|Reviews for Chance Has It|
| MistoryStar chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
Cute... that Kini girl was creepy, though XD
| darkryubaby chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
| Kijo Asuka chapter 8 . 8/22/2008
plz update soon!
| kimkim94 chapter 8 . 6/10/2007
lolz this is cute. but you have some spelling wrong.
| dutchangel1979 chapter 8 . 6/6/2007
i love this, its funny, is there any chance you will continue this? please
| starrychica82 chapter 1 . 4/12/2007
A little rough but I am not going ot jump you for it.I think it is very cute. Good job.
| Fr0g chapter 1 . 3/7/2007
Not too bad, could use a bit of a brush up, though.
Your spelling is good, but you should work on your grammar a bit. Your missing a lot of commas, but nothing too serious. You also have some random capitalizations that occur from time to time.
The idea of your plot seemed decent enough. Could be more creative, but nobody's perfect. Although the way you move your plot could definitely be better. I would suggest not using Kini. Actually, I would HIGHLY suggest not using her. Her personality isn't very well written, and she tends to act in ways that almost seem unreal, despite the fact that she is an OC. Every thing that she has done so far has been the bases of which the pairing is created.
Also, you've got some MAJOR plot holes. Mugen and Jin would be able to kick Koji AND Kini's ass before they even had the chance to breath the same air as Fuu. And Fuu isn't week; she wouldn't let a 13 year old hurt her that easily. Oh, and what were Jin and Mugen doing while Fuu was fighting with Kini? Plot hole alert.
Instead of using '-later that day-', I would suggest simply using it in a paragraph. For instance, 'Later that day, Fuu awoke blah blah blah'. But please don't do this too often. The readers usually don't care what time it is.
Oh, yeah, and AVOID AUTHORS NOTES. You have a bunch of them in the story, and it can get irritating.
Another thing I noticed was your lack of actual paragraphs. They were fairly small and simple, and used little description and very basic word choice. Try to make things 'bigger'. Bigger sentences. Bigger paragraphs. Bigger descriptions. And a bigger vocabulary. Instead of saying 'When Fuu woke up', try saying 'Once Fuu awoke'. It has the same concept, just with better word choice.
Ah, back to the plot hole issue. The first paragraph confuses me greatly. Obviously, you've never had sex, because if she was a virgin he would KNOW. I won't go into the details, considering your probably only around the age of twelve. By the way, the word 'virgin' is not capitalized.
So basically, your fanfiction could use a rewrite. Obviously your not too good at this sort of thing, so I would suggest just hiring a beta.
(By the way, I should probably tell you that this isn't a flame. Although I am I flamer, this is merely constructive criticism.)
| Wamunroe1 chapter 8 . 2/3/2007
Please write more! Very good!
| Fuu and Momo419 chapter 8 . 12/3/2006
Your plot was a litle rough and so is your grammer, but the story is still as original as ever. Interesting that Fuu lost her memory now... can't wait for more!
| Hott Rod chapter 8 . 12/2/2006
It's a little hard to follow. It doesn't make sense in some parts. It seems to be in bits and pieces... Umm, not good...
Oh yeah: :) :) That could help you some :) :)
| Yuki9283 chapter 7 . 10/28/2006
i love your fic and im adding you to my faves list. update soon.
| RubyFernandezJR chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
i love it! good job. you made jin feel so jealous, that was the best part.
| Crazygirl91 chapter 7 . 8/18/2006
Oi! I want to read more! This is really good! Keep it up! _
| Fuu and Momo419 chapter 6 . 8/18/2006
WOAH! What the heck? That was weird! C'mon, it was getting so good and then Mug had to go and loose his memories! (loud scream of annoyance) But anyway, your stuff keeps getting original with every chapter and your writing has improved once again. Great job and keep up the good work.
| Anime Freak Girl chapter 7 . 8/17/2006
Update soon )