what point in HDM this is supposed to be, but at all times Will and Lyra had more important things to do. They wouldn't just drop all that to learn magic. If Will somehow lost the knife, however, they would be stuck there. That would be much more believable.

Like I said, the idea has potential. It's interesting that Fawkes is Dumbledore's daemon for instance. But the execution could do with some improvement. Good luck.
lola chapter 1 . 8/30/2006
wow you definately can get your words out
ZionMunkee chapter 7 . 7/26/2006
Quoting my cousin: THIS IS VERY ILLEGAL!

-J.
ZionMunkee chapter 5 . 7/26/2006
Loki is the norwwegian god of mischief.

-J.
ZionMunkee chapter 4 . 7/26/2006
either you wrote this before His Dark Materials was finished or you just like butchering stuff

-J.
ZionMunkee chapter 3 . 7/25/2006
holy fish nipples?
ZionMunkee chapter 2 . 7/25/2006
no offense buty i think the first chapter was better than this one.

-J.
ZionMunkee chapter 1 . 7/25/2006
Wow! This sounds like it's going to be really good! Check out my story "Revenge of the Chosen"

kudos!

-J.
Kurinoone chapter 10 . 7/21/2006
WOW! talk about a cliffie! That was awesome. I can't wait for the next instalment. You're doing a fab job with this story. Keep it up!

Kurinoone
tad chapter 1 . 7/20/2006
dang boy. u gt some skills man. my bro ent exactly a reader bt coz of yaaw wicked shit he cant wait till da next chapter comes out. u doin it big it lyk dat. u ent sum fake ass wannabe man u is dunkin it big tym
Jas chapter 10 . 7/18/2006
wow! tlk about cliffhangers! i love this chapter
tad chapter 6 . 6/23/2006
yea lui dats wat i b tokin about. u b keepin it reel 4 shizzle
Johnny chapter 6 . 6/19/2006
Purdy cool, lots put IN and not put OUT, but thats what happens when you rape, murder and sell rock...
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