|Reviews for Hunted Species|
| Vigatus chapter 37 . 2/2
Thanks for updating.
| tiedwithribbons chapter 37 . 1/31
Motormaster and Galvatron? Now THAT I gotta see!
Peace with the Salonians? *Pfftt* Yeah, right.
And more Cyclonus/Nightbird Ship Tease, I see!
By the way, this may not be the best time to ask, but...are you gonna write that sequel to To What Subservience Leads after you finish Hunted Species? Because I, for one, would REALLY like to know what those personalities are planning, and if the Autobots are gonna find out that Ratchet's an unknowing spy.
| Curious1here chapter 7 . 1/16
Oh so many secrets circulating this chapter. Cool.
| Curious1here chapter 6 . 1/16
What a nasty virus. Hope Starscream makes it.
Very interesting to see the interpersonal relationships in all this.
| Curious1here chapter 3 . 1/16
Hmm. Rodimus...Prime? Now I am curious as to how he got that title.
Oh no... it really was Armageddon. Earth trashed, Cybertron gone, and what else. Good gosh.
Interesting watching Optimus come to grips with the present and past and do what's best for the future.
| Curious1here chapter 2 . 1/16
Aww... damn... that's just brutal at the end. But very interesting.
| Curious1here chapter 1 . 1/16
Oh my... such tension. Will be interesting to see what happens next.
| Guest chapter 36 . 12/29/2015
Yessss! thank you so much! i missed this a lot!
| TheDreadPirateCat chapter 36 . 12/31/2015
Oh my gosh you updated
I admit I just went back and re-read this whole fic to understand what was going on, theres so much going on, good job on the character and world building
But that cliff hanger is so evil, poor Elita :(
| Vigatus chapter 36 . 12/30/2015
Thanks for updating the story.
| a1andb2 chapter 36 . 12/28/2015
Thank you.I happy u back.
| tiedwithribbons chapter 36 . 12/28/2015
YYYAAAHHHOOOOOOOOO! An update at long last! And I havta say, judging by this chapter, it was worth the wait!
I'm SO looking forward to the ending! Only, please, try not to take so long this time. Please?
| The Fox Familiar chapter 8 . 2/26/2015
We’ve reached the end and now I’ll offer my whole two cents.
Congratulations: you’ve managed to get every single character OOC. In case you didn’t realize that, you shoe-horned all of them into a single entity. None of them had their own voice and they all had a teenage, emo-tastic modus operandi in which they needed other people to do the work for them. Starscream is a bigger bitch than usual, Megatron is the ‘I hate you but I love you but I hate you’ dead beat dad who, for some reason, can’t do things on his own, Galvatron – who is the upgraded version of Megatron – is his brother and goes ‘Mwahaha’ because that makes him evil, or something.
The plot has to be one of the most ridiculous ones I’ve seen in a while. It was a clear rip-off of popular anime like Evangelion, and I saw some Star Wars in there. The Stalkers of the Salami Empire are supposed to be a threat, yet they never were. You wrote that null rays could destroy their shields, but never used it in the story. There were quite a few battles, but they were not interesting and I could breeze through them without forgetting anything. A majority of the story is about a domestic, blissful future marriage that is supposed to show how gay people in the form of robots are just as equal as everyone else. But in doing so, no one was in character and it was painful to read most of the time.
The story was awful. There were no logical connections and the twists make M. Night Shyamalan look like a pure genius. No one was surprised at any of the twists, save your idiotic, sheep-like readers. Your beta has done a great job in doing nothing to improve your work, as betas are supposed to do. Yes, I am aware that you are French and English is not your native language, so what you do is get someone who is, or a bilingual beta, to help you with translation. Then, you need a good editor to tell you what and where you’re going wrong. As no one did, this clusterfuck managed to take off and continue to crash and burn with every passing paragraph.
It is easily forgettable and not worth reading. If I cannot be bothered to read the entire thing word for word, you have failed. There’s no intrigue. There’s no staying true to the characters or creating a story anyone can enjoy. You created a horribly flawed story in which female characters are belittled (how misogynistic of you) and male characters are made female implicitly. When you write a male character having ‘narrow waists’, big chests, and ‘beautiful faces’, you are making them female. You might be too dense to notice this, but as I have a knack for paying attention to detail, this is an automatic red flag. It shows, without a doubt, that the authoress has shoved her vagina where it shouldn’t belong. I don’t care if you’re a female author; I care if you’re good.
So far, you’ve made me not give a damn about anyone or anything. The antagonists were ripped out of your favourite shows because you couldn’t be compelled to write your own, and honestly? I don’t think you ARE capable of anything original in the written form. A damn shame, because your photography isn’t too bad.
You forget what happens in your own story, and that is one of the worst things a writer can do. The worst is them sucking and their betas/editors not being honest with them. I am here to fix that.
