Reviews for My Bleeding Crimson Despair
Guest chapter 6 . 5/11/2014
I expected this to be so awesome, but it was so disturbing! Get a life and stop ruining other people's! By the way I also think Draco is super sexy! I loved that part only: his description.
Hate/Love
************
Dragonhunter chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Oh my God. Trolling win. I usually flame unconfirmed troll fics, but this was actually funny! And weird...

Dragonhunter
That One Flamer Person chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
Hmmm, color-changing eyes, described as being stunningly beautiful, everybody falls in love with her, Metamorphmagus, Animagus(flying panther). Seems like a Mary-Sue to me. A HUGE Mary-Sue. You have potential, just work on your self-insert character. By the way, Chuck is my fave character.

Flamer
Tsuki no kimi chapter 6 . 11/21/2010
Is it bad if a secret part of me really, really loved this? You know, just for Eve and Ian?

Because they are kind of cool.

Even though I want to kill Kaytlynn.
Ava-Connie chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
Yo thar. I'm the /actual/ D_Artagan from Livejournal, I write for their Mary-Sue comm and stumbled actoss this Troll, as you can see in the article, I called troll, (and would like to point out that it is a HILARIOUS troll at that too XD Good work there), I would just like to apologise for the grammatically challenged fuc*knut who used my name and posted a link to the journal here. They obviously didn't see the hilarity there and shall now be found out, and sporked to death.

Happy trolling XD

Ava
Izzy Ilmol chapter 1 . 6/21/2010
Hi, my name is Izzy! Um, I really love Harry Potter, and I'm terrified after reading this fanfiction, so let's flame her, k? LOL. Just know that this is in the future, when Harry's all grown up, yet Draco's still her baby daddy. The first section is where we choke on our tea, so the rest is when we wish to tear our eyeballs out and drown in our own blood. So, I hope you like it!

Chapter One: Mary Sue's Journey Into the Doorstep Of Gary Stu

All was dark on Mary Sue Lane. The only light came from the most Mary-Sueish of all nature - and a beautiful kawaii mansion at the end of the street. 666 Mary Sue Lane had one lamp glowing on the third of seventeen stories (Jinny liekz 2 reed nite!1) It was toward this light that the Littlest Sue was walking...

CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

THESE WOUUUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAAAAL

CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIN!

She stumbled in the slick rain, grabbing at the mailbox of another house for her lack of her supar-dupar-human strength for a few minutes, all for the sake of the Sue! "Sorry, mailbox," she whispered in a beautiful gaspy voice, her doe-like eyes wide and mopey, "but I have to stand tall." She pulled herself up with a lever and resumed her painful struggle...

CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

THESE WOUUUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAAAAL

CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIN!

When she reached the house, the girl collapsed against the door, then hitting her head, breaking her head open, and dying, staining Harry's front door with blood. Trust me, Harry was more than a bit ticked off. Then she came back to life and continued the Journey of the Sue. With an agonized groan, she gripped the doorknocker and...believe it or not, KNOCKED. Gasp!

CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

THESE WOOUUUUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAAAAL

CRAWLING IN MY SKIINN!

The door opened. Harry Potter (OMG HARRY! HE'S AT HARRY POTTER'S HOUSE! OMGEEEE!) stuck his head out. "Who is it?" he asked. The girl could not answer, for she had already fainted sexily and gothically from exhaustion. Harry could tell she was an orphan (How? He's Gary Stu, duh! They recognize their own kind!). He knew what it was liked to be unwanted, shunned by a cruel, uncaring world. CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIN! He and Ginny had found out from the doctor last week that they would never have a child because Ginny's all morbid like dat and shit. This girl could be the answer to their prayers, since Harry had always DREAMED of being a daddy. He bent to pick up the limp body. As he cradled her in his arms, Harry whispered, "You shall be my daughter. And your name shall be...Princess Sparklepuff Caitlin Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way Maarrriaea Suuiuseannie..."

9 years later, so that Mary Sue can have some boobs and stuff

On another day, Harry would have gone flying or walked the dog. Instead, he was getting into his car, trying to prepare for the next year of teaching at Hogwarts (OMG HOGWARTS IS SO KAWAII!11). He threw his bags into the trunk of his black sports car (BTW, it has ALL WHITE LEATHER INTERIOR BECAUSE MONEY'S NEVER AN OBJECT IN THIS! Soooooooooo sexy!1) and brushed back some raven strands of his hair from sparkling animu kawaii desu emerald eyes. Years of playing Quidditch on the side had made his body rock-hard toned, because everyone wants to think about the DAD in the story that way. Years ago, he had considered switiching his geeky glasses for contacts that made his eyes red and kawaii, but the media had discouraged any image changes, since Harry had always been interested in what the media thought.

