|Reviews for When Fates Collide|
| Evelyn CMB chapter 8 . 2/5/2008
You have a really great story going here. It's an awesome new direction to the whole "Secret of the Sword" concept, bringing much more drama into it. It's well-written as well, both grammatically correct and appropriately descriptive.
My one recommendation would be to work on your summary. I never read this one before for two reasons. One was that by the time I stumbled onto fanfic, it hadn't been updated in quite a while, and I was trying to avoid stories that looked as if they were forgotten. The other was the summary. I was expecting some sort of odd New Age religion twist to this or something because of the summary. I certainly didn't understand why it was in He-Man instead of She-Ra. But this is a serious (and seriously good) story!
One thing I've always been curious about and hope you touch on: what's going on at the palace while Adam's gone? Is Teela mad/worried/indifferent? And what's dear ol' dad think of this latest disappearance by his son? Oh the fun...
Hope to see the next update soon!
| amethyst-labyrinth chapter 7 . 5/5/2007
This is quite good, update when you can.
| Night Raven chapter 6 . 2/19/2007
This is definitely worth coming back for.
| reine Seele chapter 4 . 9/26/2006
Awesome. I loved this chapter. The flashbacks were very well thought out, and the ending kept me guessing. Great job; keep up the awesome work, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
| IronicSymphony chapter 3 . 8/1/2006
Yes! I would like to see Adam's 'evil twin', too!
Well written, please speed chapter 4 along _
| reine Seele chapter 2 . 6/24/2006
Great chapter! The dialogue sounded very informed was written very well. I also liked the way Velora immediately latches onto the idea of charming Adam and becoming queen; very straight-forward. Excellent job and I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Mahnarch chapter 1 . 6/17/2006
Hi, Mahnarch here.
Your layout is good. The decription of the landscape from the terrians' point of view is a new(ish) and interesting way to get the history out to the audience.
The only problem I had was gender appointment. Was the warrior a man or a woman? From my personal history with the MotU series made me believe, at first, that it was Skeletor, looking over the ruins of a victory over Greyskull. Then, the com called for the Force Captain. That's when I finally figured out that the warrior was Adora.
It might have been better to assign her as a HER in the begining.
Riddle me this, however: What is the Horde doing on Eternia, in her dream, without cause or cross-intervention?
How does Adora know OF Eternia and Greyskull, already?
What does Adora wear when she sleeps? (lol. Childhood crush.)
Perhaps we'll find out in future chapters.
*I write the riddles to help you keep continuity and not to ask on a personal level.*
Keep up the good work.
Don't sell out.
If you do, can I get an Abbey82 action figure,with Kung-Fu Grip?
If you're a Star Wars fan, check out my 'Behind the Dark Side' story.
From what I hear, it's riveting.
| reine Seele chapter 1 . 6/11/2006
Hm, you're off to a very interesting start here. I was very intrigued by your delicious descriptions and mysterious handling of the characters. I'm absolutely itching for more. Your grammar is, if I may be so bold to say, impeccable; a wonderfully fresh change from the normal assortment of riffraff that I wade through. You have an excellent grasp of the English language, and for that I applaud you. Secondly, you've managed to capture my interest with your story, which isn't easy, I assure you. Very good job, and I hope to see more from you soon. Cheers!
- reine Seele