|Reviews for Untitled Need One Please Help|
| Nom de Plume chapter 3 . 3/29/2016
My biggest problem with this is the narrative voice. In Chapter 1, your narrative voice was very serious, very ... I wouldn't say MATURE ... but ... something like that. It made the story feel very sultry, seductive (even if I found Shan Yu to be acting far more rape-y than sexy) a grown-up red banner story. In this chapter, though, you narrative voice has done a full 360 spin and is very ... I'd say ... childish. You directly address the audience, and you refer to unnamed characters as "genric character 1" and "genric character 2" (which you spelled incorrectly as well, may I just say - should be "generic"). This voice is used for a totally different style of writing and would be more at home in a parody fic.
PLEASE JUST STICK TO ONE OF THEM. I recommend Chapter 1's narrative voice.
Anyway, there are also weird inconsistencies with the story line (which, with the 6 year long wait can probably be understood). For example, if Shan Yu was so interested in this woman - enough to go gallivanting across China for her the moment he can - why the heck did he just leave her in the lake? Why didn't he just pluck her up and drag her back to camp with him? He was clearly in control of the entire scene ... so why not?
Also, was he not the least bit confused about finding a woman bathing in the middle of no where? If his camp is so close he can find her bathing, shouldn't his scouts have come across the Chinese army's camp, have heard the camp, or found evidence of the camp? Don't you think someone as ruthlessly efficient as Shan Yu would be suspicious of others in the area (especially now that he's found someone) and would have scouts scope the scene to see who else is there? It's highly unlikely that she's alone.
Actually, now that I think of it, don't you think MULAN herself would be concerned a Hun had seen her and warn her camp there are Huns nearby?
Anyway, yeah, lots of inconsistencies and illogical decisions - I particularly don't like that you've made Mulan romanticize Shan Yu's rape-y behaviour.
| moondame chapter 4 . 3/23/2016
| Laelaloo chapter 4 . 7/13/2015
Aw, DARN. You not gonna continue this? IT'S A CLIFFHANGER...
| Laelaloo chapter 2 . 7/13/2015
LOL, man. LOL.
| evelyn chapter 4 . 1/8/2014
ira dream come true
as yu shan and Mulan will meet
as yu shan will conquer China and Mulan will leave
what will be the discovery of the secret of mulan
and what shang this confusing
will be as the hun attack the Imperial Army
and how yu shan will make your mulan
when mulan will fight the Hun army and will be going to get to see yu shan there.
| Suhnne chapter 1 . 6/2/2013
Maybe the name could be "In Love With The Enemy"?
| Shadestream40 chapter 4 . 5/24/2013
Update this story please
| Nomada chapter 4 . 3/20/2013
Hai, I like your story, ¿What happens now with Mulan? When faced again Mulan and Shan-Yu ? is really amazing
| Tro0uble-Evanescence chapter 4 . 12/30/2012
Please continue! There's not enough Mulan/ShanYu fanfictions here...
| koreanpotter chapter 4 . 11/11/2012
Update please! It's so interesting!
| SOL chapter 4 . 11/7/2012
WONDERFUL ! Besides the appearance of a new character giving you a hand to Mulan / Ping LOL... PLEASE CONTINUE SOON!
| London Bai chapter 4 . 11/2/2012
The chapter was a bit short for my taste, but I'm still very interested in the growing plot. Do continue when you can _
| IrishInkWitch92 chapter 4 . 11/2/2012
Loved it! I hope you had a great samhain too! :D
| SOL chapter 3 . 10/23/2012
finally! finally the continuation much-awaited ! yeah, that laughter was barbaric and that has to happen hahahaha, I can not wait for the next chapter of this fic!
| XxArtificializedxX chapter 3 . 10/21/2012
Oh god, that was absolutely wonderful! And geez Mushu, burning people's tents and watching people while they sleep, ya trouble maker, but dude that was really good. Especially the first scene with Shan Yu and Mulan, that... Was hot. But do keep writting. It is quite wonderful, quite wonderful indeed. I absolutey need more! So please update soon!