|Reviews for War and Betrayal|
| UpYourCupcake chapter 7 . 10/18/2009
At least Hermione has a heart to save him. I am loving this story, please continue. )
| MHxxPAPER DOLL chapter 6 . 12/11/2006
THAT CAN'T BE THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!
Haha, I thought the whole "Now he was sure; this was definately hell," line was great!
I just broke out laughing.
Why.. Yes indeed..
Welcome to the living, Malfoy.
| 087 chapter 6 . 11/24/2006
your fic is good
but chap. 5 & 6 are the same chapter
| Hayes chapter 6 . 9/16/2006
| atruwriter chapter 5 . 8/15/2006
Once again, you've managed to write out a great chapter, give us the perfect details of Hogwarts and what's changed without making it too full of boring things! Nicely done.
Worthy of writing about:
1. I like that Neville asks her about what she'll do when Malfoy wakes up, but doesn't press her on the matter. Just kind of reminds her that she's done something rather dangerous and has to remain level headed about the situation. It shows that he's grown as a person, but all the same is full of his regular courage/fear mixture.
2. I like Amanda. Not only because she has my name, but because she's so much like Hermione. I know I've mentioned it to you before, so I'll just write it again: I think it's be great if Amanda had something to do with Harry romantically. At least then he'd be able to move on. Just a side thing of course, not something that will take over the story. Anyways, I really enjoyed reading about her. She was an interesting character. It's hard to write an Own Character without feeling like you're corrupting JK's stuff, but you've done a great job. I like that she feels bad about harming Draco, even though she knows of his past.
3. "[Ron] said he wanted to take a little flight to the Quidditch grounds. He missed flying, you know."
3. This just further tells us that he doesn't really know the severity of what's going on, plus he's not supporting Hermione like he should. He's still rather childish and holding on to dreams.
4. I really feel quite bad for Hagrid, because I understand that he was just being bitter about not being able to help. All the same, were it not for him Draco wouldn't be hurt. Then again, had Amanda not stunned Draco, Draco would've killed A LOT of people. So, really, Hermione should be thanking Hagrid. lol.
Great chapter here. Since I have the next one, I know what's coming. I'm so sorry that I haven't sent that to you or spoken to you on MSN lately. Gosh, I've just been so bogged down with writing and family and so many other things. I'm really, terribly sorry. I hope to have the chapter fixed up for you tomorrow. I hope you accept my apologies and enjoyed all these reviews. I really should've taken the time to read and review earlier since I simply adore this story. Okay, I better go! Spectacular story! It's really quite enthralling! :D
| atruwriter chapter 4 . 8/15/2006
This story is very well paced. It doesn't drag on, it rather tells us the important things and let's us in on the past without making us feel rushed or overwhelmed with the excess of information.
1. "He always wore his long red hair bound back with a simple band;. Hermione had smiled when thoughts reminding her of one of those well-built heroes in those trashy muggle novels her mother was so fond of filtered into her head."
1. Personally, I loathe long hair on men! However, I think this description really rather fits with Ron in the future. I can see him wearing his hair like that. And I absolutely love how you described it with the trashy muggle romance novels. Pure hilarity to think of!
2. "Hermione outstretched her blood covered hands and silently pleaded for his support."
2. So very fitting in this moment. Quite thought provoking in its simplicity. I love that she's reaching really for Harry, because she knows he'll understand her!
3. "She ripped Malfoys shirt apart..."
3. That's what I like to hear! Just kidding. She goes on to heal him. But really, I'd love to tear his shirt off and ravage him! lol.
4. "Ron laughed out loud. "Hermione! Do I have to remind you that the Ministry has forbidden apparating during wartime? We’re the only ones left who are allowed to apparate in the Wizarding World; to St. Mungo’s because we take care of the injured. And you really believe that anyone there will be willing to help Malfoy? The Ministry will cancel our licence to apparate when they recognize that you had helped a whole bunch of Death Eaters for years now! And then, how will you help our injured in the future when you aren’t allowed to apparate to St. Mungo’s anymore?"
4. I think this further proves that Ron can be rather unfeeling. He doesn't understand the importance of some lives. Yes, I know that Malfoy has taken the lives of many of his friends, but he should at least trust that Hermione and Harry are doing the right thing. I think you've really pinned down his reaction though. He would certainly think and act this way!
5. I loved everything that was written for Neville. It's fitting of him, really. To be so understanding of her need to help him, and all the same fear him. Beautifully done.
Great work over all. I'm quite impressed with your ability to capture the characters so wonderfully!
| atruwriter chapter 3 . 8/15/2006
I think you've really captured Hermione's character in this story. As well as Ron's. I'm personally in no way happy that they are engaged. But it works, as it likely will happen in the books. Or some kind of hint at it. Perhaps in the Epilogue or such. Anyways, my point is I'm purely a Harry/Hermione or Hermione/Draco fan. But I can see why Ron being part of it so important.
Worth pointing out:
1. "Ron! You’re the most selfish man I’ve ever met! Harry! Say something!"
