|Reviews for Hidden by the Fox|
| giboh92 chapter 15 . 8/26/2015
| oliver2662 chapter 2 . 12/23/2011
nerd gasom :)
| Sailor Moon1996 chapter 1 . 10/29/2011
so when are you ever going to update this story? ?
| Nargus chapter 8 . 10/13/2010
Yay for illusion demon forms :D
| Nargus chapter 6 . 10/13/2010
ROFL. Quite an accomplishment of Naruto's sexy jutsu there.
| LordRahl80 chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
Book Country relay? a book village maybe but a hole Country devoted to books. this may be a strange thing to comment on but it relay stuck out it just sounds weird still the Ninja’s Guide to Everything is still a nice way to start a story will review more as I read on
| Systatic chapter 4 . 4/25/2009
Your story gets too repetitive after a while and bears too many similarities to your story "Eyes". While the Shinobi Guide was a nice touch, I went through your stories and saw that you often put the italics (that presumably tell a history, side-story, fill-in plot holes, or act as summaries, etc.) at the beginning of each chapter (or close to it). Try to be more original with each story, something that I feel you're sorely lacking. Just because you write one story this way, doesn't mean the other one has to be the same.
Also, you have nins from other countries in there. For example, Yashamaru... wheredid he come from? Did he accompany Gaara? If so, what happened to the hate he harbored for the Vessel of Shukaku? And while we're on that train of thought, how did they acquire Gaara? Haku? Zabuza? Etc. Explain why they are there. Were they offered a spot in the village after a run-in? Maybe something else? You jumped into the story too fast without provided background information.
It kind of seems like you're writing this by the seat of your pants, and it shows. Add more thought into what you write, give the characters flaws (for genin [since I'm not going to read any farther than chapter four] they are horribly overpowered without having proper sensei; you can only learn so much from scrolls), add a bad guy, some emotional turmoil, maybe a fight between the teams that leads to animosity until something happens to resolve it, or a traitor in the village that causes Naruto to lose someone close to him (maybe you can try to resolve the HUGE GLARING PLOT HOLE that is Obito. How the hell is he still alive? Minato [The Yondaime, his full name being Namikaze (surname) Minato (given name)] wasn't Hokage at the time of his death, which means the Sandaime (Sarutobi Hiruzen) was still in power, which means that Orochimaru wasn't Leaf's leader, which leads to the reason that Obito has no reason to be alive at this point.)
Make new techniques for the children-they're too similar to those used in "Eyes" (or vice versa, since that story was written afterwards).
There are so many holes in this story that it's almost painful to read. You have a good idea, but the execution is awful. I mean, why is Naruto's village called the Fox Village or whatever? I don't see a reason for that other than the fact that you were fishing for names and, like many authors, Naruto's connection to Kyuubi killed any original thought.
I don't mean to insulting-I only hope to improve your skill as an author through my CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. So, before any overreactions occur, this is not a flame, but an attempt at helping you tie up loose ends and maybe help you rethink some of your ideas (or get some thought into why things happened the way they did).
If you have any questions or wish for some writing advice/help, I'll be happy to lend a hand. I already tutor several authors on this site, which is part of the reason I've neglected my own stories so horribly. I hardly even write like that anymore. *sigh*
Best of luck,
| LoneFox123 chapter 15 . 4/15/2009
Update your dam* fic you lazy bum
| The First Kitsukage chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
Im a Kage of few words... his name is Minato Namikaze... good starte excepted for that
| eflaomice chapter 15 . 12/30/2008
this story almost hasnt been updated in two years!...but its a great story. it would be a pity to stop updating, cuz most good stories stop and then I have nothing left to read...please update! this is a fascinating story with a unique plot and i really want to read more.
| eflaomice chapter 6 . 12/30/2008
lol i love the guide...
| Serenity Reigns chapter 15 . 11/28/2008
| shadowstorm13 chapter 15 . 8/28/2008
awesome i love your story this rulz plz update soon i love exile stories of almost all kinds
| shanay4 chapter 15 . 8/1/2008
I like this story, you should continue it.
| Mystic 6 tailed Naruto chapter 2 . 7/30/2008
WTF! Orochimaru as the yondaime!