|Reviews for Vanimle sila tiri|
| ScarletFighter chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
i was not confused, you said she dreamed about him. Did she really cry out? Did he hear her? That would be humiliating, embaressing...and funny. Was he dreaming about her?
| Manwathiel chapter 1 . 6/24/2006
Well... it is a start.
First off, you really need to check over your work before posting. You must have used about ten commas the whole chapter. I suggest hiring a beta reader, if you can find a decent one.
Secondly, Legolas's response of "A few days." to Uruviel's question was incorrect. The Fellowship were actually there for a little less than a month. They arrived the 17th of January and departed the 16th of February. It is only a little mistake, though it might be wise to correct it. ;)
And most importantly... what in the world was going on with Uruviel? She has spoken with Legolas for two seconds and suddenly, she's having about him? It is your story, you can do whatever you want, but I just found it very odd. Have you read Morgoth's Ring? That will give you a nice supply of information regarding the courtship customs of the Eldar. It is very useful, actually. It helped me very much.
Also, I sort of twitched at Unya calling Galadriel "weird". Considering the culture of the elves, it just seems that "weird" is not something that they would use, term-wise. Besides, the elves held Galadriel in high regard- I don't think they would call her "weird". :P
Alright, that is about all I have to say. Please, I am not trying to flame you, just deal out some constructive critism. This story has a lot of potential, and can be even better if some thought is put into it. Keep writing, and I'll keep checking in. ;)
By the way, what does the title mean? After translating it, I found that it meant something like "To thee, he shines white". Was that your intention? If so, I like it. _
| brownie24 chapter 1 . 6/21/2006
interesting start! update soon!
| Lady Vardainiel chapter 1 . 6/18/2006
hey. i think it's a great story and that you could go a lot of different directions with this. i liked the fact that you didn't tell us she was dreaming until right before you ended that scene...keeps me wondering. but you're a great author and i look forward to your (hopefully) continuous updates!
| derganey chapter 1 . 6/17/2006
Wow, Sash you've done it again. Amazing story and i can't wait till you put in another chapter.