1. This really proves how Harry is a very influential person in Hermione's life, as he is in the books. It also further proves that Ron is really quite childish and doesn't understand Hermione or her moral side. Which is really quite certainly a huge part of what makes her up. So I think you've done wonderfully in writing Hermione's dialogue and feelings.
2. You've done a beautiful job capturing Harry's pain over Ginny's death. Though I'm not at all a Harry/Ginny supporter, I rather enjoyed reading what you had to write. It was well done!
3. "He didn’t murder her," Harry told him in a low voice.
Shocked, Ron’s eyes lifted, frozen on Harry's face.
"It was his father," Harry admitted.
3. That Harry told them this, I believe, is quite important. He could've just let them go on believing that Draco had done it. Especially since he hates talking about Ginny and her death, but he chose to tell the truth. I think that's quite vital in this story.
Once again a wonderful chapter. Very well written. And I think you've got the characters down pat. Nice work!
| atruwriter chapter 2 . 8/15/2006
Well, I really should've reviewed all of these, so I'm going to now:
I really enjoyed this chapter. I felt that you captured the cold heartedness of both Narcissa and Lucius. While Narcissa 'loves' her son, she's really more worried about herself.
It was incredibly interesting to go inside Draco's head and just kind of pick apart his mind and his feelings towards things. My favorite parts of his thinking are the following:
1. "His whole life he had been trained to be his father’s heir, to be his counterpart. But still he was nothing more than his inferior, his henchman. He was exactly what his father had been dreaming about: his most competent and efficient weapon."
1. Because it really shows us exactly what Draco is. He's not a teenager, he's never given the chance to be it. His life was simply for Lucius' use. He wanted a weapon and that's what Draco is to him. What I also love is that Draco knows this; he knows what he is and though he hates it, he doesn't do anything to stop it.
The thought of his former school and the time he had spent there released a chain-reaction within his mind and the memories involving past days of his youth, making him feel wistful and sad. It had been the most light-hearted time of his entire life; he had loved those days until they were destroyed by his own actions. Love was the most dangerous emotion of all; it made him vulnerable during a vital moment."
2. It tells us that he really wasn't always this horrible person. He did have some connections that were more human rather than robotic. He had loved his school and the times he had there; even though as readers of HP we know he could be cruel. You remind us that he likely had times that were light hearted and normal for him. So we see him more as a person that a murderer because of this.
3. "He was surprised that the thought of dying didn’t bother him at all; part of him may have even welcomed it. There was nothing to hold him back and there was nobody to lament him."
3. Beautiful insight to him. Tells the reader that perhaps he was just waiting for the moment where he didn't have to be the monster his dad had turned him in to. That he was hoping for the time where he could just end it all. His own life becoming something wasn't part of the war.
4. "He listened to her low sob which is when it became apparent: they weren’t going to help him. He felt bitter and if he could, he would have smiled grimly. But there was no energy left in his body, no fight left in his soul. He knew what would happen now; he had done this many times himself."
4. I like that he rather accepts that his parents are just leaving him. It means that he doesn't really have any connection to them. Gives me hope for the future that he'll be able to change himself into a better person. Become the 'hero' with The Golden Trio, rather than the one trying to kill them.
Wonderful work. I absolutely loved this chapter. You've done an incredible job with it. I'm quite impressed.
| Lilith Kayden chapter 5 . 8/3/2006
Thanks for updating. You have a good story.
| Lilith Kayden chapter 3 . 7/30/2006
A great update: and of course Hermione is doing the right thing.
| Cirque no Kokoro chapter 3 . 7/30/2006
Wow...this chapter I find fantastic as well. ) It kept my attention until the very last line. Though, this seems more about Harry-so sad for his loss of Ginny (-than Hermione/Draco. Still good though. Please update soon...I can't wait to see what happens next.
| BigDaddyThaddy chapter 2 . 7/27/2006
I'm a friend of Amanda's, also a lover of Harry Potter fanfiction - even though I write for Life With Dere lol-, and she told me this was one of her favorite stories. So I decided to stop in and give it a try. As usual, Amanda's instincts are never wrong. I really enjoyed reading this entire chapter. You have a powerful way with words. This entire chapter has an edge to it that just draws the reader in! I love that you didn't mention it was Draco until the very last line. Though it was slightly hinted at, given his relationship with his father and all, it wasn't overly obvious. You're doing a great job. The spelling, the sentence structure, just plain the way you write, is all completely superb. This story is definitely under-reviewed! Congratulations on writing a great story so far, and if this site knows anything, then you should have readers/reviwers flocking to you.
| Cirque no Kokoro chapter 2 . 7/26/2006
Wow, what a wonderful start. ) Can't wait to read what happens next. Update soon!
| atruwriter chapter 1 . 7/21/2006
It's looking great. Beautifully written, I must say. If I hadn't already read it, I'd be drawn in! I'm sure of it. Fabulous work. I'm adding you to my favorite stories, as I have full faith that this will turn out to be a great story!
| Lilith Kayden chapter 1 . 7/21/2006
An interesting start.