Reviews for The Bleeding Conscience
King chapter 3 . 10/22/2014
Wait what? Her nose was long? Pinocchio?
SeptemberSkies chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
i'm sorry to say this, but you story lacks an element of interest

i strated reading, but i couldn't really get interested in it, i fee like it would be benificial for you to

a)go back through each chapter and fix them up a bit

or

b)get a Beta reader, I'm sure they would be willing to read through chapters that are already posted and any chapters that may come in the future

i myself would be happy to beta your story if you want me to
Lora chapter 6 . 4/11/2008
Its not badly written but would YOU really tell Hisoka WHERE your nearest and dearest were! I think there should be more of struggle when they meet and while the OC's speech could be improved she speaks and thinks like a normal person which is very strange but not very interesting in the hunterxhunter world.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chapter 6 . 2/28/2008
teenage complex? I thought she was 24?
D chapter 3 . 2/28/2008
I urge you not to make such a perfect girl. Its to cleche for anyone to be perfect. When was the last time you saw someone in reality (and maybe some animes) that were dead on perfect and basickly dressed like a slut? and I don't mean the prettyifull drawings I mean a real moveing anime. hm! Well thats the best critism I can give.
Carmen Willious Dorman chapter 1 . 11/9/2007
I like this description of his feelings. It's not creepy, like I expected. :)

Lovely work!
moonxxdark chapter 6 . 7/16/2007
Alright, so Hisoka is a little out of character, but that's ok. I personally know just how hard it is to keep someone in character, so as long as you're trying your best that's what counts.

On a more positive note, I'm really enjoying this, and I hope you keep writing. Oh, and the rating is correct. M ratings are pretty much only if you're going to have explicit sexual scenes or extremely bad violence (like and R movie vs. PG13). A little ear licking, etc. is T. Ok, I have a bad habit for making reviews too long. Sorry!
moonxxdark chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
This was a very short chapter, but it seems very interesting so far. Normally, I don't review on the first chapter of a story if there are already more chapters up, but I felt the need to this time. I read the review written by Yomi, and I have to say I disagree almost completely.

I don't think Hisoka is out of character. No one really knows exactly what goes on in Hisoka's head, so it's quite possible that he could go sit by a river and reminisce. In fact, there are more than one time throughout the series that he goes off by himself somewhere like that. Also, I can very easily imagine Hisoka being envious of Gon, Kurapica, and etc. You suggest that Gon's personality and friendships make Hisoka desire a "normal" life. AKA, he wants to be someone who goes to hang out with a group of close friends, just for the sake of hanging out, and not because he's bored or they are going to kill someone. It would explain Hisoka's obsession with Gon in a way other than suggesting he is gay or a pervert.

I also liked your choice of words. How you word many of your sentences makes it sound like things that are going through Hisoka's mind, and gives me the impression that I am reading through Hisoka's eyes. Some of your sentences were a bit choppy, but I can't really talk, because I'm certainly not the world's greatest writer.

Anyways, I really like this fic so far, and I plan to go read the other chapters now. Sorry about the super long review. I just felt it was necessary. _
sailor aidos chapter 6 . 1/11/2007
I haven't checked this fic again for a long, long time, sorry about that. I was a little disappointed that Hisoka's love interest was an OC. I have nothing against OCs or Mary Sues, it's just that I can't picture the character for the simple reason that he/she isn't part of that anime world. Add to that is the extra background of that OC (in this case, Adrianna) which I'm having a hard time processing _.

Hisoka (who will always be my own true anime love har, har) is also quite OOC. Actually, that's fine since some fics, including mine, usually portray HxH characters as OOC (hehehe). However, since you're already using an OC and Hisoka is OOC (gosh, those abbreviations!), for me, it's like I'm reading about another anime fanfic altogether.

But, I do admire your creativity for producing this fic. And I would love to see you write another Hisoka romance fic, hopefully with a non-OC. _ But hey, I know others like pairings with OCs so continue writing this one.
AngelofElements chapter 6 . 10/27/2006
Sorry I didn't review earlier! I just got the message that the fic was updated about ten minutes ago. :p

ANYHOW, I'm liking how the plot's developing. You really want to know what the heck's going on with her sisters ect. . But what happened with the teenage complex thing? I must know!

Just a quick note: Be really careful when dealing with teenage trauma. It's hard to work with. Though I don't doubt your abilites, it's a good idea to go back through and make sure that it doesn't get too weepy/unbelievable.
o0o I shall rule the world o0o bow down before me o0o chapter 6 . 10/24/2006
Here I am,up in the morning with no parent, brothers, or sister to pest and annoy me with their unnecessery chatter. This meaning I am free to do about my business, for constructive critism and the down of others- er- I mean the helping of others. o_o Warning: absolutely no mercy whatsoever.

-

-

-

Like I said in my past reviews, Hisoka is tad too ooc. In this case, that is an understatement. Our favorite derranged clown is WAY occ. As much as I like to tell you that ten or so fanfiction has it worse, It cannot be used as an excuse or justification.

-

-

-

How to improve Hisoka's character?

Well..

Playfulness- Hisoka is playful, and you got that down by the way, but he's a to childish. He's could be playful, but it has to be teasingly, seductevely, and more secretely playful.

-

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Hisoka said from between his laughs.

-

Hisoka can say that, but he would want to pin someone down (not that this mesage is not to be mistaken literally)

-

-

-

-

Realism- The way they, it no very realistic. You use to much exclamation marks. How their mind leads them to something... it's just not natural.

-

-

-

Hopefully, this doesn't arise ANY kind of frustration, because nobody should. We will all improve (like how I improve with every book I read). Hopefully this helps, but if the advice about Hisoka doesn't, you might want ask some other authors.

((coughs))Yomi((coughs)). I shall await for your updates.

-

-

-

Have a nice day,

~Ms. Deveza.
dimension guardian chapter 6 . 10/23/2006
Another chapter please, hisoka is so cool and i want to know why they fear their sister!

P.S: GO HISOKA!
angge efay chapter 6 . 10/22/2006
wah...

nice one!

hisoka is just so... pervert.!

hehehe!

hoping for the nxt chapter!

_
Angelis023 chapter 6 . 10/22/2006
woohoo! finally the 4th chappie _

it's a good one but too short...make it longer!

i'm really happy 4 u...

now, move ur lazu butt and go finish the next chappie...

goodluck _V
o0o I shall rule the world o0o bow down before me o0o chapter 5 . 10/15/2006
Good afternoon to you,

Unfortunately, right now, I have very little time to type out this review. Please forgive me if your not pleased with the fact that I cannot give you the support with constructive critism for this chapter. Please understand.

So the least I can do is to tell you this one thing I have been wanting to tell you... I will look forward to your next chapter, In hopes of helping you into making this a succesful story.

-Ms. Deveza
33 | Page 1 .. Last Next »