Reviews for Foresaken
JuJu-chan the Vampire chapter 1 . 3/13/2013
OH MY RA THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! [anime waterfall of tears] THEY WERE SO YOUNG . . . . . . . . . . . :D
Guest chapter 1 . 2/15/2013
why would you write something so depressing great now im crying pleez write something more happy next time
p0ma chapter 1 . 11/16/2011
This was really beautiful. I cried! Great job. Not many stories pull at my heartstrings like yours. :)
Aria Azurestone chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
I thought is was okay. Though I will say it could use more detail and appeal better to the emotions.

For example, you could include Joey's dialogue on the phone while calling an ambulance. His sobbing and stuttering adds to the emotional aspect as well as increasing detail of the situation.

Also, it does get a bit annoying to keep reading "the boyfriend" thrice in a sentence. Switch it up a bit.

Hope this was a bit helpful. :)
All Kinds of Awsome chapter 1 . 12/7/2006
V.V you lied! it bit me! jk.

Very good. A heck of a lot better than my first attemt. Good sytle, and your paragraphs are seperated properly. Awesome!
Sakurascorpion19 chapter 1 . 7/23/2006
Oh, how sad...
Gackt-Lover20 chapter 1 . 7/9/2006
Was little simple. I still couldn't understand some thing... But is ok. I like story. I hope write more stories.

Bai Bai!

Maki-chan
Princess Shela chapter 1 . 7/7/2006
Good.
Misura chapter 1 . 7/7/2006
The style you used for this fic was both simple and sober, which worked well to bring out the tragedy of what happened. In the beginning, I must admit that the 'man's, 'boyfriend's and 'he's made the story a little less clear than it might have been - the one disadvantage of wanting to keep people anonymous, I guess. ; As for con crit, well, your style works the way it works, but you might want to consider varying your sentence-buildings (f.e. not always making sentences that run [subject-verb-object-stuff]) and, perhaps, trying to avoid using certain words too often (like 'was' in this ficlet). Those are just things *I* would do though, and as I said, your style worked well for this theme. ;_;