|Reviews for Silent Hill: The Manipulated Dead|
| Six-string Samurai chapter 1 . 6/16/2013
I was excited for this the moment I read the title and hoped for reference to Donnie Darko. Very neatly done thus far.
| random person chapter 4 . 6/7/2009
If Heather ever makes another appearence in a Silent Hill game, they so should use that bus scene.
| Heather Mason chapter 21 . 3/14/2007
hey. this was the best fanfiction i've ever read! (and i read a lot) it was so exciting and interesting, i just couldn't stop to read.
but there is one little thing i didn't like and that was this strange bunny frank. it does remember me on the movie "donnie darko".(i hate it)
i also didn't understand the ending... maybe my english isn't good enough - i don't know.
anyway, I hope that a lot more people will read your awesome story. )
| darkpadawan11 chapter 20 . 12/7/2006
Ok, I read this the other day and thought I'd check a few things before I reviewed. My apologies if this isn't the best of reviews, but I always feel so pretentious so bear with me.
First thing I noticed was the very Dark Tower feel to your story. I honestly don't know how to explain it, but if you've read the books, you'll know. Even better, you've projected that feel into a place that's inhabited-well done. Not everyone could get that same solitary feel that games all had when other charcters are cluttering up the place. Even Heather/Cheryl were still alone, despite the fact they had each other. It's all in your detail; suitably off-putting being Silent Hill, decay and the neccessary gross bits, yet shares that apocalyptic everyone's-gone-nuts-why-haven't-I? sense without going over the top. The reader can't help but empathsise with Heather/Cheryl because we're in the same boat, all learning what's the #%* is going on.
BTW, for the characterisation of the girls alone you need an applause, let alone the delightfully wicked Alessa. Loved Heather's "Mother-figure" comments and the girls' reaction to being drugged and sent to the shrink, after SH3 and losing a real father, I don't blame them for wanting to snuff the "parental figures". Also loved Alessa's rationalisation for providing "neccessary obstacles"! How could she do that to her 'daughters'? Guess she didn't have a great example for raising children, what with a mother like Dahlia.
Although have to admit the HeatherxCheryl thing threw me a bit too. It reminded me of a Brit movie I saw ages ago, where a girl creates an VR version of herself as her ideal guy, ends up having the hots for 'him', unaware the guy has her mindset, memories and is repulsed by the very thought of hooking up with her. Poor bugger even compares it to masturbating. I know it's not what you intended, but that's what I kept thinking as I kinda skipped past that part.
Frank I have to admit I had no clue about, but the description sounded familiar. And when I was telling my mate about this fic yesterday, she rolled her eyes and knew immediately where Frank was from. Donnie Darko's her fave movie. Unfortunately I haven't seen it, but I checked up on it's plot today. After reading about it, this story makes a lot more sense. So does the title and the ending, if I understand it correctly.
Loved the janitors. And their guns! Oh, and the truck...made me think GTA, SH-style! Nothing better than practical blokes doing a job right.
Your real strength is in your narrative, how conversationally you write. The length was great too. Longer stories are better to get lost in, more immersive. As you'd probably guess, I read a lot of Stephen King and your writing style is incredibly like his. Easy to read, even if it gets a bit confusing. But I liked it. No unnecessary angst (hooray!) which seems to be the trend for SH, and the whole new take on Alessa's Paradise and the mechanics behind it is different from the usual interpretation.
All in all, two thumbs up! If there's a sequel, let me know!
PS. I understand what you mean about short stories, but I'll read them if it's an anthology or something. 'Specially Sai King's short stories (think 'The Mist', 'Road Virus'...)
| Shiva-IceFlame chapter 2 . 8/26/2006
I like it. But what's up with the Like's?
| Professor Curly chapter 21 . 6/8/2006
My eyes are about to fall out of my head and melt into little piles of goo, thanks to the radiation exposure I got from reading this story all in one day. Darn you new computer screen. I already have bad eyesight, this just doesn't help...
But what can I say here? It's clear you've put alot of time and effort into this little peice of... er... 'Strange happenings'. Meh, I don't want to nit-pick, but...
In the words of my friend KC, "I'm confuzzled"
Now don't take this the wrong way. This story is extraordinary if only for it's length and the amount of work put into it. Especially considering that this is where anyone with a basic understanding of a language can post a story. Sometimes they don't even have that, but I digress.
