Reviews for Let Us Test It
xxxprettybettyxxx chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
I do not belie that it would be Zexion that would start because he seems the quirt type while Larxene is the loud forceful type
Amanda J chapter 1 . 12/18/2007
Greetings my unfortunate little author, it seems you have been the victim of a flame-particularly one by Flame Rising. Now…I know you’re sad, confused…and probably wondering what you did to deserve such treatment…

Ahem…I’ve spent my precious time reading over your first chapter-but only your first chapter. This is what Flame Rising only reads. You see, he’s a very busy flamer and only has so much time on his hands to determine if the story he’s reading is up to his high, but reasonable standards. So, unless he’s feeling particularly masochistic…he probably won’t go beyond the first chapter of any story he flames.

*Just a note dears: You may think only reading your first chapter isn't fair...but this what draws us in, what keep us reading, and what tells us that your story will be worth spending time on. A terrible first chapter is like an equally terrible first impression-it lasts, and it says everything about your writing.

But, here is what you can do when/if you revise your story…adhere to this list and all should be well with your next foray into the realm of fan fiction. For every no-no you have committed, an asterisk (*) will be placed beside the Rules of Good Writing.

1. Try and be coherent. Mashed and squished sentences/paragraphs are hard to read-not to mention, quite unsightly. So is bad formatting. Keep dialogue on separate lines, and proper spaces between paragraphs-AND like ideas contained within paragraphs.

2. Capitalize the beginning of a sentence, names, and where you should-there is no excuse for this.

3. No chat-speaking…most of us are here to READ A STORY. Not watch as you and your imaginary friends giggle and bounce around.

4. Do not bold your prose. Do you see published books with bold printing on the inside? No. If you want to emphasis a word…use ALL CAPS or italicize.

5. No author notes in the MIDDLE of the story. You jar the reader when you do that. Notes in the middle of a paragraph are immature and uncalled for.

*6. No shallow OC‘s: These are what we call Mary Sues. While some may actually be enjoyable to read, few are memorable. A tale about you and your friends playing with canon characters is not a fun read. Self insertion (unless you keep yourself balanced and don’t HINT or tell that said character is you), is not a fun read. A tale depicting a perfect, wonderful and goddess-like OC is not a fun read. We like flaws and balance…balance is the key to an OC that readers will grow to love.

*7. OOC: Unless labeled AU and warned for good reason, canon characters must behave as in show/book/movie/game/etc. Sexual preferences may be altered if storyline is coherent and believable. Otherwise, any story not reflecting the characters true personality, or warping the characters personality to fit whatever demented plotline contrived…is a readers nightmare.

*8. Plot…have one darling…it makes all the difference in the world.

9. Rudimentary knowledge of grammar. Please…*sobs* please do this!

10. Do not mix tenses. Past tense, present tense and future tense in the same sentence is can cause brain damage to readers. Try and refrain from causing spontaneous imploding of your readers skulls. One tense per scene…unless stylized. Ex. Past simple tense for all chapter, but memories the character has, or flashbacks may be in present tense-or whatever tense you prefer. I recommend advanced study for tenses…they are tricky to learn.

11. Strings of consciousness are for experienced writers…and even they can’t do it right.

12. Try and spell correctly: before you post a story here on you must agree to a TOS (terms of service). This TOS says quite bluntly, that there is NO EXCUSE for bad spelling and punctuation. Yet, you, dear one have ignored this stern warning and posted drivel. They may not enforce standards after such a travesty, but flamers will.

13. Repetitive wording. Sayin and he he he he in every paragraph, at the start of every sentence and basically a few trillion times in your strains the readers eyes.

14. Adverbs Adjectives galore: Try and not bog down your story with as many descriptive words as you can cram in one sentence.

Example: "The heavy and sparking rain poured down on my yellow gleaming and crimson umbrella while I twirled it in my rain-slicked fingers like a big, stupid, dope."

*15. Childish prose: You write as if you are a young author, in which, is not that terrible in itself, but it makes for boring and forgettable reading. If I wanted to read a children's story, I would go raid my baby cousin's bookshelf and probably enjoy those books more.

Tips for improvement on childish prose: Include descriptions in your prose, set a scene realistically, take a peek into the characters mind. What is he/she thinking? Introspection is everything in determining character quality. What fears do they have? What quirks? Let their personality shine when they speak or think, and remember where they are-the room and everything around them. Remember sights, smells, sounds, and touch-engage the five senses to flesh out a scene.

*16. Crappy and incoherent summary. Honestly, if you can’t write a summary, chances are you can’t write a story. Learn how to summarize your work in a few sentences. If you cannot, then your story is aimless and has a muddled a plot-line. Think of your summary as a book cover, make it stunning!

And that concludes our lesson for the day darling. I hope you have learned something from these rules…and I wish you all the luck on your next endeavor!
Oo chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
You are an extremely poor writer who is content with doggie treats rather than real reviews.

God, now I see why my brother doesn't read fan fiction anymore.

People can't EVER write decent fan fiction but wants to get bitchy when someone tells them the truth.

Attention whore.

If you don't want flames, don't post your shit on the net :) just as you have the right to ship stupid pairings, flamers have the right to flame and you're the coward. You hide behind your friends.

So what if someone doesn't sign in their name. A person doesn't have to be a member here to tell you your work isn't worth two dead flies.

Improve if you're sick of flames :D if it doesn't "bother you" like a lot of people claim then STFU

sincerely, John Smith XD
FredandGeorgetwinsoftheC.O.C.A chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
That was really good. I liked it. Does your last author's note mean that you take requests? Not to be pushy, but if it does, could you maybe try a Larxene/Axel story. I love that pair! You seem to be really good at these stories, so if anyone can do it, I bet you can! ;D
Flame Rising Too lazy to sign chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
Congratulations. You are the official proof that people with more teeth than brain cells shouldn’t breed with each other.

Or at all.

What the fuck was going through your douched-up mind when you posted this? That maybe a caravan of inbred clowns would stumble upon it and like it? Because they’d probably be the only ones to overlook the fact that you’ve told the English language to go into a corner, pull down its pants and grab its ankles.

Or, hell, maybe that was insulting to inbred clowns everywhere.

Now, why don’t you do a favor to those clowns, and the rest of humanity, and play 52 card pick up on a freeway if you're ever tempted to post anything ever again. And, uh, make sure it’s during rush hour.




Rizu chapter 1 . 10/30/2006
that was the hottest lemon i have ever read
silver moon droplet chapter 1 . 8/30/2006
very intense.

great pairing!

awesome lemon.
Lady KeyBlade chapter 1 . 8/27/2006
Ah! That was strangely erotic!

Nice Ending!
VIII chapter 1 . 8/9/2006
Hot as always. :D
TakuTaku chapter 1 . 8/3/2006
OMG! RELENA! That could be another of Larxene's names! xD Someone kept telling me her name was Arlene (and that just sounded weird, because my aunty's named Arlene and she's not a bitch lmao). Great lemon, lol. :D
Candle chapter 1 . 7/30/2006
So nice, so very, very nice! You've done a wonderful job with this pairing, and I hope to see more.
C Factor chapter 1 . 7/29/2006
Very nice, good grammer, huge and "discriptive" words and a good pairing. I give it a 8/10.
Drowning in Ice chapter 1 . 7/29/2006


Go Zexion/Larnene.

'Twas hot.
HeyModsDeleteMe chapter 1 . 7/29/2006
It was very intense and descriptive. Bravo. :)