|Reviews for Psycho|
| Raven524 chapter 3 . 7/17/2006
Keep going...this one was better than the last...you added more description which was good.
I sometimes find getting the chapter down on paper, then having someone else read through it helps...its also nice to be able to bounce ideas of another person if you get stuck.
This story still has potential...keep to it!
| arsilverangel chapter 2 . 7/16/2006
Yah, I do agree with a lot of what Ajali said. This story does have potential and I'd love to see more of it.
| Spuffyshipper chapter 2 . 7/16/2006
| charmed1of2 chapter 2 . 7/16/2006
it was good,just keep going don't give up yet lol
| Raven524 chapter 2 . 7/15/2006
The story idea is good...definately worth pursuing. The only suggestions I would make, would be to give a little more description rather than just dialog...while you kept the characters true to form, a reader needs just a little more description to set the scene.
That being said...the only way to improve is to write...so keep it up...I can't wait to see where this is going so update soon!
| elfgirl83 chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
great story! please update soon, it's got a lot of promise.
| fi chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
| Spuffyshipper chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
| Black Roses chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
I like it. Please don't leave it hanging. I've read too many of those lately.
| eworhp chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
This seems like a great story so far. I Can't wait to read what happens next.
| charmed1of2 chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
KEEP GOING SOUNDS GOOD SO FAR
| ArabianPrimrose chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
Yes, definitely continue. It sounds very promising and I'd love to read more.
| Ajali chapter 1 . 7/15/2006
DO keep going with it - you have enthusiasm and it will help you improve if you practise writing.
I'm going to suggest you edit this chapter to remove the Present Tense - it's up to you but personally it removes me from the story and makes it flow uneasily.
I like how you're driving the plot through dialogue - it's a neat trick and it's very good - most people have the narrators voice driving the plot in regards to where they're going next and what they're doing, but it's closer to the show to have the characters talk about it like that - explaining what's going on but still keeping it in the story.
A couple of gripes - change the format so it's left alligned, rather than centre alligned. I don't know if you have a beta reader (a proof reader) but if you don't it's worth finding one - a friend, or look on livejournal for communities specifically for beta readers.
And also, add a little more description to the bits that aren't dialogue - a story that is entirly dialogue is...sterile.
Practise showing us the story, not telling. For example 'Sam wakes up and wonders why he feels groggy'
Instead of that - telling us he feels groggy, telling us he's waking up, show us. Ask yourself, what are the signs that show us he's waking up or feeling groggy. Is he waking up quickly or slowly? Probably slowly if he's groggy/been drugged.
So 'Slowly, the deep breathing of sleep began to shallow as Sam began to waken. His eyelids fluttered reluctantly, his thoughts unfocused with the weight of forced sleep.' is showing you what's happening. We can see it. Of course, don't go overboard on the details (my own personal crime is to overdo details! Check my stories if you don't believe me!)
Would Sam really be thinking aloud? Maybe change it to 'A basement, his mind supplied' with thoughts in italics.
And the dream sequence - from the moment you're designated that writing to italics, you've told us it's a dream - is that the effect you were after or did you want to lull us into thinking it was real?
Oh, and find more ways than just their names to indicate who'se speaking/doing what - repeating Sam did this/Dean said that gets stale very quickly. 'To show his brother' or 'told/informed him' or 'scowled at the other' - shake up the description a little.
I hope this doesn't come across as having a go at you - i'm just offering ways to improve it. As i said, i like your use of dialogue and their interaction seems real and true to the show, it's not forced. Keep up the good work, maybe edit this chapter and i look forward to seeing what you can do with the rest of the story.