|Reviews for Edmund Investigates: The Murder on the Tisiphone|
| julie603 chapter 12 . 4/19/2014
oh, another investigation story would be great
| Anonymous chapter 7 . 5/22/2010
OH NO! EDMUND!
| Aslan's Lamb chapter 12 . 12/28/2009
As a mystery, this story is excellent! It's suspenseful and fast-paced and all the little details come together at the end and make perfect sense!
But as a Narnian fanfic I feel that some of the characters are not quite true to canon. Edmund and Lucy are great. But I can't imagine Susan focusing so much on the party, when she is aware that there is a murderer about. I think she would be much more likely to try to help with the investigation. And I can't imagine protective Peter allowing Edmund to go investigate alone. He would be much more likely to go with Edmund or at any rate, to follow him secretly. Perhaps, you could change these things, or at any rate, explain them better. Of course, this is all my opinion. And let me repeat that you've written a very interesting story!
| Blackstar chapter 11 . 7/13/2009
His! I was right! HAHAHA! Just by the way, Florence R. and Blackstar are the same person: ME!
| Blackstar chapter 10 . 7/13/2009
Yeah- this is actually VERY good- I can't figure out if it's J. or what!... I think it is, tho'.
| Florence Raregold chapter 6 . 7/13/2009
I only have time to say it's GREAT!
| Florence Raregold chapter 3 . 7/12/2009
This is one of the greatest mysteries I've ever read...Keep the good work up!
| Wulfclan chapter 7 . 6/23/2008
Yikes! Who got killed? Very...uh...descriptive gurgle. Eww... Not that I mind, it just isn't exactly a K sort of thing. As I said, I don't mind, but other people might, and I'm not sure that this a K story. You might rate it as T and then specify what it's rated for. Just a thought.
Good work, I'm enjoying it.
| Wulfclan chapter 5 . 6/23/2008
Ooh! I'm intruiged; I love murder mysteries. Good job with this; I think I almost like Orest.
*hurries to read the rest*
| Nalati chapter 12 . 2/21/2008
To be quite honest, what I think you've got here is a brilliant idea that fell somewhat flat.
I'm not trying to be cruel so please do not turn away now thinking this is a flame. It's not. I don't flame. I think this is a good idea that could be rewritten into a truly excellent story - and I say "rewritten" because we already know how this one ends.
I'm no expert on mystery stories, Agatha Christie's Poiroit stories being the only ones I've read, but there are a few key things that I would like you to know:
The biggest problem I had while reading was that none of the suspect characters were fleshed out to the point of being real people; they weren't exactly stereotypes, but they weren't tangible either. All we ever saw of them were the moments when their behaviour gave away a clue to Edmund, not all the surrounding, everyday moments that mask it. It's rather hard to look for clues when the only descriptions we are given are the clues themselves.
The Captain was the only character for whom no outright motive was given, save for 'bad feelings' Edmund has, which made it all the more unusual for him to be the murderer; also, the Hero Tied Up While The Villian Explains His Entire Plot Motive is a cliche that has been completely overdone; it might still work in movies, but not in prose, and here it stole any sense of victory from solving the murder, turning a battle of minds and logic into a physical fight, of which we have quite enough in Narnia fics already.
On another note, I find it impossible to believe a King of Narnia could be assaulted in his own country, much less his own palace. There would be guards everywhere, even at night, and with a murderer on the loose all the Pevensies would probably have had bodyguards. Looking back, I really don't see why you had Edmund be injured in the first place; all it does is delay his investigation. I suppose you may have meant to emphasise how dangerous this murderer is, but... well, we already know that.
Describing the suspect as "X" felt, from a writers' point of view, extremely clumsy. Just seeing it on the page made my Inner Editor twitch. It's a fine way to work on paper, in documents, but not in a story. Saying "he" or "he or she" (or the finally-accepted "they" as a singular) should work fine.
Having said all that, I want to make it clear that I don't think it's all bad; you have a brilliant idea and the potential for an excellent story, and I wouldn't be reviewing if I didn't think it was worth the time and effort. I do like it, or I wouldn't be here. I'm just saying that it could be better.
If you do ever decide to re-write this fic, or write another mystery in the same style, I'd be glad to beta-read for you. Mysteries are wonderful stories, as much for the author as the reader, and there aren't enough - there can never be enough.
Good luck, and thank you.
| jordan chapter 8 . 7/6/2007
cool story, but everything is happening too fast
| Swanwhite2 chapter 6 . 1/11/2007
I've recently realized that I forgot to tell you that I entered this story in the Lion Awards at The Lions Call and it won one. You can read the transcript of the awards ceremony and get your award at the home page of TLC.
| Swanwhite2 chapter 2 . 11/29/2006
I finaly found a chapter that I hadn't reviewed yet. they have this new rule where you can't review any chapter twice. I suppose I could have just sent an anonymous one. So anyhow thanks for making me a staff of your new C2. It's a great idea for one. I was wondering if my story the spy or prince would count since it's about shasta even though he doesn't come into it.
Also I have a forum now called the Narnian nuts forum if you'd like to be a moderator there your code is 69aea. It'd be nice if you could.
| ChabeMica chapter 12 . 10/13/2006
I LOVED your story, I know it's too late for a review but anyways, I just wanted to tell you how amusing your story is...I KNEW it was Jourmun or whatever his name is spelled who was the murderer...but I have no clue that Hylus was also included in the plan...very god case...you have a future writing mystery stories!
See ya and I'll look for other cases if you have some!
| Swanwhite2 chapter 1 . 8/28/2006
sorry to use this the review box for this but you have disabled private messaging. thanks for reviewing my story. I'm glad you liked it. I don't think I could continue it cause it is a missing scene. but i'm have some ideas for another one. When you said your story was deleted on The Lions call I was really suprised. I was going to ask them bout it but I checked first and I found it in the Novel length section. so they did't remove it after all.
P.S. Hows the next Mystery coming along?