|Reviews for The Legend of The Fire Rose|
| LadyJessy chapter 1 . 8/6/2006
I'd clap if i could! This was a very good piece. The 2nd person narritive threw me off at the beginning (it can be jarring to read), but wasn't handled too bad. Although i wondered if you purposely slipped from 2nd person to 3rd person during the first part of the story (ie. when "you" and the cloaked lady are talking in the Inn) or if it was an accident.
Anyways, I really liked this piece. I think you gave us just enough backgroud information to know what was going on and what time period this takes place in, without boring the reader to death with it.
I do have a couple of questions though. One is, how old is the little girl when her parents were killed? I don't think this was mentioned and it would be helpful information for the reader to know. Also, when you finally mentioned the mother had an "unborn child" it was slightly jarring b/c you hadn't mentioned before that she was pregnent. It would be helpful to say "n the peaceful confines of the playroom, THE PREGNANT Donna Esperanza Riviera Gallegos de Alvarez sat embroidering" instead of "n the peaceful confines of the playroom, Donna Esperanza Riviera Gallegos de Alvarez sat embroidering". This is really just a little detail, but it jarred me out of the flow of the story and made me think about it for a moment.
Those are really all the comments i can think of right now. I do like the story alot and i think your experement in this writing style was a success! :)