Needless to say, TVTropes shouldn’t have recommended you under its fic recs. They lied. But I’m here to tell the truth. And the truth is, you’re not a good writer. You can’t keep characters in character. You can’t be consistent or logical with your story lines and plots. There are no underlying themes or messages found in this work. The attempt at romance was ridiculous and laughable. You cannot convince any serious reader with your blabber. You didn’t with me.
Use of literary terms: Fail
Tact and Grace: Fail.
You’ve been flamed, honey buns. It’s better if you up and left writing altogether. Ordinary people should be spared such filth.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 7 . 2/26/2015
“It smells like the Decepticons are plotting something” – No shit, Sherlock. None of us could tell.
“He’s overreacting, he’s delirious, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing” – In which the author describes herself.
“You’re as childish as Starscream, do you know that?” – In which the author describes her own story.
“I don’t care about the Decepticon Army’s Glory!” – In which the author states the obvious and where Starscream shows his OOCness to the max.
“I’m not stupid enough to lead us into a deadly trap” – Except that he is, and he does. Every action he has done up to now has been utterly stupid.
“Don’t teach your grandmother to suck eggs!” – Wat. BTW where did Ironhide come from? Lol.
“It looks like the Decepticons open their warrior’s mind and spark to the concept of compassion and love” – Except that they don’t...? Le sigh.
“He doesn’t think we’re expandable anymore” - *Expendable. Anyways, this Megatron isn’t the real Megatron, and is good at grabbing Starscream’s hand and leading him through everything because he’s a useless whore and who doesn’t need a strong pimp hand? Sorry, got off track there.
By the way, what happened to Soundwave’s secret identity? The Earth resistance? Thanatron’s piss-drunk mother? The actual villains? Who has time for the Insecticons and some sarcophagus that no one gives two damns about?
When you introduce a new idea into a story, you need to do a thing called EXPLAINING. If you don’t, you are making plot holes. Which you have a lot of.
“Megatron is a good leader after all.” – Except in this story he hasn’t proved he is one. Lol.
“It has destroyed his self-confidence” – So any hit from an Insecticon makes the victim an emo-cutter who listens to Death Cab for Cutie on the weekends. Makes perfect sense.
“You won’t even understand what hit you!” – I sure don’t. What the Hell happened?
I thought Thanatron was Darkracer’s son. Now he’s Nyxerys’ son. Does he have two mommies, or...? Make up your mind.
Dark Nebula sounds like an emo rock band. He created a ‘star virus’ that killed ‘hundreds of mechs’, which really isn’t a lot. He’s Machiavellian (again, I highly doubt you even know who he is, let alone his ideals), and he’s the token Evil Scientist. Who is he, again? Oh, right. They’re going to do some Evil Things.
Who the fuck is Kraken? A guy from Doctor Who?
Oh noez. They’re going to kidnap Elita One! THE HORROR!
Galvatron jokes about sleeping with his nephew. Uh...wincest?
“As stiff as poles behind a desk” – Subliminal sexuality, haha.
“You’re really starting to get on my nerve” – In which the author describes what I’m feeling.
What, did Megatron’s dick get shot off in the war and he has to get it reattached for the marriage ceremony? That makes total sense. I’m totally head over heels for this.
“What are you doing here, bunny head?” – Wat.
“Then...Burn me!” – Gladly, fraulein.
“Bit viciously into an energon pipe” – Ouch. What, is he trying to kill him? What a zombie move.
“His lips worshipped the jaws of the Seeker” – Awesome. Can I get a Bible on that?
“Shrill and erratic cries of pleasure” – Drink.
“Moaning loudly his pleasure” – Drink.
I didn’t know Cybertronian sparks were lava lamps. I’m in the Psychedelic ‘70’s now.
“Buried himself in Starscream’s warm tightness” – Female centrism. Does his vagina change colour, too?
“I was pondering about my last failure” – In which the author describes her own work.
“Nothing hurts like the truth!” – Indeed.
“Staring at him with a horny look in the optics” – Well that explains everything.
“You’re an idiotic moron!” – ‘Idiot’ and ‘moron’ is the same thing. I’m reminded of ‘My Immortal’s Voldemort: ‘You moronic idiots!’ Except there is no one shooting angstily.
‘Machiavellian smile’? Okay...
Thundercracker? Prone to loneliness and depression? Oh, here we go.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 6 . 2/26/2015
Thanatron is responsible for the death of his family despite you writing Megatron was responsible. You write that he was also responsible for putting the virus in Starscream though the actual cause and effect of it was never fully explained. He was just kidnapped, almost tentacle raped and had it inserted in him. You never bothered to explain this thoroughly so we readers haven’t a fucking clue what is going on. Sane readers, at least. Most are too busy lapping it up.
Boo hoo, Thanatron killed Starscream’s family and he has a dark cloud over his head. My optics are leaking lubricants. (Thank you, Breakdown.)
Seriously. Who cares? This is the most overused and cheapest tactic a writer uses, ever. It doesn’t even work. I suppose that since every character speaks with the same voice and there are too many to actually leave a lasting impression, it works because everyone is the exact same teenage girl who didn’t get a pretty pony for her Sweet Sixteen.
