|Reviews for Consequences of Necromancy|
| candychxn chapter 1 . 6/21/2015
I am in tears, dude
my heart is fragile AND YOU JUST BROKE IT
YOU TERRIBLE PERSON
| Nitemar chapter 1 . 8/3/2014
Just a simple, but well written oneshot that shows another aspect of the Elrics' story. It is a common fate of those that create miracles for people to request it again, and again, and again, but these people never have the full story and they never understand the sacrifice needed. I like the way you applied this concept to Edward's perspective.
| Yuu3 chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
| Moon6Shadow chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Interesting perspective, can't say I've seen that one before.
Some words for thought indeed.
| the.stories.live.on chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
Wow. That was, wow. yeah.
| Magyke chapter 1 . 8/19/2008
Wow. You really touch me with that.
I enjoyed a lot. And the end was great.
| Lost In A Dark Wood chapter 1 . 5/15/2008
Very touching. I really liked this piece, especially that last line.
| Ferio Wind chapter 1 . 4/29/2008
D: Aw, Ed! Man, it must suck to have to turn away so many people who have put all their hopes on to you for a miracle.
Even if Ed is a hypocrite for his thoughts, I still can't fault him for it, since Ed's gone through so much shit just to get Al back. That, and Ed's paid his price too, which the other's haven't exactly done.
Have I told you how much I love your writing? Cause I do. Like, a lot. I hope you write more FMA fanfic in the future!
| Sarah chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
..XD The footnotes confused me 'cause I didn't realize they were footnotes... So I was like "What is this listing?" So I think that kind of ruined the effect of the story.
I enjoyed it until then anyways.
Hmm, if you put the numbers in brackets it makes it easier to see they're supposed to be footnotes, otherwise some people (such as myself) will simply dismiss the numbers as typos.
| Muria chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
Wow... This is a good look into Ed'd mind... And I think it could very well be cannon if the public ever found out about Ed saving Al.
My only criticism is that your footnotes are a little messy. Random, I know, but they kind of confused me when I was reading, and the story makes sense without them.
| AkitaFallow chapter 1 . 12/2/2007
O, I like it! The style is actually rather entrancing. I love your footnotes; they're not A/Ns, but more like expansions on the story itself.
I've decided to go through your stories and read the ones that catch my eye (like this one).
I shall read on!
| Shuricel chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
Okay. Constructive criticism you want, constructive criticism you get. I don't do this often, but it's been a while since I've really disected a good piece (I usually only critique when people ask, as it gets annoying if you critique an author and he/she takes it the wrong way and *rambles*), so here we go. Anyway, I listed three good things (I could've gone on and on, but when disecting a good piece, it gets boring to list every single good part), and three bad things, and one nuetral. Enjoy.
Opening: I enjoyed how you started the opening. It's something that hooks the reader in, instead of going 'Edward Elric became famous for successfully doing Necromancy'. In other words, YOU WERE CREATIVE! This is good, especially in the opening, because the opening gives the reader their first taste of the piece.
Weird Style: I really enjoyed the style you used, as it's not really common you see something like this. I love it when I see someone use a unique style like this, instead of using the common style. Sure, this kind of style isn't good for longer multi-chapter fics (in my opinion. I read one like this, and basically what happened were a few long paragraphs because of lack of dialouge.) Anyway, hope to see you write some more one shots in this style.
Flow: This is the most important part of the story in my opinion, even more important the plot. Mainly because, what's the point of having a unique and original plot if the story itself is choppy and hard to read. But your flow didn't just make it smooth and easy to read. It in itself explained the emotion of the characters, which can be hard to do. Even better, in my opinion, is how around small details like 'As he saw them out the door, he could hear Alphonse’s human presence in the absence of metal clanking in the clattering of tea things being cleared', it explains the why's through the flow. This made me squee, as a lot of times writers skip right over the whys. But the inconspicous way you did it was amazing.
Number typos: This is in nuetral, as it's most likely just a mistake of the computer, but after some sentences, you have numbers. Examples: Edward Elric went down in history as the first person ever recorded to have successfully brought a person back to life3. This name was first made famous after his trial – human transmutation was a crime, after all, no matter what the jury said1. (or Izumi’s wrath5)
Hmm...this took a couple of read overs, but I found a few ways you could improve this. Anyway, YAYZ! Constructive criticism.
Cycle: Maybe you could have explained the cycle once in the story? For example:
Edward turned her away, with condolences – he would not make the same mistake again (or survive having the sense beaten into him once more by Izumi-sensei). He told her of the flow of life and death, and how they all were a part of that flow… and he knew that he was a hypocrite.
Edward turned her away, with condolences – he would not make the same mistake again (or survive having the sense beaten into him once more by Izumi-sensei). He told her of the flow of life and death, and how they all were a part of that flow… how the dead shouldn't be bought to life... how the inevitable fate of death was fated to all the moment they were bought into the world... how there was no way to change that... and he knew that he was a hypocrite.
Yes, I know I just ruined the paragraph with my suckish writing skills.
Flow was kinda disrupted at the end: The way you moved into the numbering at the end was kind of confusing in my opening. There wasn't any transition that I could see, unless it's part of the style. But maybe you could have added a paragraph to link Ed's thoughts to the numberings at the end? Just a suggestion.
You could have added a bit more detail to some parts that helped detail what had happened: Well...er...yeah, maybe you could have detailed the results of some events, even if they are implied.
Change this to:
This name was first made famous after his trial – human transmutation was a crime, after all, no matter what the jury said1.
This name was first made famous after his trial – human transmutation was a crime, after all, no matter what the jury said. Not even if he was proven innocent.
Okay...so this probably didn't help you much, but I at least attempted to give constructive criticism, right?
| Bottan chapter 1 . 10/3/2007
"Tea is good; it is the solution to all problems"
That's really a nice view to hold for Edward, after learning from his mistakes. :)
I like the sad ending, which shows how very vulnerable Ed is and how there are things one simply can't accept, whatever one has learned by former mistakes. And how he can of course comprehend all of those people's grief.
Edward comes out natural and amiable and very in character in your stories. I really like that! :)
Go on like that! o
| Nevervana chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
| miroku-has-darkness chapter 1 . 8/3/2007
I liked it, short and sweet but with a point