Reviews for The Journal
rayama chapter 4 . 6/15/2006
Good fic. You could use a beta to help you with the spelling issues, though. And you need to try to show more, rather than tell.
rahhgirl.xx chapter 4 . 6/14/2006
Hi, fantastic chapter, can't wait til next update :) xoxo
Xelena chapter 4 . 6/14/2006
i like it but i'm confused on one part... when harry's talking about the past, what year is he currently in?
Amy Lee chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
I'm going to give you a bit of advice to help you build your skills as a writer. You have an interesting idea and for the most part, you write very well. There are just two points in particular that are letting you down.

The first issue is author's notes in the middle of a chapter. These are very disruptive to the flow of the story and is in the very least unprofessional. This may be fanfic but a good rule of thumb is to follow conventions of published material. You’ll see that the best fanfic authors do this. If you *have* to add an author's note, do it at the end or beginning of a chapter. Should you need to write an author’s note, keep it short and concise.

The second issue stems from the inappropriately placed authors notes and that is that you shouldn't be telling the story in an author's note. If you find yourself needing to explain plot points like that, you can be certain that you're not doing your duty as an author. You should be showing the readers how and why things happen, not telling them. The explanation of what Tom was doing could easily have been added as part of the story.

Don't rush and make sure everything essential is included and the plot has a logical progression. It is a common mistake to get so involved with a story that only later on you realize that you forgot to mention something important. That’s why an outline is important and why most authors keep notes on their stories. After you finish a chapter let it sit overnight. Then reread it so you can spot mistakes or things you might have forgotten. Only then upload.

You're doing really well, don’t doubt that. I'm also enjoying your story. The problems that I've mentioned are quite minor. Just take things slow and edit as needed. I look forward to your next update!
Hypothetical S.F chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
Oh come on the story's just getting started. Anyway this is great. Please please please update like you have been!
MadeleineElizabeth chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
LOVE IT PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
SailorHecate chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
Fabulous chappie! I can't wait to see Tom's reaction.
KC-Chick chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
Oh yay! I was so excited when I saw this in my inbox. Great installment to the fic! I got confused at the beginning...and I don't really quite get why you couldn't just write out the bolded stuff or even made it a mystery to us readers but, I guess that's all an author's choice really...but I just don't understand why it was quite neccessary I guess...but that's just me, which means it really doesn't matter. Lol. But no, this fic really is good. Apart from some spelling mistakes here and there, but we all make them. You might want to get a beta though, but that's really up to you. I'm not really touchy about grammar because we all make mistakes, but just a few here and there that I have noticed. Anywho, great job! I'm glad you got inspired...haha pickle juice...that's funny. I'll try that sometime! Lol! Alrighty, well keep drinking that juice if that's what gets you inspired! And update soon! I can't wait to see what happens!

KC-Chick~

_
lilith chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
I have a major pet peeve... and that are author's notes in the middle of the story! Did you have to do that? If Tom told Harry about the horcruxes, why did you not include a scene where he told Harry where he went? Did you ever read a book in which the author told the reader things about the plot in a note? Say, JKR, writing in CoS after Harry jumped into the chamber A/N: And then Ron and Harry knocked Lockhart out with his own memory spell, and Tom Riddle aka Voldemort came out of the diary, but I didn't want to write this, it's so boring, so you can read about Harry battling a basilisk now.

Okay, I'm done ranting now, nice story, please update soon (and don't do this again).
astropixie chapter 4 . 6/13/2006
Good update. Keep it coming.
SailorHecate chapter 3 . 6/13/2006
Fabulous chappie! I absolutely adore Tom's attitude.
Kai19 chapter 3 . 6/13/2006
I love this fic! I can see it now, they're in the pet store, and Harry starts talking to the snakes, and Tom goes into shock.. Or does he already know? Anyway, I hope to read more soon, but no pressure, okay?
Sailor Saturn chapter 3 . 6/13/2006
Terrific story! Very original! I especially like how you've developed such a strong relationship between Harry and Tom. It's not exactly a father to son, brother to brother, or friend to friend relationship, but a very unique mix of the two. I hope you continue updating this story because it's very powerful work and I believe it's worth exploring and expanding. Good luck!
Katlyn chapter 3 . 6/12/2006
Hi, I like your story. It's original and well-written. If you continue it, I will be glad to read it.
Coiling Death chapter 3 . 6/12/2006
I find this really sweet. Hope you are going to continue it.

The plotline is original and interesting (so few of those these days... *sigh*)

Anyway, good work!
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