“He felt no emotion towards his offspring” – What a douchebag. Sounds like a typical dead beat dad.
“They’re setting me up for Shootingstar’s murder!” – Who cares? Megatron has done worse things in his life, and so has Shockwave. Shootingstar is a useless character and no one cares if he’s dead. Starscream doesn’t need him to make his own decisions. You pretty much made him the attention starved brat that whines because he didn’t get a pretty pony for his Sweet Sixteen.
“He harboured a grudge towards Shockwave for joining his nemesis” – Huh? Why? Shockwave, as I’ve said before, obeys logic. He only does things in the most practical way. What you did to Soundwave is even worse. He has some secret he’s been hiding from Megatron because he’s some rebel or some shit, and not at all the loyal, bone-chilling Decepticon we know him as. I have no idea who this prick is. Some Jimmy Dean rip-off, maybe? A bad Johnny Bravo?
“Oh, stop this hypocrisy!” – In which the author admits her own mistakes.
“Skywarp cursed his mate for being so seductive towards the Decepticon leader” – Female centrism again.
“Megatron didn’t consider him his berth-mate...he wanted him as a partner for life” – Except nothing he has ever done in the past would suggest that any emotion towards one or the other is wholesome.
“..Making himself comfortable as if he were on a romantic date” – Stop. Stop this now.
“They were witnessing a turning in Decepticon history” – A reference to the referendums on gay marriage? Seriously. They are being overrun and attacked. There are no small victories, and yet they are celebrating a gay marriage between Sir Asshole and Suspender Striptease.
They are all wonderfully brilliant.
“Megatron is preparing a coup!” – Fucking why? I thought they allied with each other so they could fight the Stalkers. Hell, you wrote IN THE BEGINNING that there were no factions anymore because Cybertron was destroyed.
Fucking plot holes. How do they work?
Megatron is not amoral. He’s immoral. Amoral means without any set of moral codes. Megatron does have morals, but they’re corrupted. Would help if you picked up a dictionary sometime, would it?
“A powerful wolf among a pack of enraged wolves” – This is a retarded metaphor. A pack of ‘enraged wolves’ is as good as a rabid pack of them. There’s no unity between them. How the fuck would Thanatron would know what wolves are, anyway?
“Rather plebeian manners” – Fucking plebs. How do they work?
“Thanatron is dangerous” – No, he isn’t. He’s a mamma’s boy that didn’t get that pretty pony for his Sweet Sixteen.
“I’m nothing but a failure!” – In which the author describes her own story.
Starscream does some more wrist cutting and Megatron comforts him. This has as much emotional appeal and interest as Twilight.
Oh, I went there. I know you dumbasses absolutely HATE to be compared to anything related to Twilight. Here’s the thing: Twilight manages to do it better than this. Feel the burn yet?
“Take it easy. We’re not in a hurry” – Through the ENTIRE STORY you’ve written that EARTH IS BEING INVADED by Stalkers and that Cybertronians are under assault. You say that they can all ‘take it easy’? Wow. These Stalkers have to be some pretty shitty villains, or the author doesn’t understand something called CATASTROPHE.
Goddammit. Open your ears.
“You’ve done nothing to repel me except whine” – In which the author explains how much she sucks at writing characters.
“So Arcee likes idiots? I guess I have my chances then” – In which the author makes the token female character a subject of objectification and makes her more of a man than any other male character.
“I have the right to have somebody in my berth for one night!” – He could have just asked Suspender Striptease; after all, that guy can’t stop sucking robo-testicles like they’re jube jubes.
Darkracer is a drunk and Elita One is there. There’s all this crappy foreshadowing on things that should have been solved already. I can’t wait to get this over with.
“The result was like that if he threw a tantrum” – In which the author describes Starscream’s behaviour.
Retorted laconically. That’s a new one. Laconic means: ‘very few words’. Yet Galvatron likes to be campy and go Mwahaha every five minutes. How evil of him.
“Is there something wrong with Starscream?” – In which the author asks what the fuck is wrong with her portrayal of characters.
“Screamer, for Spark’s sake, stop crying!” – In which Skywarp says what the whole audience is thinking.
Whenever some major event happens, I am left wriggling my eyebrows. The Insecticons attack, despite them being under Decepticon control, and there is more emphasis on Starscream’s and Megatron’s domestic issues than there is on things actually related to the story. It’s clear this was your main intent, and since you didn’t know how to write anything else, proceeded to write long screeds on emotional toil and other crap that doesn’t resonate to people who’d read entries on real-world suffering, in real time. The plot twists are childishly simple, and you outright abandon major events because you want to write Megatron and Starscream doing the dirty.
If I was your beta, I’d throw this entire thing in the trash. The one thing worse than a bad story is a beta who didn’t stop the story from progressing. Bad editors make bad stories worse. It’s us flamers who eventually pick up the pieces.