Reviews for War in more views than one
Christine Ruud chapter 1 . 7/26/2006



All right. Couple of questions.

1. How does a bruise become infected? How does a bruise BLEED? And furthermore, how do you get a bruise from a ball Radar threw?

2. How do you get from Radar and Klinger playing catch to 2 sides in a war? Yes, catch is usually played with two sides, and so do wars. Brilliant segway there...ahem.

3. "I bent my head and kissed his cheek with my lips." Hmm, I thought she kissed him with her toes. Thanks for clearing that up.

4. Do you read over ANY of this before you post it?

"Maraget's/Maragt's" name is spelled Margaret.

Bruises are typically purple.

The storyline could be very good if you had it be something not so...4th grade! WHO DIES FROM A BRUISE! A sniper shot? Good. Hemophillia? Good. Bruise? ...not so good.
radar fan chapter 1 . 1/28/2005
very harsh criticism there but I think it was quite good.

Good try.

Keep writing

Radar fan
construction company chapter 1 . 2/21/2004
No offense Sonar, but this is complete and utter crap. I honestly only read you stories to get a laugh out of the reviews that you get.
First of all, the character's name is BJ Hunnicut, not Bj Hunnicut.
Do you know any other words beside said? I'm happy to see that you've marginally improved and that you use the word whispered here once instead of you usual repetiton of he said. she said. they said.
Apart from that, your story hardly has a plot. No offence, (even thought it's intended), you write the worst fan fic on this entire site.
Trivette Lover Heather chapter 1 . 2/21/2004
Boy, you sure got some harsh reviews.
I just figure you are having trouble, so lets work with it. You know from what they told you what is wrong and needs to be fixed.
All in all, I liked the POView thing, I like stories like that.
Just work with the grammar and context etc. Dont listen to the harsh part of the review, just the constructive stuff okay? that way you can get better with out letting people make you feel bad.
Take care
c chapter 1 . 3/14/2003
great fanfic. continue it, cause it would be a shame to leave it unfinished.
popawheelie chapter 1 . 12/17/2002

Haha Raven you did it again. Make a website with all of your scalding reviews so I can read them lol.

Toma chapter 1 . 3/31/2002
This story stink muchly.
Totally Outraged chapter 1 . 3/22/2002
Two words: this SUCKS! HOW OLD ARE YOU? I wrote better stories than this in third grade! OK, now for the play-by-play, let's start at the beginning of the "story":

1) Have you had any English classes at all? My teacher would fail me for the year if I ever even THOUGHT about turning in a piece of CRAP like this!

2) "To me, this war had no meaning to hurt and kill." What is that? The orphans were POW's? How do you come up with this stuff?

3) He must be pretty weak not to be able to stand up after a baseball hit him, not to mention the fact that it was bleeding and needed a bandage! Come on! At the most, he needed ice! (BTW, did you notice that I used a sentence that was more. than. one. thought. and wasn't. choppy. like. this?) Must be some killer bruise though, if it makes him pass out and makes his pulse go "between weak and strong." Wait, could that mean that it would be NORMAL? What an idea!

4)*heavily sarcastic* I love this sentence, can I have a shirt made? "I'm worried of the priest like you are but calm down or let it out!" Yep. That is one HECK of a RETARDED sentence!

I'd go on, but I don't think I have time to point out all the things that make this story so unbelievably STUPID!

Question- did you ever get hit with a baseball (on your head) that gave you a massive bruise on your brain (or a concussion, for those of us who can USE A DICTIONARY!) and makes you write this way? Otherwise, what's your excuse? Please, do us all a favor and DO NOT continue writing this story!
Joe blow the army man chapter 1 . 1/10/2002
How stupid was that? How many people get a infected bruise. And how many times do you have to change points of veiw? This story wasn't only stupid it was a joke. I am laughing. A moneky could write better.
dontgiveahoot chapter 1 . 12/4/2001
This story was incomprehensible made by mistakes "on" grammar. {ending imitation of so-called story) Besides, there are the following mistakes: Bruises do not bleed on the outside of the skin - the blood vessels break underneath the skin, and the blood spreads, making the skin look dark. Hence the colouring of bruises. If the impact HAD been strong enough to break the skin with his shirt and jacket still on, then Klinger and Radar must have been playing "catch the ball after it's fired from a big gun" because it just doesn't happen otherwise. Second, bruises don't generally get infected. Especially not little tiny ones from a baseball. Third, Father Mulcahy's pulse was "neither weak nor strong", according to the story. So, his pulse is average then - oh my GOD, he's going to die! Er, no. Fourth, Father Mulcahy wearing blue jeans with his uniform...? Hell, the flame could go on for more words than the story did and still be valid. But I won't - after all, other people will want room to, ahem, display their opinions as well and vent their own bile and venom. Goodness knows that at the end of the fic, Mulcahy wasn't the only one that felt infected.
Evil Yellow Day Moon chapter 1 . 9/29/2001
okay...Radar must be VERY strong. How could a bruise get infected? Is that even possable?

Fr. Mulchaey is in the ARMY. You CANNOT wear blue jeans in the Army. In fact, I don't think I've EVER seen him in blue jeans.

Haven't I seen this title before?


Ah yes. It was on Colleen's Ongoing Stories page.

Isn't that odd? I'll give you that right though. You did write it. It is entirley yours. I simply feel you should give Colleen some credit. Understandable?

Toke Took. That DROVE ME NUTS. Like I said earlier, buy a dictionary.

This story actually has some potential. Check spelling and grammer. Do a little medical research. Define character in their TRUE nature. Then, if you work REALLY hard at it, it might be readable.
zentho chapter 1 . 6/13/2001
no offense intended but your writing is very choppy and confusing...try to smooth out your sentances and use more realistic dialogue. other than that, a truly good story.