|Reviews for This Could Be Trouble|
| anonymouse chapter 45 . 3/10
Hey there. I know it's been a while since you finished this, so I'm not sure if you still read these reviews, but I just came across this story again after several years and decided to leave my thoughts on it.
Now, as a preface to this: I really enjoyed the first 20 or so chapters of this story. Everything had a nice rhythm, it was funny, quirky and Rick's interactions with the FFIX characters was engaging and interesting. Rick himself was interesting, too. I even enjoyed the introduction of the other characters from other Final Fantasies and video games, like the Turks and Alma etc.
But once this story shifted away from the FFIX plot and got stranger and stranger, more nonsensical and basically impossible to follow, it got progressively less and less enjoyable. I read through to the end because I don't like to leave things unfinished, but it felt very unsatisfying and honestly like a waste of time. Rick became unlikeable to the point where it was a chore to read through his inner monologues, the introduction of plot points felt clumsy and as if it was all thought up on the spot and the killing off of certain major characters felt cheap and forced.
I noticed on Archive Of Our Own that this story was tagged with "Deconstruction", so I do understand that this may have possibly been intended as a deconstruction. If it was, then I don't think it's a deconstruction so much as its plot changes course so often it gets tiring and irritating to follow, but I can recognise that might've been the intention. Making Rick so unlikeable, even if intended to deconstruct self-insert OCs in fanfiction, made me want to give up on the entire story countless times.
I'm saying all this because I really think this story could've been my favourite "x person wakes up in their favourite video game" fanfiction. It had a lot going for it during the early chapters. Honestly, I think the choice to move away from Final Fantasy IX's plot was what killed it - there would've been plenty to deconstruct and experiment with without needing to make everything so nonsensical. To each their own and all, but I was so engaged reading this story for, like I said, the first 20 chapters and then it all fell apart spectacularly.
I do know you struggled with writer's block and I completely understand the frustration of that, especially the frustration of being unhappy with the work you produce, but I'm sad to see the potential of this concept wasted. I really think this fanfiction could've been amazing if you'd stuck with the FFIX plot, giving Rick the opportunity to develop organically rather than putting him in so many impossible situations that he became possibly one of my least favourite OCs in any fanfiction I've read. If that was the point, then I think it worked against this story.
I'm sorry if this comes off as rude - I just felt like I should give you my honest thoughts on this after getting to the end. In case you do ever plan to revisit this story, I thought I'd give you an honest opinion on what I thought worked and what didn't.
| Tallman7 chapter 8 . 4/24/2014
Don't take this the wrong way, but Rick's ADD is really, REALLY distracting. If reading were like driving, his ADD would be like strobe lights a foot away from my eyes. It's got it's funny moments, but WOW is it aggravating.
| Naturestune chapter 20 . 1/18/2013
...God damn it Rick why would you say Zidane?
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/25/2012
get him/her a WEAPON !
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/25/2012
is it a he or she ?
| Tabansi232 chapter 45 . 4/13/2012
I'm going to say something that may terrify you. In the beginning of this story, I liked Rick. He was quirky, had his own personality, and had an interesting narration to follow. After a while when Rick progressed into a darker and more self-centered person, I couldn't stand him, which is understandable from anyone's perspective.
That's not the terrifying information.
This chapter made me like Rick again. I kept having to reread it, and even as I was beta-ing, I kept looking at the content of the chapter, trying to figure out at what point Rick became a likable character.
That part ended up being so obvious that I wanted to do a dramatic facepalm:
"...I love you." Something tells me that's the most honest thing I've said to another person in years.
Now, I'm going to give myself some credit here and say that I didn't read the line and think: "Aw, that's sweet. Rick's such a great guy." No. It was the underlying notion that a character who had gone on tirades about all the hatred in the world and all the unfairness and how he had wanted so many others to die-all of that and yet, he still was capable of accepting and giving love to another. Ultimately, I knew that it would mean that even a character like Rick was capable of forgiveness.
Yes, I'm treating Rick as if he's a sappy character. Deal with it.
There was another aspect of this chapter that really caught my attention. Of course, the battle had me staring at the screen in shock (the good kind), but I'll talk more about that later. Reading the entire chapter over so many times made me feel this overwhelming nostalgia, and I think it had to do with Rick's character development in combination with your writing. Somehow, in this crazy story with millions of twists and turns, you managed to recapture the tone and memories of the earlier chapters. Most writers would go through this story and come out with an ending that didn't match up with the beginning, but you pulled through, and as satisfied as you are with the ending, as a reader, I'm right there with you.
