|Reviews for Angels of Vegas|
| Shay58 chapter 1 . 5/6/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| sbz chapter 3 . 7/28/2012
I was getting all ready to read this, wondering why I hadn't before, and then realized why.
I debated whether or not to bother reviewing since this story is so old, but I saw more recent fics in your profile and decided to say something.
The dialogue is formatted incorectly, making the story impossible to read. Every time a different character speaks, the dialogue must go on a new line.
Also, your paragraphs tend to be way too long. A convention of web writing is short paragraphs. Massive walls of text are difficult to read on a computer screen.
I skimmed some more recent stories, and it seems you've worked out the dialogue issue (or maybe it's a formatting problem with this story). However, your tendency toward massive paragrphs seems to persist. I would also recommend a beta reader, because I saw quite a few other issues (typos, incorrect word usage, etc).
You seem to have good ideas; a few fics of yours intrigue me. However, major writing problems like those outlined above are a serious impediment to comprehension and enjoyment, and solving them would greatly improve your work.
| Electrafixion66 chapter 24 . 1/24/2010
Great story. Again. And of course I'm readin' the next two. Sara is so awesome. And Catherine. And Sopia and Warrick too. :)
| Electrafixion66 chapter 21 . 1/24/2010
Go get 'em ladies! Get him!
| Electrafixion66 chapter 18 . 1/24/2010
It's like the first time you see Times Square, it is unbelievable :-D
| Electrafixion66 chapter 16 . 1/24/2010
Heh, going 100 plus is awesome ;)
| Electrafixion66 chapter 12 . 1/24/2010
That little Sara n Sophia scene was hot. I wish I could express exactly why, it's like the rest of your writing though, it just flows naturally. Some people try too hard, include too much boring detail, or not enough. Or they don't mak you care about the characters, that's the real magic of your writing I think.
| Electrafixion66 chapter 8 . 1/24/2010
" abysmal spelling and general slaughtering of the English language, my dialogue flow is hard to understand." I find that hard to believe. ;)
| El Gringo Loco chapter 26 . 7/16/2006
Another excellent story from this accomplished writer. Filled with twists, turns and transitions it grips the attention (I read it one sitting) like the good novel you really hate to put down. And as usual the suspense filled ending is really worth the ride.
| Halfpipechick247 chapter 26 . 6/20/2006
Another one of your amazing stories is complete and i shall now look forward to your next one! _ Good job I loved it!
| HoneyLynx chapter 26 . 6/15/2006
Holy *beep*ing *beep*! Can I say HOW MUCH I loved the epilogue? And now I can't, let me emphasize, **CAN'T** wait for Monsters of Vegas. That's a sequel to this one, right?
I felt bad for Tina though. I've always hated how patchy the writers in CSI make her character. But, anyways, no marriage is better than a bad marriage.
The chaste kiss between Sofia and Sara was sizzling! I could totally imagine Sara being all uncertain, shy, wanting-but-not-knowing and Sofia having that smug look on her face... sweet!
Catherine... well, can't help saying that she deserves all this for being such a bitch in Seas 5. But poor woman sure has bad luck when it comes to men. Which is why, she should end up with women... *hints* Wendy the lab tech *whistles*
Grissom, was well, Grissom. You could draw him a heart and he'll complain about its anatomy. Brass made it... yay!
| icklebitodd chapter 26 . 6/15/2006
Warrick’s dreaming of “a certain blue eyed blonde CSI” hmm well he is blatantly upset about his marriage being over isn’t he? Nice a slow like?
So you are continuing to bait us with Sara’s demons and have given the role of vampire to her dreams hmm how every odd - will she be visiting Brass?
Loved your description of Catherine, brilliant.
And then there is Sofia, ever the practical one who has drugged herself to sleep and dreaming of a certain brown eyed brunette CSI.
Loved your concluding paragraph, filled with hidden meaning and a very clever attack on the City of Vegas.
Looking forward to your next story as you well know. The shift of power has gone back to you as I find myself like Oliver Twist asking "Please, sir, I want some more."
| icklebitodd chapter 25 . 6/15/2006
THIRD DATE! FIRST KISS!
You know what that bit about the date only cemented my belief - you have given Sofia the Lady Heather touch.
Interesting turn making it Catherine who is turning to alcohol for reassurance and comfort of the back of the Sara DUI storyline, like the idea as well . As my old ICT teacher used to say ‘No man is an island, but a Woman is normally filled with heartbroken soul’ one of them lines you remember but not the context it was said in hm
So poor Grissom I mean getting told he was to control all three ladies, he only just manages with two how was he suppose to cope with ‘superwoman’ in disguise Sofia as well?
Like the thing about the bugs - nice simple effective touch.
This is a rather short review isn’t it.. Probably because I ranted myself out in the previous and this one was compact hmm shall try harder in the next.
| icklebitodd chapter 24 . 6/15/2006
JIM! JIM IS BACK! I'd been wondering where he had gotten to in this story of yours. A very Jim Jim he was to "I'll be leaving then, don't want to miss dinner, they serve a mean jello here." had me giggling.
It's a case of 'you don't know what you've got till its gone' or nearly gone I suppose would be more accurate but hey you get the idea. It's always bugged me that people never make Tina know any of the others - you know? Like there is a chance one of them knew her before all this especially if she works at the hospital - I will quit my rant.
I agree with this whole 'why did she quit med school' thing because it seems to be within her nature to go to extraordinary lengths to help another. Plus I don't buy the seminar thing namely because - hello it's bugs - and two I cannot see what could possibly attract you to Gil up unto the point you decide to scrap you career (and in 'Monsters' are you going to show why she moved Vegas - something else I'm unhappy with) Anyway shouldn't they all know CPR as part of their training?
Warrick and Catherine angst woo I’m slowly beginning to turn on that one, wonder if he'll tell her? hm? well i know you know if he does which he probably does but at this point I don’t know. - what a circle.
(I’ve actually read the whole story but figured to fit in to a single review would make it incredibly long so came back)
As for the friend that used to be your best friend, yea been there last weekend I meet up with a group of friends most who I haven’t seen in about a year and I spent nearly the whole time either talking to my friends I see all the time and trying not to kill the others. Seriously they were so annoying I don’t know how I never noticed - suppose it goes down to that insight thing I wrote yesterday. Oh Well.
| bene chapter 26 . 6/14/2006
Thanks for this one.
I'm looking forward to "Monsters of vegas".