Reviews for Alone
xSleepxTightx chapter 3 . 2/18/2009
If you're looking for a place to post original fiction, try .
Ragged Claws chapter 5 . 9/21/2006
Um...I'm kinda confused. Are they supposed to be in a part of Fantasia or are they still in the real world and yet to enter it?

The word "Syraus" does sound a little mystic...or is it just one of those New Age names for a town?

I mean, is this is even fan-fiction, and you just haven't got to the point yet...or just some random contribution to a n empty category that you didn't understand the significance of the title of?

Okay story so far though...
shadowangel26 chapter 5 . 7/27/2006
Ok, i hafta give you some credit for being the ONLY writer in this category, way to go!

However, your chapters are a bit on the short side. sometimes short is good, but i think that you could put so much more in this story. other than that, please keep going! this could turn out to be a GREAT story!
ryan chapter 5 . 7/25/2006
I agree with Morii Anaberu; she didn't even seem to feel anything, sadness, regret, nothing, at learning of her mother's death. It makes ashlynn seem emotionless. and why does she trust elie? And if you don't mind my asking, how is this a fanfic for The Neverending Story?

there is a website called where you can post your stories. they don't have to be fanfiction, they can be your own and it's free. i'd say if you gave this story a little more thought and moved it to fictionpress, you might get more encouraging reviews.

just give it some more thought. it has some potential. i would be happy to read more of it. i liked the plot but i would like it more with a little more background! keep trying with this one, don't give up!
Blue Seraph chapter 1 . 7/23/2006
Okay, this will probably be a long review.

First and foremost, this isn't a FanFic. No way. You want for this.

Point two, your chapters are incredibly short. You need to lengthen them out considerably. And you're moving very fast.

Plus, wouldn't Ashlynn be a bit more upset? When you find your mum's died, you don't just shrug and move on. It would take some time I think.

As well, it just feels as though... I'm not sure. As though your sentences lack connection.

And why does she instantly trust Elie? She has no idea who he is, or if she does, you haven't told us.

What do these characters look like? From your story, we don't know. You haven't described Ashlynn whatsoever, or if you have, then I haven't noticed it. What does Elie look like? We don't know anything about him either.

Why does Elie suddenly have to go to Syraus to find his father?

All in all, I think you have a good story here, with decent grammar, but you need to change sites, lengthen the chapters, and add a lot of description and emotion.

Good luck!
Drop Your Oboe chapter 5 . 6/27/2006
Hey, you took the suggestion, I think. Good for you.
Drop Your Oboe chapter 7 . 6/26/2006
You should seriously put the last three chapters together...you write very, er, the best word I can think of is quickly. I can tell it doesn't take you very long to write this, and you can read it quickly...you might want some more detail. Or you might want to ignore me, whatever floats your boat. Though I might put holes in your boat if you ignore me. (Just kidding.)

Sandy
Drop Your Oboe chapter 3 . 6/25/2006
This seems to me like you could put all three of these chapters together...the first two were pretty short, and this last one seems long, but when you read it, it's just, I don't know, missing something.

I think this story has a lot of potential. You're a very good writer, and it's coming out in the story in bits and pieces. Keep writing!

Sandy
lacefine chapter 3 . 6/24/2006
WO! I love this story! Keep it going! Looking forward to chapter 4 :-)