This may be my personal opinion shining through here, but I had no idea that you were this good at writing battle scenes. I could picture everything clearly in my head, and I could practically feel the same adrenaline rush as Rick. It was an amazing experience. Also, the resourcefulness that you used for the battle? Brilliant. You had me jumping in my seat when Rick finally got all badass with a letter opener. Bravo, man! Bravo!
A more minor aspect that I liked about this chapter was Hermione's character. It's hard to like someone through another's narration, especially when that person doesn't particularly like them, but even before Rick accepted Hermione as part of the group, I found myself liking her. Kudos to your writing for that!
As I mentioned before, I loved the ending. Usually I hate when there are still loose ends, but I liked that you gave the reader the choice to choose to believe and hope with the characters or not. It makes me feel as though you wrote the ending more so for the readers than for yourself, which is rarely what writers do nowadays.
Thank you so much for all of your hard work and dedication to this story. Out of everything that has come about from this story, I am proud to say that my favorite part was meeting and becoming friends with you, through all of our ups and downs. You're a great writer and a great person, and I'm very lucky to have you as my friend. Thank you.
| Rad Pallaton chapter 44 . 1/12/2012
Hello there. I am not sure if you remember me, but I reviewed your story a couple times in the earlier chapters. Shortly after I lost interest in fanfiction, but on a whim I decided to return to the site to see what has happened to those few fanfictions I used to read.
Rick is not my favorite character. His flaws overtake his personality, and I discovered that it was hard to have any sympathy for him after a while. During a few scenes, I found myself wondering if I really wanted to read the entire story through with this character, and it was then that I realized what my real issue with the story was, and it was an entirely personal one.
In the beginning, I used Rick as a way to interact with the world of Gaia. I would compare the actions he took in the world to what actions I thought I would have taken in his position. As I got to know Rick's character better, I even imagined what interactions with him would be like. I was finding every excuse to enter into this story's world myself, and that was my own downfall.
My best comparison to use would be Tabansi232's self insert, "Flipped Up Reality," since I recall both of us being familiar with it. The main character of that story had a lot of traits that were likable, and it was easy to slip into a scene with that character. It was a character people would readily want to interact with just as they would want to interact with a real person that carried the character's traits and personality.
Rick isn't set up as that character. He is not set up as someone one would want to have any interaction with. This does not mean that he is a bad character. Far from it, actually. Rick is a very well-developed character and a very realistic character. There are people in the world that readers could compare to Rick. He just is not likable.
Once I was able to come to terms with this, I was able to read this story from a new vantage point. No longer was I looking for a character to connect with, and this made Rick surprisingly more likable. He never acted out of character, and he always kept the narration interesting. Even though he is not my favorite character, he is definitely a memorable one.
The story, on the other hand, had left me rather unimpressed. Your writing style is wonderful, and I liked the ideas that you had going on in the story. The execution of this plot needed a lot more thought into it, unfortunately. I know that this story was written chapter-by-chapter, so please do not feel the need to defend yourself on that aspect. In-progress stories are very difficult to write, and you did much better than most writers in actively contributing and incorporating plots, characters, and information. It just left me, personally, unimpressed. Please consider taking this as a compliment as I was captivated enough by your story to even feel put off when I didn't get the satisfaction that I yearned for.
There were a lot of aspects that I liked about this story, and there were aspects that I didn't like about this story. A writer always has room for improvement, so please don't take it to heart. You're a gifted writer, and, overall, I found this story to be a good read, and I'll probably read through it again one day. Thank you for posting this story.
| Janny-chan chapter 43 . 10/28/2010
Read through this entire story in ONE sitting! I deserve a prize for my dedication. Just kidding!
Yanno, I kinda think you jumped the gun with this story. The beginning has a nice flow to it, but then the focus shifted from a concrete plot to what I like to think as an experiment of sorts. I felt really lost while reading it at certain points. Maybe you can pull a Tabansi232 and start over? You have great ideas and a wonderful talent for writing, but I think more effort needs to go into this story to make it as grand as it deserves to be.
