|Reviews for Nothing More|
| yo wuz up chapter 3 . 10/28/2006
AWESOME yay claoud and zack ohh curse that jasmine for trying to hit on cloud! awesome chapter
| starlight15 chapter 3 . 10/28/2006
Simple with a dash of romance (even if it's one sided xD), suspense and drama. It's a great mixture :) Very well done. Your writing's very smooth and straight to the point when you want to be; most writer's struggle with that kind of thing (me included I think xD).
Having Jasmine try to make a move on Cloud was damn funny. She tries so hard and all Cloud does is kick her out the door. Hehe...
When Cloud goes to the building in Midgar and enters the building and goes through so many things like the flashing room and the corridor, it's a really vivid description. Kudos for you :)
Some grammar mistakes:
“Anytime.” She said, standing.
Usually, we put commas after sentences like that so it'd be:
“Anytime,” she said, standing.
But the funny thing is that after the comma, if your character speaks again, there's a period.
Eg: “Anytime,” she said, standing. "You'd be surprised blah, blah, blah..."
Eg: “Anytime,” she said, standing, "Blah, blah, blah..."
And for the part when you're describing Lightning Hawk, here would be, I think (becuase it's just my opinion), a more accurate sentence:
He’s the most famous - or rather, infamous - trader
Don't get conned into adding commas in places where they aren't needed. So many writers fall into that trap and sometimes, that's what ruins a, otherwise, good story. But you're doing very well :) The story's running smoothly and you're moving it along at a good pace; not too slow, not too fast.
Hope to see another chapter soon :)
| starlight15 chapter 2 . 10/9/2006
Wow, very nice story. The beginning was short but to the point and it held just the right amount of suspense.
I've personally never watched/played/seen FFVII, but your descriptions make the scene clear and easy to imagine. The plot is well thought out and it's flowing smoothly.
This sounded a little odd:
He smirked yet again, taking a knife and cutting the sleeves of her shirt, revealed her arms, leaving the remnants to hang from the shoulders, like dark ribbons and tore away the bottom ten centimetres of the dark shirt to reveal her midriff.
Sounds a bit like a run on sentence. Perhaps cut it in two?
When the judge fired Cloud, it seemed a little rushed and doubtful. Maybe it's just me since I've never played/seen FFVII, but would the judge fire Cloud? Maybe his boss...and if he was going to get fired, maybe he'd be in a more secluded spot - like his boss's office or something? Just a little thing I noticed.
The bit at the end with Yuffie and Zack was nice comical relief from the darker atmosphere before.
Overall, very good. Some little quirks that you have to watch out (don't we all?) but keep writing like this and you're sure to get 100 reviews by the end of chapter five xD Don't feel like you have to be rushed or anything; take your time to think and write out each chapter to ensure that it's your best writing. Nothing turns a reader away like a bad chapter that spoils the story.
Reading over my review to you, it just occured to me that I should take my own advice as well...Oo
Hope to see another chapter coming out soon :)
| Chich chapter 2 . 10/8/2006
vicky ur story rox! keep writin and make me smile!'
| hullabalooh chapter 2 . 10/4/2006
Waha.. AU stuff. I'm liking the plot and i'm waiting for Teef to come out, teehee. I like your descriptions too; they're vivid. Funny ZxC conversation! XD
Please update soon! I'm sensing an extremely dramatic scene towards the end (duh, it's drama) UPDATE!
| yo wuz up chapter 2 . 10/3/2006
AWESOME that is so awesome! goo cloud! goo zack wot! update soon
| Tanya Lilac chapter 1 . 10/2/2006
Hm... I like the idea of what's happening, it's a very strong opening, and the short sentences help to create suspence. Well done.
| VividInk chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
Very short start but very dramatic and full of suspense... bloody brilliant! UPDATE
| yo wuz up chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
wow powerful opening can't wait to see what happens
| sonicCOW chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
Come on Come on Come ON! I want to know what happens next! You're killing me here!
| Kristin chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
I think it sounds great so far! I can't wait till I can read the rest.
| hullabalooh chapter 1 . 7/28/2006
So, this is like what happened after everything that happened in yo fic? COOL!
I'm reviewing, see? And i'm the first one! I want to know what happens so you, YOU UPDATE!
i'll be waiting!