There were things in the story that I beleive could've been clearer, or easier to read. Perhaps the telepathy thing could've been bold instead of italic, to seperate it from the 'headache/weird' scene descriptions as well the different parts of voice (Where someone 'chorused' or 'sang out' or whatever). I dunno. That kinda threw me for a loop trying to read it. Also part of why it took me so long, normally things even of this length don't take more than a few hours for me.
Also... The story strikes me as sort of newly dug up diamond. It's bigger than other diamonds certainly, but... My personal opinion is that it still needs to be cut and polished before it's attempted to be sold.
I can't really talk. My writing has been given an average of 2/10 from most -real- reveiwers. You know, the kinds of people that just tell you how your writing is and don't care if you hate them for it or not. Actually, I've only got one numerical review from someone like that. In fact, I've only got one review from a reviewer like that. Most people are more out to make friends I guess...
But continuing on. Length as you stated is an important factor. However, you don't need to just fill everything up and drag things out solely for the sake of length. I'm reading some chapters, and I'm thinking to myself: 'what the crap does this have to do with anything?'
Like the entire deal with the school, and the ESP test. That seemed to be so very important, as if that was going to lead up to something later, then... It just sort of is never mentioned again. And the entire time afterwards I'm sitting here, scratching my head and thinking, 'So, was that just there for the heck of it? Or...'
As I said, a rough gem. Some parts could be editted, some parts could be changed, some parts could be left out entirely. It seemed like you had a bunch of semi-ideas that you thought about using, then came up with something else and decided to just move onto that. While this is all well and good within the confines of a story based on Silent Hill, there is a point where it just gets annoying to read.
And whereas throughout the beginning and middle of the story you had me pretty dang scared at points, or freaked out more the term, things sort of started going in a downward spiral after the... ahem, 'scene' with Cheryl and Heather. That just struck me as out of place and silly.
Thus the spiral continues down, slowly shifting from a Silent Hill 'freakish-personification-of-human-nature-and-or-fears', to a story that seemed to have it's roots more in A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Things coming out of the blue, that instead of inspiring fear and awe-struck terror inspire a sense of 'hehehe...'
Like the ever-crapping dogs that eat dirt. At the time of reading, somewhat disturbing, in retrospect hilarious. And I should know, most people who read my work agree that my sense of humor is about the only reason they read it at all. I'm cynical, satirical, and just absolutely love making people laugh. All this 'other worlds' and 'disturbing creatures' stuff, I'll leave that to people like you. I don't do well with it.
But on the whole, a nice read. A bit of an unsatisfactory ending I have to say though (And... They lived happily ever after!). And I can't shake the question of why did 'Frank' drag off Heather's body at the end. I mean, was that setting up a sequel or what?
I'd give it a 7/10. I mean 10/10 for effort, 10/10 for character personality and voice, 9/10 for description, 1/10 for completely losing me every other chapter. Or maybe I just missed parts, I dunno. It was a good story, but rough.
And lo-o-o-o-ng! I mean, my eyes have a slight burning sensation in them now! Gah...
Anyway. I don't see what your problem with short stories is. I mean, that's what a lot of very good authors got their start writing, or were famed for their short stories later. Stephen King for example, and Edgar Allen Poe (The Pit and the Pendulam still gives me chills when I read it).
Meh, anyway. Check out some of my stories if you want. They're kinda basic, and stupid but what can you do right? I'm in the process of redoing the story that got a 2/10 (the one I mentioned earlier), and am working on the next chapter Titans After Rasemune now... not that you probably care, I'd hazard a guess that you've never sat down and watched an episode of Teen Titans. Nor Hellsing. So maybe reading my writing would be somewhat pointless for you. But whatever. I hope this review was helpful.
God bless, happy writings,
-ProfessorCurly, Semi-mad Scientist-
| Caitlin6767 chapter 1 . 6/4/2006
This is an incredible story so far Elliot, I'll definitely be back to read the rest. For now I'll leave you with your first comment, but it saddens me to see your other stories don't have more comments that 3 or 4. I suppose its only a number, but it probably took you so long to write this, you deserve feedback, some appreciation for it. Your technique-I know I'm only on the first chapter, but I truly mean what I'm about to say-keeps me reading, keeps me interested to the point that even if it is close to 2:30 in the morning, I'm compelled to read on. I'll review this story again tomorrow, keeping You updated with a reader's thoughts about your work.