|Reviews for First Night Jitters On BunnyMoon Night|
| tsubasawoharu chapter 1 . 7/24/2007
Okay...WHAT IS THIS?
First off, you can't of picked a crappier pairing to write this kind of scene about. The fact that you even tried to put these two characters in a bed together is simply appaling. What are you thinking? Reading your profile, I can see you are no stranger to really creepy pairings, but WOW. Just Wow.
Second, This has to be one of the worst written fanfics that I've ever read. You try to get into a plot, and just as you start to barely scratch the surface, they've already gone all the way. It made me want to scroll back, because I was thinking, "Err...did I miss something here?" If you want to include this pairing *shiver* in fanfiction, please make it at least bareable to read. It makes me cringe every time I even look back at your writing. JEEZ! TAKE A WRITING CLASS!
Then there is the sex. Just PLEASE. It made me want to kill myself. Or not even watch Foster's at all! And trust me, that would take A LOT to do. But you did it. It made me feel empty inside. I might not even be able to watch another episode with Frankie and Herriman together. Just because they er...'Ride' each other doesn't make this a very well developed smut scene.
So, as I leave you with this, I hope you will take into consideration that I am about to throw up, and all the rest of the people who read your story probably did too. Just go crawl into a hole or something. You sick crazy person.
| Ame no Chikara chapter 1 . 7/24/2007
Okay... I thought "Okay- what is the allure of this pairing as it seems to run rampantly on these boards... and how could one write a rated M fic for this pairing?" Well... I clicked on your story and I read it.
Your story, first of all, is poorly strung together. There is hardly even potential for plot- in which is understandable, as it seems to be smut. The thing is, you make it look like you tried to go for plot... you missed the mark. What you hit was some weird combination of murdering a sex scene in the middle of a poor set-up.
As for your smut (in which, I suppose, is supposed to be the focal point of the story)... Well... it seems to me that you've never even read a scene of the sort. Just throwing around naughty words and putting in some lingerie doesn't make a sex scene. It sounds so stoic to say "she was intrigued by his package so she rode him for a while. " That's not a sex scene. It's actually revolting to put it in language of the sort.
Apart from the pairing being kind of creepy, this fic made me laugh more than anything else. I hope you find my comments useful for future fanfiction.
| Zero Nova C chapter 1 . 6/23/2006
Congrtulations but there are a 100 of theese stories and 98 of them are yours!
| Amalockh chapter 1 . 6/15/2006
Once again, great sexy story between Frankie and Mr. Herriman.
Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you that I am also working on a SUPER SEXY FANFIC betwen Frankie and Herriman. I'll let you know when I post it.
The sexy fanfic is called, "Unhinge."