Sorry if I sound mean! I'm really just trying to help!
| Suzuki Hayashi chapter 43 . 7/18/2010
I've finally finished reading this entire story. A lot of times I found myself confused and begging Tabansi232 to explain things to me but even she had trouble doing so LOL. Next time I'l bother you with my millions of questions. ) I'm not sure how I feel about Rick. In the beginning and through the middle I liked him, but in the end I found it really hard to feel anything for him. The only constant impression I'm given of him is he's an insecure, scared person who has a hard time trusting others. He's like someone that has to betray you first before you betray him. It's sad when I look at it this way but I have stronger attachments to main characters that nullify most of the pity I have for him. The story is also crazy complex but in a good way. The different worlds and characters mashed together make for a setting that is hard to understand but is interesting to explore. I really wish there was a map of this world. It'd be fun to look at.
I'm very happy I got to read this story. I know I can never be this creative in my own writing but now I'm not afraid to try some new ideas and deviate from the norm. Thank you for teaching me this!
| KanbiOceans chapter 43 . 11/5/2009
This chapter confused me a bit. Most of them do though.
What happened to Dagger in the two years she wasn't with Rick and are they still on the Gaia Rick was on? Please update soon! I need to know!
| MoonDot chapter 43 . 11/4/2009
I am somewhat confused about things, but that's just me, could've overlooked some details or something. You really did a good job on Rick though, don't worry about that.
I'd be acting almost the same way if people shove that much shit down on me, then lo and behold! Wild Mary Sue appears! And then the character(Rick) would obviously feel what he was feeling in the story because he is just a normal human being, not some heroic kid like Sora. He would react in a selfish way and not obliged to recuse some chick he didn't know about. That's what normal people do, don't feel bad on what you're doing to Rick.
Shit just happens, and Rick just have some bad karma. Seriously bad. Hope he gets better though, more of it, he might just break into tiny tiny pieces, and we will never find him again. Haha, good luck on chapter 44!
| Tabansi232 chapter 42 . 10/1/2009
You know, the last time I reviewed your story we mentioned something about the lack of plot. Now you're just being repetitive. XP
"Lifa" is supposed to be "Iifa", just so you know.
"It easily dwarfs Alexandria and Ascantha, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it's bigger than even Lindblum. How did the people of the Mist Continent not know that this thing existed? Are they blind?"
Is Rick unaware that the Iifa Tree is on an entirely different continent and across a wide ocean? Someone needs to retake geography.
I love how Naruto is the voice of wisdom out of the group. XP
Oh, god, you avoid the entire plot of FFIX, yet you still manage to make Dagger lose her voice? DX Why? Why?
I knew Rick was a closet Heroes fanatic. XP
So, is Rick going to the dark side for sure now (I hear they have cake, but I also hear that the cake is a lie)? Well, I guess I'll have to wait and find out in the next chapter. 83
| Frankensquishy chapter 42 . 6/28/2009
| God Loves u chapter 40 . 1/1/2009
so i red ur stroy n i think dat ricky mite be gay but he prbly iznt cuz if he WAS hed go 2 dat bad place u no wit da fllamers n the firerser n datys no god says my ddaady
iz zida rely dead i think hes alive hes gonna come back and marry dager and hav lotsa a babies name emrald saffire diamond n i no dis girl who iz named diamond itz sucg a prety name!
can ricky marry rachel cuz i dink they love eacoher
n im so confused cause ricky keeps getting calledrick n richard n is their other peeps in dis? n ricky cant wear dresses cuz he haz a peepe and guys dont wear dressys duh
rei iz goin 2 hel 4 shorez shes a rapepist n i hav nitemarez bout her rapen me n i lyke it!Q im so scareded itz weisd
im confussesd y is kindom harts here itz f9! not kh silly n did melifichentiathsaer raped rick or waz it ricky n izn't dat infest! dats a sin ull go to heckles
guyzes also0 dunt haz vajjs so how did rape rickkers n weird she get a peepe?
iz sasuke wheelie dead 2 cuz hes a total hawtie n i wanna m,arry him so we can hav babis togeheter or mabee i can b a morman n marie lotsa hawt guyses. but den id go 2 hell n my dads be sad
well im so confusesed n i dunt reaaly no wats goim pon but io stillz get the suspicion dat ricklin iz gay iz he
weaight u left ffnet wherd u go wats nfik POOSZER! coem bak! I LUV U NO HOMO!
| No Account chapter 40 . 11/19/2008
Well, I'll still be reading on the other site. But for cryin' out loud, can you please have something GOOD happen to poor Rick for once? I'm all for character-torture, but this is ridiculous! :-)