|Reviews for Walking a New Path Part One: A New Life|
| Souen11 chapter 19 . 9/21
So this will be my final review having just read up to and including the meeting with Ginny in part two.
I was enjoying the story up to your first 8 year time skip.
Even after that Siri hasn't been mentioned. Indeed by the time Harry meets Ginny again close to, I think it was 16 years had passed. In all that time we haven't seen him spent any time thinking about her. Asking himself how she was doing etc. He apparently expects to return to earth and Ginny to have waited for him. What's worse is that apprently Ginny did exactly that, she waited 16 years to resume a relationship that couldn't have been older than 1 and a half years by the time Harry left.
In all that time, there is still no interaction shown between Siri and Obi Wan, there is still no further fleshing out of the background. You keep throwing out names of people Masters/Chancellors etc expecting me to know them all or to look them up. Without giving me a bare discription of them. (clothes/hair color or even at times facial expressions are missing) Most of the time I'm forced to rely on my own imagination to set myself a scene because you don't do it. No description of the scene, nothing about where they are or what's around.
You did exeptionally well in handling intercharacter relationships. Harry and Anakin are a prime example of good writing on your part. Harry and Mace are also an excellent example of Master/Padawan. I also really enjoyed your explanations of the jedi code. And I agree, the old code makes a lot more sense than the new.
But then there are things like Harry meeting Ginny and she rounds on him like a damn Harpy. Like for 16 years she's waited to give him a piece of her mind about him leaving, and he lets her? That's pathetic on both sides.
You have people like Shaak Ti who are completly missing from any Jedi interactions. While Anakins best friend gets more screen time than Kenobis supposed future girlfriend. They all life at the temple, would it be so difficult to mention that Harry sees them talking? Likewise it's hard to believe that in all those years not one of the females around the academy have shown an interest or tried to persue a relationship with Harry.
It feels like the romantic relationships in story will happen because you want them to happen. Instead of natural progression and the characters falling in love.
I'm nearly 30 years old now, If you were to put someone in front of me i knew when i was 14? I likely would have trouble recognizing them, even if i did... even people i considered friends back then but haven't seen since? To assume or even expect that after 16 years we are still the same we were then, and would pick up where we left off is naive to the highest degree.
This story has a lot of potential, and while it's obvious that you've done your research and know your Star Wars Lore, I'd have preferred more backstory for me to read. Both on Earth and the HP background you use in this, as well as the Jedi Order, Republic etc.
I hope you might find some of points helpful in your future writing.
| Souen11 chapter 8 . 9/20
Still going strong. Unique Light saber design is a definite plus. Interesting to see you use his scar as a Dark Side detector. Although it might help if you defined what 'your' dark side means. Personally I think that the less you assume the reader knows previous to reading your story, the better it will be. Especially considering 'core mechanics' like the Light and Dark side.
The main negative thing I've found in the past few chapters is that Harry has little to no contact with other Padawans or indeed Order members in general. You have a pretty set group of characters 'in' the story. But seem to be forgetting that the world around them, and the people in it need to be fleshed out too.
| Souen11 chapter 3 . 9/20
Much better, from the beginning of this chapter the story was flowing nicely. Liked the interactions between the council and how they were careful because of Harrys previous history with mind magics.
In my opinion the story would already be much better if you just took away the first two chapters and simply did something along the line of: 'Harry was thrown through the veil and stumbled out of a mealstrom of magic on Coruscant at the end of fifth year.' or 'During a duel the brother wands reacted, an explosion of magic occured, Harry woke up being cared for by the Jedi. Could be started any year, seventh if you want him to be 17.'
A small paragraph of backstory would be enough to make that half way believable. Especially since you then have no problem once he finds a way to return to Earth. He can hook up with Ginny, the way you seem to have planned, or just reconnect with friends and family in general.
| Souen11 chapter 2 . 9/20
So far it's a really weak start.
There's a lot of weird things happening. Including Voldys defeat that honestly feels like you just went: "Let's get this over with so I can write about Star Wars."
So if he's 17 that means he was thrown into Azkaban in his seventh year? So no Horcrux hunt? If that's the case where did the 'tell Ginny I love her' thing come from? Changing backstory is fine but please tell me as the reader about what you've changed so I can actually follow your train of thought.
| Souen11 chapter 1 . 9/20
So that start with Hermione getting killed and Harry being thrown away like that needs a moment to settle in. Please don't try to shove the forgiveness for all shit down my throat a couple of chapters from now.
| C4pric0rn18 chapter 7 . 7/30
could you describe what harry's lightstaff looks like so everyone doesn't have to think about darth maul's lightsaber that can switch from metal blades to regular lightsaber blades?
| Karou WindStalker chapter 18 . 7/26
| darkemaiden chapter 19 . 7/15
I absolutely loved this crossover. I use a fanfiction app for Android that doesn't allow me to review stories, so I had to look it up on here. When I looked up your profile, I was very pleased to see that you finished this series. So many fanfiction authors who wrote their first book in a series as long ago as you did leave the series unfinished. And that is always so disappointing to me. I liked the way Harry dealt with Darth Maul. He was respectful to the last. I liked everything about this story.
| Aion27 chapter 16 . 5/28
I know that you will never see this and that this story is finished but I just want to say that I love the way you did that. You have already started to lead Anakin closer to the light since he isn't going to be resentful to the Council for rejecting him the first time.
| Monster King chapter 19 . 3/20
Great story I really liked it good job writing the story.
| kyoshi711 chapter 8 . 12/29/2017
Story is really slow but I'm hoping it gets more interesting. Is Harry going to have a girlfriend?
| motor1977 chapter 1 . 8/8/2017
I'm sorry I've read too many good stories to even consider this half way decent. First the reason for not using veritusirum , I'm sorry using truth potion on a minor could hurt them so we're just going to send you to askaban, Also Star Wars is a movie in this work and real that completely unlikely. And finally your grammar and the way you tell your story makes me think you a grade school drop out. I will not be reading more.
| Guest chapter 19 . 6/9/2017
What happy to Ginny
| PLEASE READ ME chapter 12 . 6/8/2017
Wouldn't it be easier for Harry to go back to earth to pic up the star wars movie's to show the pre movie's Jedi console what would possibly happen.
| injustice.leauge chapter 1 . 11/20/2016