|Reviews for Lost in Thought|
| Yuuri-nyan chapter 1 . 6/24/2011
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(all that babling: OMG THAT WAS JUST WONDERFUL! It was so cute and it was really like them! I enjoyes it very much and hope to read another story about these 2 from you! This just touched my heart and made me squeel with delight! I really hope you continue writing Billy/Teddy! These 2 have recently become my new obsession! 3)
| Tallia chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
Nooooo! You're leaving it just there! Actually, it's really sweet how it is but..but...*twiddles thumbs* you write so well and...and...second chapter?
| PremonitionKing chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
This is So good. I couldn't stop reading it. It was so sweet and romantic like totally "Aww." I would have loved to have seen this go further. A sequal maybe, and Chapter would be great. *Hint* *Hint* I loved that you gave both sides of the story. You wrote with detail. Very good. Cudos.
| Nelja chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
| Mydaya chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
Aw, I love it. It's so cute and we can see their first time. So thank you.
| Mark Ash chapter 1 . 1/6/2008
This was a good story! I especially liked how you portrayed Billy as having rather low self-esteem, which seems only natural given his history in the comics. I have only a few suggestions to make.
First, while you generally differentiate Billy and Teddy's voices, they occasionally collide. Teddy's speech is justifiably portrayed as being more laid back than it is in the comics, which provides an opportunity to make Billy noticeably more formal for dramatic effect. This would help to underline the subtle aloofness Billy might well project after years of being a social outcast. For example, instead of "Huh? Oh! Sorry man I spaced out again," he could say "Huh? Oh! Sorry, I my head was in the clouds again."
Another small problem was that the jump to Teddy's perspective was a little too sudden and jarring. It's obvious by that point that Teddy is coming on to Billy, so didn't seem to further the story either. I think it would strengthen the narrative structure if either the whole story was told from Billy's perspective, or there was a little more back-and-forth between both. The latter could be used to emphasise Billy's silences when he is "lost in thought"; after a particularly long internal monologue, you could switch to Teddy observing him, wondering what Billy is thinking about. Then return to Billy to describe him snapping out of it.
Both of the above suggestions are rather abstract, and you may wish to disregard both of them. However, I can offer some very concrete help: I'm extremely good at correcting spelling and grammar, so if you wish, I could list plenty of corrections, starting with the first word (which should be "It's," not "Its"). But I give you fair warning: it will be a very detailed list, and will cover everything from minor misspellings to comma placement. (I could suggest four changes to the first paragraph, maybe five if I were nit-picking.) Get back to me if you would find this useful.
Oh, and one last, very small suggestion: since the characters are in New York, prefer US slang to UK/Australian English equivalents. For example, "mom" instead of "mum," and "ass" instead of "arse".
Again, this is some good YA fanfic, and I may look forward to more of your writing in the future.
| Char-chan chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
ooh i loved it i loved it! i loved the way you portrayed their personalities and just so cute at all the little touchy parts and embaressed thoughts parts, hehe.
this was wonderful and i hope you will continue! _ we always can do with more TeddyxBilly love
| mundanesociety chapter 1 . 8/10/2007
Loved the Spiderman and Johnny Storm thing.
| Joyful chapter 1 . 7/29/2007
Billy/Teddy OTP for life.
Can't wait for "season 2" of YA.
Keep the fics coming! Want more!
| PinkHairNightmare chapter 1 . 7/22/2007
"Any minute now Spiderman and Johnny Storm are going to walk in and tell me they’ve been infected with sex-pollen and need my help."
That line made my day..._ i loved it it was cute...VERY good for a first fic
| RukaIayLomperGay chapter 1 . 2/18/2007
this is so cute! i hope you keep writing more!
| hyperactivatoragain chapter 1 . 10/15/2006
Wow really hot. And so sweet as well.
| Rosemarykiss chapter 1 . 7/12/2006
Nice, totally luv BillieTeddy first time(_)