Should I take it that you will not be writing anymore? If that is so then I am sorry because this is amazingly good for a first story.

I really really really like this so far! Also is this going to be a RA story because i mostly read those...well anyway PLZ UPDATE SOON! Also if your not planning on updating soon can you tell me...thx...

Not a bad start. Update soon.

Not too bad. Few little errors and I'm assuming since you've never posted before that you ddin't know seems to be gay and strip off most linebreaks and other such things.

Good job for a first fic. I'm impressed.

Good start.

Good start! Keep up the good work! Please update soon!

Sincerely,

AshK

good story so far.. keep it up.. and yes i do know what manga she was trying to read it was Magic Knight Rayearth, cause i've got the game and the hole manga and the anime.. its a good one too. LOL.

Ryu_Vision

It's looking intresting. I can't help wondering why Shampoo and Ukyo are after Ranma, but i guess i'll have to wait till chapter 2 to find out.

The lack of scene breaks is iritating. Remember- this site tends to strip things like that when you upload a story. My way around this was, after i upload the document but before i put it as a story (you know what i mean), edit it and put in line breaks. You should give that a try for chapter 2.

Another way i have seen done is to put a line of numbers as a break.

12345678987654321

hmm... the only advice I could give at the moment is to legthen your chapter's, it is very anoying when people release chapters of less than 20 words. Otherwise I'm looking forward to another chapter.

Two complaints, One: You need scene breaks to justify when the place is changing, I use 0 and then start another part it makes it easier to see what's going on. Two: Akane and Ranma are not that friendly at the end of the series, at least to my knowledge. The rest is good and seems to hold promise, one question though, if Ranma's service to the moon kingdom is over and he/she is free how will they get him/her to fight as a SS? He could do just as well without the magical boost, so any plans would be helpful for that. Until next time keep up the good work.

Hm

good but how exactly are you planing to ease ranma in to the uniform?

also it could be a tad better if you would add a break line to it.

:-)

_-

Cool story, I love Sailor Moon and Ranma crossovers. It sounded like Usagi was reading another of my fave manga, Magic Knight Rayearth.

Until Next Time,

Ja Ne

Good start. Your writing is pretty decent, but you should definitely put something in to indicate changes of scene. My only other little quibble was with the fight scene.

'It was all Ranma could do as he avoided their furious attacks. He was constantly ducking under Ryoga’s punches, side stepping Shampoo’s bonbori, back flipping away from Ukyo’s big ass spatula, redirecting Mousse’s blades. Eventually, Mousse was able to catch the pigtailed fighter with one of his chains, which slowed him down enough for Ryoga to get a solid hit in...'

It's just one big lump. You should break it up a little. Short choppy sentences are usually better for fight scenes as they add to the sense of immediacy and action.

'It was all Ranma could do to dodge furiously as they came at him together.

He ducked under Ryoga’s punch, only to have Shampoo’s bonbori come tearing towards his face.

He sidestepped, straight into the path of Ukyo’s battle spatula.

With no room to evade, he was forced to back flip away.

All the while Mousse continued to hurl his chains at him and Ranma was hard pressed to avoid them all. Eventually, one of the chains caught him, slowing him down.

It was all Ryoga needed to land a solid hit on Ranma’s skull.’ etc

Anyway, sorry for being so finicky. I hope you continue _

number 3 indeed refers to Magic Knights Rayearth.

As far as the fic goes. Good start, but I suggest adding something to denote the scene changes. Rather disorienting without them. Lastly, please make the chapters longer. Short chapters that only seem long due to double-spacing between the lines is a pet peeve of mine.