Reviews for The Journal |
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![]() ![]() if you wanted to know, with ur theory the piece that he has is 1/128 which is ever scarier! lol |
![]() ![]() ![]() That was interesting. And hun it's Voldemort not Voldamort. just sayin. and i could be your beta if you still need one. |
![]() ![]() ![]() nice story |
![]() ![]() It's Voldemort, not Voldamort. Otherwise, I liked this chapter, especially Tom sulking ;-) I wonder if Dumbledore will be able to see him. |
![]() ![]() ![]() *snickers* Very nice chapter with Tom sulking and Harry thinking and making his mind up. The only thing I noticed was your spelling for the dark lord. His name is VoldEmort, not VoldAmort. ; It's the French word for "Fly of death" I've heard. Anyway, the chapter was still nice. I am looking forward to read the next one. *Usagi-Atemu-Tom /_\ |
![]() ![]() ![]() I really like this idea. It's a really interesting one and I like how it's going so far. Tom seems to genuinely care for Harry regardless of his future self's thoughts. I like how Harry is still a nice kid and still likes Hagrid and thinks that books that aren't dark arts can still be useful. Please keep up the good work. |
![]() ![]() ...sorry, I know you might wanna kill me after this but its Voldemort as in Vol-de-mort french for flight of death/theft of death... |
![]() ![]() I'm glad that my critique was put to good use. Many authors do not have the maturity or self-confidence to do so. This chapter was much better with the exception of one thing. You spelled 'Voldamort' incorrectly. As I'm sure other reviewers have mentioned, it's 'Voldemort'. This seems pretty minor but it does hint at a somewhat larger problem. That possible problem is laziness. Being an author is a lot of work. Authors have to create new characters, spin plots, research information and finally write it all together. Fanfic authors have it worse- they have to not only attend to the creative side of things but they must also check the canon details and make sure it all blends. It is absolutely essential you make sure the canon names and other details are correct. When there are so many Harry Potter resource sites out there, there is no excuse :). Also, several times you've asked to excuse spelling the grammatical errors. You've done quite well and I have not noticed that many. Indeed, it seems that you authors notes at the beginning or end have the bulk of them. The thing is that this is so easily corrected. On this site is a link to Open Office. This program is free to download and comes with a spelling and grammar check. You might want to download it if you don't already have a word processing program that does this. The good news is that I admire your courage to improve your writing and actively work to correct yourself. Already you are a good writer. Keep working hard and I expect you'll become a great author. A beta reader is certainly a step in the right direction. Before I go, I'll give you a few suggestions on what makes a good beta reader. You may have to go through several to find a good one, that wants to really help you and not cosset your ego :). Many just correct a chapter with no indication as to what the changes were or why they were made. This is efficient but in the end you will learn nothing. A good beta will also help you if your plot goes astray or your characterizations are slipping. I hope you aren’t discouraged from yet another review with more critique than compliment. I think you have talent and this story is lovely. Believe me, I wouldn’t spend all this time writing a critique, if I didn’t think you could do amazing things. Again, this chapter was much better than the last. I look forward to reading the next one. |
![]() ![]() ![]() love it |
![]() ![]() ![]() haha lOl tom sounds so kute. i love the last bit of the story,'He just sulked down in the bar most of the time. What a baby.' - hehe. keep goin rock on! xoxo |
![]() ![]() ![]() Story is still good and all...I would just like to point out that the name is "Voldemort", not "Voldamort". If you need a beta, try It's a site chock full of betas. Update soon. |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOVE IT! and no i dont remember an A/N in the middle of the chappie oh well update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Right, first off it's Voldemort, with an e, not an a. Second, if you're looking for a beta, I'd be happy to help look over it for grammar and spelling mistakes. I don't know if I'd be much help with plot though. If you want to take me up on that, email me. My email address can be found on my author's page. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmm, interesting story so far. I am quite curious what will happen next. I especially like the fact that Tom will not turn Harry into a second him but that Harry seems to still be polite and friendly. He seems to be determined to judge people of his own, not listen if Tom approves them or not. Maybe... is there a chance that Harry may still become friends with Ron and Hermione? Or are you actually one of those writers who dislikes them? Personally I would really like to read more stories of Harry and Tom where Harry still keeps his best friends. In the books they are very loyal to him in my opinion and especially in this story I could imagine that with the influence Tom had on Harry they could turn out a little different as they do in the books. Like Harry more open to the things he likes and accepts about Tom. Speaking of Tom, there is one little thing I have to criticize about the 4th chapter. It left me a little confused about how much Tom and Harry know? Does Harry know about Tom's new name "Lord Voldemort"? Does Tom know by now what exactly happened to his older self? And was Harry told the same story as in the books by Hagrid? Maybe it's only me but I feel a little unsure right now about what exactly Tom and Harry know and I also think that, if Harry did learn about his parents death shouldn't he have a little talk with Tom about this and also I would like to know if this younger Tom is a little sorry about what his older self did? Well I know the talk could still happen in the next chapter but... hopefully you can then also clear up a little about what Harry now knows and what Tom knows? Or you could explain it privately? Because that would be really, really nice. By the way, one other thing I am curious about? Are you still planning for Hagrid to buy Harry his birthday present (Hedwig ). It would be a nice thing for him to do and it would also make Harry like him even more I guess. And maybe then Tom could warm up a little over his old schoolmate as well? I mean, Hagrid is really nice to Harry and Tom likes Harry after all. Gah I am doing so much speculations here for how the story could continue. I tend to always do this when I like a story very much. I hope you can forgive me? As I said I think the story is well done so far and I am very curious to find out more. So, please don't take too long to update? Greetings Usagi-Atemu-Tom /_\ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow, a great idea to let Harry find the diary. I wonder how Tom will convince him to fight against all those people. Will Voldemort's spirit not cause any trouble? |