Blah, blah, no one cares about Ginny, let's skip to the others.

Princess Sue nodded sagely and wisely (when I think of wisdom, I think of three people: King David, Aristotle, and Princess Sue). "I see." She opened her mouth and sang in kawaii clear tones that amazed everyone:

"Why do we lose the ones we love CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

Only to see them as angels THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL

Glowing with celestial light CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

The bright dawn of love CRAWLING IN MY SKIN."

Harry wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and whispered, "That was so kawaii and beautiful. Thank you from the bottom of my di - heart, Princess Sue."

"ANYTHING for you, father," she murmured back, winking and licking her lips suggestively. Over the past nine years, she'd grown into a wonderfully caring and kawaii and sparkling fifteen-year-old. Harry almost wished...but no. He could never think that, unless it was Princess Sue. Stus and Sues were starting to interbreed to preserve the amazingness of their genes.

"So, you're talking your Popularity Contest So-Called Intelligence Tests this year," Harry said, changing the subject. "Are you nervous?"

"Of course not!" Princess Sue replied. It was true; Princess Sue had nothing to worry about when it came to school or her PCSCITs. All of her professors loved her. Even Snape!

"Oh, Princess Sue, you're the best daughter ever," Harry sighed.

Later

A few hours /later/, Princess Sue was on the Hogwarts Express. Her dad had left her ALL ALONE OMG SHE'S ABANDONED to talk to her friends. She was in a compartment with her fellow Gryffindors who were far outdazzled by her, Ian and Chuck.

Although Ian and Chuck were twin brothers, they were different. Ian was ugly and smart and wore glasses. Meanwhile, Chuck was ugly and stupid and did not wear glasses.

"So what did you do during the summer?" Princess Sue asked the boys.

"Well, I memorized the dictionary," Ian said uglily and smartly.

"Potato!" Chuck said uglily and stupidly.

They each starting about how they were both frogs but they were different.

"I had...dreams," she said mysteriously, stopping ther singing in its tracks. "They were meaningful and Sueish!"

TO BE CONTINUED.
DrakosGurl616 chapter 1 . 6/20/2010
Wow. Just...wow. I had almost forgotten about this, up until I received a review email today. Alright, alright, I'm going to come clean. I posted this back in high school on a dare, partially out of curiosity to see how many people would call troll. For the most part, I'm pretty satisfied. Good job, people! The internet is not completely full of idiots. For those who did not call troll...oh, how I weep, that either you:

a) thought I was writing this in earnest. The fact that your expectations have been lowered so far says terrible things about the quality of most Harry Potter fanfiction.

b) thought this was good, or even passable, fiction. There was only one fake reviewer involved in this mess, and she should be fairly easy to spot. The people who fall into this category...please, please, I beg of you, read better fiction. Not Twilight, not Eragon, but good, honest fiction that will build your vocabulary and allow you to live vicariously through well-crafted characters.

Back when I was writing this story, my friends and I came up with as many awful, crazy plot twists and fanfiction cliches that we could think of for this awful wreck of a story. I had a lot planned (a demon baby rampage, for one thing), but unfortunately I won't be continuing it. Adios, Internet. Hope I brought you some giggles.
Singer in White chapter 6 . 6/20/2010
Um...o_O

Why hello thar textbook TROLL, how lovely to meet you! I was just oh-so-torn between laughing and cringing from the incest that I just...wow. Man oh man.

*slow golf clap for the troll*
dartagan chapter 1 . 6/19/2010
Oh Harry, you poor, poor bastard. Even you Draco, didn't deserve this...

THIS STORY SUCKS A PURPLE ****

UNSPACE THIS LINK TO FIND OUT WHY YOUR SOTRY SUCKS LIKE HELL! : / / . / . h t m l
Illya Kuryakin chapter 5 . 11/10/2009
MY F*ING GOD

MARY SUE ANYONE?

Please do not continue, i fear it will destroy the world.
Yes chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
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Jahera chapter 6 . 7/17/2009
First of all, wtf.

I'm going to assume that this is a parody, because it's so utterly ridiculous that the universe would break if it weren't.

Harry in love with his daughter?

His daughter in love with a teacher, Draco Malfoy?

HARRY in love with DRACO?

It's almost like a love triangle except it's a giant black hole of LOLZ.

Apart from that, I'm afraid the poetry needs revising. It didn't even make me want to kill myself.
rizriz chapter 1 . 11/24/2008
What the hell, FAIL.
Shinzen chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
Troll in the Dungeon.

Thought you ought to know.

Also, Epic Win.

if (troll / 1)

then {

an hero;

Return 0;}

else {lulz}.
Rosalinestrife chapter 6 . 5/27/2008
I award you 900 internets. Thank you for making my morning
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