|Reviews for A New Enemy|
| Megan chapter 15 . 2/15/2010
i love this story i hope that you continue it it's a great story, i almost wish that it where the fifth book in the series.
| Alyrenzia chapter 15 . 2/20/2007
I loved the Claidi Journals, and you've done and amazing job of it so far. I can't wait to hear more. I have an idea you might be interested in. Claidi's power was natural right, which meant she inherited it. Why don't you make the masterming behind all of this Claidi's mother or father? That would make for an interesting story. Take it as you go, and good luck.
| teardrop456 chapter 6 . 1/21/2007
I for one really like your plot. But Argul, Claidi and Venn never did swear in any of the Claidi Journals. Once Claidi clearly wrote that she wouldn't swear because the nobles at the House used to swear. So maybe just tone down the swearing a little bit.
| myra chapter 14 . 12/20/2006
after i read wolf wing i thought [please tannith wright one more book pleasee] then i read this and o.m.g. it was so perfact. wirght more!
| Belgaer's Voice chapter 2 . 8/15/2006
I have some constructive criticism for this chapter, but please don't take offense. Some of it might still come off as harsh, no matter how gently I try to put it. Please know that I'm trying to help.
First off... I need more. I read this chapter and my mind was just begging for more. More details about the conversation, more dialogue, more explanation of Claidi's thoughts. This is a big issue for her. And did she also tell Argul about her and Dengwi's parentage?
Then: how long exactly has Claidi been playing the violin? I played for a year and had only just managed some cool-sounding stuff by the end of that time. Claidi, playing for a few weeks, would not have the time to acquire the skills necessary to play so many songs. One or two perhaps, if she worked at it all day, trying carefully to get everything right.
The only real problem that I had with the violin thing was that it happened so fast, and that I never thought of Claidi as a musical person. In the books, we never even hear of her singing, and to pick up the violin in such a short amount of time would take some serious musical inclination.
Okay, for real now, I need to move on.
Argul and Claidi, by this time, had been married a month or so. Had they not done the nasty before, in their room in Peshamba perhaps, or in Yinyay on their way to Wolf Tower City? had it really been their first time? I dunno. I'd guess not. However, it is your story, and you are free to make of it what you will. I will offer this one suggestion: "That night, I can’t explain it. It’s too secretive to say. Let’s just say that he and I shared a night of love and pleasure." I think that it would be good to omit the whole last sentence, because what comes after it clearly implies what went on between them and makes that sentence unnecessary.
You did make an awfully big deal of that night, spent almost half the chapter on it- so I'd ask you to consider upping the rating from K to T for the references. It's not a bad thing, it's just that the content is saying "Teen" to me.
I'm going to keep reading, and I hope you continue on with this story and keep it going. Again, longer chapters would rock.
| Belgaer's Voice chapter 1 . 8/15/2006
Thank you for the review! You are most kind. I see from your profile that you like Josh Groban. That'll cement you into my e-friendship extraordinarily fast, let me tell you.
Now then. Your introduction is quite short, but I can see from it that you're trying to emulate Tanith Lee's style. Good for you.
I like the idea of Claidi taking violin lessons, but why as a gift to Argul? I've never thought of Claidi as very musical, so perhaps I'm more inclined to think of her writing in frustration at how she can't make it sound beautiful like the Hulta fiddler-women. Nevertheless, I'm glad you're going to explore that possible side of her. Can I make a wild guess that you play the violin, or have at some point?
There are a few places where you have, I think the term is subject-verb disagreement. In this sentence, for example: "The music, laughter, threats, jokes, and other sounds that comes from them." You'll want to say "sounds that come from them" or "sound that comes from them" instead.
There are other places like that, small things that the word processor won't catch. I advise you to read your work out loud or have a friend do it to catch some of these. Or, you could get a beta reader to proofread your work before you post it. I'd be happy to do the job, if you wanted me to.
However, let me say a big word of congratulations to you for using it's/its correctly. Thank you for not being like everyone else. It's maddening to think that so many people just don't THINK when they're writing things. Ah well. Perhaps I'm being too harsh. Then again, I've pretty much been an English major in the making for years now.
But enough of that. Back to your first chapter. I like Winter and Ngarbo's wedding plans. I do hope you'll take us to the wedding later in the story.
Suggestion: When you discuss Argul's book, why don't you tell us what it's called? Perhaps some bit of knowledge in it could help out everyone later in the story. Course, that's just what I think, as I don't know what the rest of your story entails.
My favorite bits? The part about the violin and the bit with Claidi's rumbling stomach. That was quite a Claidi moment, that stomach.
Anyway, I shall be reading more. Holler if you want a beta reader!
| Leyra-lili chapter 8 . 8/12/2006
Great job! i love your story. I just want to keep reading. Your doing great with character developement, it sounds just like the original story. Keep writing. 10/10
| Minit chapter 14 . 6/25/2006
The whole concept of the "evil-eye" reminds me of Lord of the Rings. xD That's not bad though, it's a good idea.
I hope they get there in time to save the House children!
| Minit chapter 13 . 6/24/2006
I loved the chapter, and I'm glad you got un-distracted enough to write it. _ I know how obsessions go, I can no longer stop playing TES: Oblivion.
I loved this chapter, I hope Claidi gets her side looked at.
| Minit chapter 12 . 6/18/2006
I like this! I'm glad we're getting into the plot, and I'm glad that Ven'n has shown up! xD I've always had a prefrence for Ven'ny.
And it's nice to know that all sorts of kids are missing, that it's just not Claidikins.
Please, please write another chapter soon! Don't get distracted, don't get distracted!
| Minit chapter 11 . 6/15/2006
Strange thing is, I only got one email notification for a new chapter, but when I looked, there were two?
Anyways, I liked them both, and I'm on the edge of my seat wondering who has taken Azal! Please write a new chapter soon!
Just on a side note, some of your phrases sound strange, like "But his skin tone is lighter than Argul’s and mine. His not tan yet. And so hasn’t Azalyae." I think a better way to word that would be "But his skin tone is lighter than Argul's and mine, not tan yet. Neither is Azalyea's." Just a suggestion.
| Minit chapter 9 . 6/14/2006
Ooh, I was gone, and now I'm back, and you wrote like 3 chappies! Good job on all of them! I hope the plot develops more though. Are we getting to the enemy soon? I hope so.
I'm glad she had twins.
| Minit chapter 5 . 6/10/2006
Gosh, I want to know what happens next.
What happens next?
Ooh, update soon!
| Minit chapter 4 . 6/10/2006
Ooh, I like this chappy. It wasn't bad, really. I liked it! Update soon?
| Minit chapter 1 . 6/10/2006
Ooh, this is nice! I really like this story. And I don't have any critisism, but you should write more. Deffs. _ Thanks for your review on mine, btw.